What's your default small-talk line?

[franch]

I'm rubbish at small-talk. The people I know who are best at it all seem to have a standard line that works in every situation. DH's is a variation on 'So what have you been doing today?', which seems to serve him well. What's yours?

Generally asking someone where they got a piece of jewellery or bag or clothing- also works because I am nosey as well . I only say it to women though so I obviously need to work on my line.

I don't have one. I am SHIT at small talk. - even on here I find the general chat like the tearoom etc, far too difficult. Am ok on an 'issue', or answering a question - like this - but just chatting about nothing (which is what small talk is - opening your mouth and letting the wind waggle your tongue!) is totally beyond me.

I love your bag/shoes/earrings ... where did you get it

Did you watch x,y, z last night

i am reading "insert name of book" - have you read it?

Well I'm the same, Hecate, which is why I asked the question! My brain just freezes.

Mine too. I recognise that ruby and little lamb's suggestions of "Oh, I love your X, where did you get it.." are good, but what the hell do you say after that? You can only ask so many questions before this 'small talk' becomes an interview!! Plus, erm, I wouldn't actually give a crap where they got whatever and I am sure that would show.

I usually discuss the setting or how do you know the host/ess. Plus discussions of weather, items of clothing said person is wearing, who they came with, food, drink etc etc.

the aim is to find common ground, if none can be found a 'will you excuse me a moment I need to phone the babysitter/go to the ladies/ get another drink' works.

I can talk for England

am also crap at small-talk

This time of year, there's always holidays to talk about. Bit obvious, but it's a good one for finding common ground...or not!

I'm also crap at small talk (although getting better with age), but my DP is the world's greatest schmoozer small talker. His opening line is often "Hello, where're you from?", which sounds crap, but somehow this rubbish line manages to inspire instant friendship in practically everyone he meets. I just watch in awe and puzzlement

Oh no! Not "Where are you going on holiday?" They'll think I'm about to cut their hair!!

Actually, hairdressers tend to be VERY good at small talk - I wonder if it's part of the training?

Moles - my husband is also a people magnet! Baffling! He really connects with people wherever he goes. I don't know how he does it!

bout ye! whats the craic, you havin a good day

followed by whatever else springs to mind

Well, there's a reason why hairdressers ask it - it's a good opening line! People love talking about holidays.

"springing to mind" being the problem harleyd ...

Crap here at small talk too. But, I really hate it when people say to my "so, what have you been up to lately?" - cannot think of a damned thing to say in reply!

I think it's something that has deteriorated over the years with me. The worst is weddings - it's a festival of small talk if you don't really know anyone. My DH goes off and talks to everyone in the room while I tend to get stuck to people and have have no idea how to move on, asking them moronic questions until they run away and hide. Drinking makes me better at chit-chat (at least in my head) but currently pregnant so don't have booze to fall back on. ahhh!

My DH is far better than I am at small talk too - but I am learning from him.

Once he has an opening ("so, how do you know..." or "are you a local?" etc), he is a really good listener, and has a real attitude of wanting to find out about the person. He listens well, and then he knows what to ask to keep them talking.

IME, people actually love to talk about themselves and will do it at length if you encouraeg them with questions. Occassionally someone is a bit dull, but generally I find that people are actually quite interesting.

The worst is when you get 'chatting' to someone who just shuts down all conversation attampts with yes/no answers...argh, so tedious.

I can't believe no-one's mentioned the weather yet! The great British fall back chat option. I've had more conversations this week because of the weather than I've had with any of my neighbours since we moved in.

Ditto, daisybaby. Me: "Oh, nothing really."

Yes definitely pander to people's egos, everyone lieks talking about themselves.

Typical Monkey conversation goes like this:

MAB: what a lovely day isn't this garden beautiful?
Stranger: yes it is I do love those roses
MAB: they are wonderful, do you enjoy gardening?
Stranger: not really but I do design lawnmower wheels for a living
MAB: oh really how fascinating, how did you get into that?
Stranger: Well my father did it and his father before him, in fact a distant ancestor designed secateurs for Capability Brown
MAB: I visited a garden designed by CB at Chatsworth House a few years ago, was very pretty - another vol-u-vent?
Stranger: no thank you I am on a diet
MAB: oh yes? Are you following a particular regime?
Stranger: the orange diet, can only eat orange things
MAB: that must be hard work, I admire your dedication - you are looking good on it by the way
Stranger: thank you I have lost 12stone since Xmas
MAB: that's great, well please excuse me I must find out where my feral children have gone

Yes, I comment on clothes/handbags/shoes/children if we're stood awkwardly next to each other in the playground etc. I have been known to comment on the weather .

lol MAB you should turn that into a 3-act play

My mother has a three-question standard conversation for talking to academics that she swears will get you through an entire formal dinner and then get you follow-up comments on what an intelligent and erudite conversational partner you are.

1. So what are you working on at the moment?
2. Just how significant is that?
3. Are there many other people working in that area? [actually, I may have slightly misremembered this one]

Plus appropriate levels of "mm-hmm", "I see", "yes", of course.

Not sure it translates to all other social situations, though.

MAB that was like the stage version of a haiku.

'^^' Can I come to the next one?

I ma quite fortunate in as much as i have the kind of face that does not encourage small talk