Do you think our children will grow up unable to recognise/deal with danger?

[SoupDragon]

Filling in ponds, not letting them walk home from school, removing poisonous plants, safety this that and the other...

Now I am as guilty of some of these things as everyone else but I do wonder if we are doing or children a disservice to some extent. We had a small pond and knew how to be safe with it, we climbed trees, we went out on our bikes for hours and hours and went to the park alone (amongst other rather risky stuff).

Obviously there are more cars about etc than when I was young but do you think we've become too risk-averse in our parenting?

Oh, ShellingPeas, another Kiwi! I started school there at 6 too, all the neighbourhood kids walked to school barefoot together, with the eldest boy at the school (I think he was about eight). The scariest thing was treading on a crack. We played in the woods that all our gardens ended in and climbed the trees to dangle over the river 'fishing' and trying to find poisonous spiders. If we'ed stayed there longer I would have been able to go to the beach alone as well. Ahh, Heaven! Do you ever think of going back?

giving backatlonglast

The Campaign for the Independence of our Children and Freedom for their Parents!

Pumpkinsoup - how nice to come across another Kiwi, although I should say I haven't lived there for 20 years and, having married an Englishman, probably won't ever get to live there again.

One of the things I do miss about NZ, on my DC's behalf, is the freedom I had a child. I appreciate that NZ is far less densely populated, so less cars, less busy, etc and I was at primary school in the 70s, but even so, children here are so overly smothered by risk averse parents, schools and outside activities that it's a miracle they make it through in one piece to adulthood once they're finally let loose on the world in their teenage years! (Sorry long rambly sentence there.)

I also remember NEVER wearing shoes unless absolutely necessary - here the poor wee mites are bundled up in Clarks or Startrite before they can even walk. I still 'wear' bare feet whenever possible in the summer, or at the most, a pair of jandals (flip flops for you UK readers!).

Where are all the posters who cry "neglect!" when threads are started about taking risks?

I am a neglectful parent with my eldest. I'd still fill in a pond with a toddler around though - a garden is so that I can laze in the house in peace

Giving children more freedom can have unexpected benefits, too.

I leave my daughter home alone (she's ten) while I take my son to early-morning choir on Tuesdays. She's by herself for 40 minutes. Our dog was due in for an operation this am. My daughter rang me on the mobile to tell me she'd been mildly sick, in a dark corner, which I wouldn't otherwise have known. I was able to clear it up quickly when I got home AND alert the vet that it had happened in case he needed to know before the op.

I made a big fuss of my daughter, told her how pleased I was that she was there to keep an eye on the pets while I was out. I suppose the next step would be for her to clear up the sick herself, but that might be asking a little too much .

She's been 'left' for up to half an hour since she was just under 9 and has always been sensible and reliable.

I think I have a mixed attitude to risk. we don't have cupboard locks or socket covers - DD has never paid any interest in them. We live in a 3 storey house with stairs everywhere but we ditched the stairgates when DD was 18 months - although because I managed to fall down my parents stairs and break my leg on Boxing Day, DD now comes down on her bum - her choice! She also cooks with me and cuts up fruit with me supervising.

However, I do worry about playing in the street. She is not old enough to yet but there are so many aggressive and thoughtless drivers out there I think it will give me the heeby-jeebes. We also did ask that her grandparents fill in their pond after DD went out in the garden without Grandma knowing and was found trying to feed the fish when she was 2.

Interestingly, I was allowed quite a bit of freedom but my Mum has her grandchildren on such a tight leash.

streets just don't have room for playing out in, there are so many more cars now.

i'd be interested in what people think of having complete free play at lunchtimes during the school day. children sort out their own battles amongst themselves, more equipment and basically freedom to just get on with it without telling off.

I found it quite amazing how sheltered children are here in the UK. There is going to be a whole generation of people who have no idea how to deal with dangers etc. They are not learning how to do things for themselves (sew on a button, cook food etc). Working in schools amazed me. In cooking they don't even measure out thier own food, its all done for them. my 9yo charge goes to the shop, the 12 and 15yo stay at home by themselves. They can all make themselves sometime to eat. They all help make dinner.
As a child I walked around barefoot, played outside until all hours (had to be home when the street lights came on) and most importantly was taught road safety and stranger danger.

Working in schools amazed me. In cooking they don't even measure out thier own food, its all done for them.

I left school 4 years ago and we didn't do cooking lessons, we did Food Technology, and it sucked! They taught us how to make a ready meal! How patronising is that?!

So it's up to us parents to teach them (which it is anyway but...) don't rely on school to teach your kids anything about the real world.

By the time my son is a teenager, he will know how to use a washing machine, that dishes need washing (they don't clean themselves you know!)and how to cook himself some decent meals. I hope he will enjoy cooking, and enjoy good home-cooked food more than take-aways.

When I was at school, the most dangerous thing we used in 'food tech' was the moicrowave.

It's not helpful at all. I had my DS at 17 and didn't know a thing. I'd never had to look after myself, let alone anyone else, so weaning and everyday things like washing was a challenge for me at first because I had to learn everything all at once. I will let my son take risks so that he can learn, I believe his will make his adult life easier and more enjoyable.

well said littlepurpleprincess (and love the name)

Thankyou.

second that - well said littlepurpleprincess!

shelling peas - its almost exactly 20 years and 100% english hubby for me too! Although I was at school there in the eighties. To think I lived in the city too. One of the things I often read/hear from emigrating families is that there is a lot more 'common sense' used in the culture, politics etc. I'd love to go back. Unlikely though I fear

I do puzzle at all the parents and childcarers that are convinced children need to wear sturdy shoes constantly even before they are walking, despite all the evidence to the contrary! It is just one of those culture things I think.

I wonder just how safe all these previously 'cotton-wooled' teenagers are when they go off on their year-out adventures. It seems to be an extreme resolution to the problems faced by teens who have little or no experience of being responsible for thier own well being.

I occasionally think I should feel guilty that both my 3yrold and 5yrold usually beg to make thier own breakfast and lunch at weekends/school holidays. Then I see how much they thrive on the in(ter)dependance. Either that or I'm just a terrible cook (quite likely actually ). Nothing more dangerous than a cheese grater, microwave and table knife though.

Lots of us have children in high school. Dd1 does 'Food Technology'. They measure using scales, they cook on/in proper cookers/ovens. In first year she has come home with a cake, a pasta dish, spag bol, muesli, flapjack.

In case anyone thinks most schools are like princess's.

SOme children possibly will grow up unable to deal with danger but I think the biggest danger is the internet and associated new technology and the fact that so many parents seem to think it's all fine and safe.

It's not just personal freedom.

I have a parent who phones once or twice a term to organise her son's friendships from a distance. She has particular issues with a 'rough' boy (code for an inoffensive boy with SN) & another parent who, it transpires, has asked every teacher for 1-2-1 support for her child at some point this year and quotes Every child Matters in every written communication. This is secondary btw.

Slightly going off at an angle here but yesturday I was making chocolate cake with DS and I let him lick the bowl out. Well, his dad told me off! Said I shouldn't do it because of the raw egg. I ALWAYS licked the bowl out when I was a kid. It's the absoloute best bit of being a kid, so, where do you stand, lick the bowl/ don't lick the bowl?

RE: shoes vs bare feet...

DS always has a pair of clarks shoes for going out and about but his feet are bare at home (except GrandParents tend to always put slippers on him). I once read a leaflet printed by Clarks, promoting the need for good quality shoes and in one corner, in tiny writing it said "bare feet as often as possible is the best thing for your childs feet". lol.

My children fight over who will have the bowl, the spoon or the whisk for which has most cakemix left on it.

Wow Riven those camps sound amazing - almost worth doing Home-Ed for! Your daughter sounds well-prepared for her life, I hope mine will be!

My eldest had shoes as soon as she started to walk outside on footpaths (and usually only for then), same with my youngest - couldn't see the point otherwise. Inclined to think I'm a bit affected by the culture thing too, as in summer not even that's always necessary. I actually enjoyed getting splinters etc as a child - a good war wound to show off, and it was always a fun challenge to get them out, so what I'm so worried about I'm not sure. Even now I can't be kept away from a splinter needing removal (I'm really very good!) Barefeet has always been one of the things I miss most