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Original poster

Do you think our children will grow up unable to recognise/deal with danger?

122 replies

SoupDragon · 22/03/2009 17:25

Filling in ponds, not letting them walk home from school, removing poisonous plants, safety this that and the other...

Now I am as guilty of some of these things as everyone else but I do wonder if we are doing or children a disservice to some extent. We had a small pond and knew how to be safe with it, we climbed trees, we went out on our bikes for hours and hours and went to the park alone (amongst other rather risky stuff).

Obviously there are more cars about etc than when I was young but do you think we've become too risk-averse in our parenting?

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OrmIrian · 23/03/2009 17:05

Re A&E, my eldest went to A&E about 6 times in the first few years of his life. On none of those occasions was any serious damage done and it was just in case really (plus a big dose of PFB I suspect). My DD went once and DS#2 never. I don't know if that was down to my realisation of the bouncable nature of small children or just coincidence, or even maybe my lack of fussing and stress around them.

alwaysmoving · 23/03/2009 17:09

Can I just ask as an aside what people think about trampolines?

My dd2 age 3 recently fell and cut her head - imo it was a complete freak accident. We have a net on the trampoline but she was coming out of the zip bit down the steps, ds who was bouncing didn't notice and his bouncing caused her to fall backwards and catch her head on the corner of a step (bad luck the way she fell as the step wasn't very near). We went to the doctor and she had the cut glued and is fine. But, since then I have had lots of friends telling me that trampolines are very dangerous and we should get rid of it. Since she fell we have been stricter about closing the zip fully and stopping bouncing when someone is coming in or out. But I still don't always stand there while they are bouncing and I let them go on together. They think it's not that fun to bounce alone!

OrmIrian · 23/03/2009 17:18

We have one. And no net. We've had it for about 2 years and never a single accident.

Anything can be dangerous TBH. But a trampoline is good fun and good excercise.

alwaysmoving · 23/03/2009 17:20

That's what I think too Orm. But as we don't have grass we went for a net.

prettybird · 23/03/2009 17:26

TBH, I am a bit iffy about tramplines - a distant cousin who is a GP scared me about them.

But, in line with my principles, even though our CM got one without a net, even though I wasn't happy about the idea, I never issued instructions that ds wasn't to go on it. (Now it may be that the mindees never got to go on it anyway - it was just that she is in the house next door, so we can see what she has in her garden!). I trsut my CM's common sense.

Flamesparrow · 23/03/2009 17:37

Do we know how YoungDragon got on?

Original poster
SoupDragon · 23/03/2009 18:07

He got home in one piece

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Original poster
SoupDragon · 23/03/2009 18:09

We have a trampoline with a net. I've bounced on it both with and without the net, and it definitely feels far safer with the net round it.

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Ivykaty44 · 23/03/2009 18:14

I sooo enjoyed that marsbar far nicer when someone else fetch it!

Whizzz · 23/03/2009 18:16

I haven't read all of the thread but wanted to add my experience from watching kids in secondary school (I'm a TA). It amazes me how many of them have little regard for their safety or that of others if subjects such as Design Tech & Food Tech. I have witnessed so many burnt fingers as the pupils fail to realise that something coming out the oven will be hot. Even when given instructions & warning, many fail to listen - the 'I'll be alright' scenario.
I've also seen kids walk out in front of cars on the way to school - 'well the car will have to stop won't it'.
I think some teenagers do think they are indestructable

alwaysmoving · 23/03/2009 18:42

Just wanted to add that one area I am paranoid about is traffic. In the country we live in (don't want to say where as it's a bit sensitive) there is NO respect for cars. Drivers bump against each other like it's no big deal and what's worse children walk in the middle of the road with no awareness of what's around them. We will be driving along and some boys are playing football and not one of them makes an attempt to step back away from our car. It would be so easy to drive into one of them by accident.

The traffic accident statistics are shocking. Hence we are v strict about roads and have told our dc quite graphically what might happen if a car hits you.

Flamesparrow · 23/03/2009 18:50

yay for him getting home ok!

Miggsie · 23/03/2009 18:56

When I was 10 I would walk to the field where our horse was, saddle up, hack all day on the horse, get back, see to the horse, walk home

On my OWN.

My mother was once concerned on a very fine day where I thought it was about 6 pm (didn't have a watch) but in fact it was 10pm when I got home...oops. After that, my dad gave me an old watch!

Will my DD ever get that kind of freedom?
Not in West London suburbs she won't.

Portofino · 23/03/2009 19:03

Well, I posted earlier about me be happy to let dd play outside with the neighbours dcs as there was no real traffic risk. Another neighbour popped round this evening to say that last night, after dd was indoors, 2 bull mastiffs escaped from someone's garden and attacked 2 of another neighbour's dogs. They can jump the fence apparently. The owner has apparently shrugged it off, saying what can he do? Other neighbours have reported this to the police.

Our neighbour wanted us to be aware, as small kids and big agressive dogs is obviously a bad mix. So now what do I do?

I've asked him to let me know what the outcome from the police report is. But I am gutted as we spent a fortune moving house so that dd could have this freedom (in a flat with no garden before) and I don't want it spoiled because some arsewipe can't control his pets.

pumpkinsoup · 23/03/2009 19:29

So nice to read some common sense and perspective! Dd1 (5) is very sensible with roads, and always has been. I'm happy to let her run on with friends out of sight on some roads coming back from school - because I know she knows the rules and sticks to them. BUT we get so many dirty looks from other parents who clearly think driving or frogmarching thier DC home along a relatively safe road is a superior method of parenting.

Along with two other well-educated, intelligent and caring 'childcare professional' mothers I have recently moved to a poorer area of town. We are all surprised and impressed by the freedom the children have to play out with others. Most are allowed in and out of each others houses and gardens, and each have rules to stick to that take usually account of thier age and ability. ALL the children understand and respect these rules. If a child has an accident the nearest parent is alerted to it, taking the child home if necessary. This might be 'common' but is a far healthier way to spend a childhood!

That said, a baby or toddler is not capable of reliably assessing risk/ following rules. Therefore as parents we need to take reasonable action to keep them safe. Socket covers, reins, fireguards, pondgrills etc are simple ways to avoid serious injury/ death on those occasions that they or we get it wrong. That shouldn't stop us teaching them how to deal with these dangers. It is a completely different issue.

Flum · 23/03/2009 21:52

I can remember playing in a derelict house in our street in central Bristol and I must have been under 7 as we moved away when I was 7. We had a den down there too. It was cool.

prettybird · 24/03/2009 10:13

Well said pumpkinsoup

Hotcrossbunny · 24/03/2009 11:08

I've been really enjoying reading this thread. We live a ten minute walk away from the junior school dd will go to next year. The audible indrawing of breath from friends when I said she'd be able to walk there alone was hilarious There are 2 roads to cross, neither terribly busy or fast.

Today however, I saw the converse. A child on a bike was cycling along the pavement to his secondary school. The traffic lights at the pedestrian crossing were just turning green and he shot across in front of the car infront which had just started moving. I don't know how he wasn't hit Surely he would have been better doing his cycling proficency test and cycling along the road with the cars, then dismounting to walk across the crossing when the traffic stopped?

Our views of safety are so mixed up.

prettybird · 24/03/2009 11:15

It's good to know that a thread like this reassures others that it is OK to give our kids more freedom. We are not alone!

Thnaks you Soupdragon for starting it.

Once ds starts walking again, we'll be encourageing him to go along to the local shops (one minor road and one busier road - but with good sight lines - for him to cross). It'll serve two purposes - encourage his independence and strength his leg - as well as doing the errand for us!

wickerman · 24/03/2009 14:37

great thread.

I regularly get looks from parents because I let my dd - who is 10 - not 4 - walk back from football practice - a route which involves NO ROADS.

Quite often I find a massive 4x4 outside my house, and an anxious parent hovering, saying they didn't like to see her walking home alone. FFS. It's her only freedom.

Original poster
SoupDragon · 24/03/2009 14:47

DS1 is walking home again today. He enjoyed it yesterday so he was keen to do it again and I let him. Nothing to do with the fact that DS2 is going home with a friend for tea and I'm looking after a friend's 2yo and can't be ar$ed to pick him up. Freedom has fringe benefits for the parents too

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Original poster
SoupDragon · 24/03/2009 14:48

Interestingly, a friend at school asked DS1 what he was doing yesterday and he said he was walking home alone. She didn't follow him home, phone me to check this was Ok or that he'd arrived home safely so I'm clearly not going to be ostracised on the school pickup tomorrow

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prettybird · 24/03/2009 15:09

Is this a trend we are starting?!

The Campaign for the Independence of our Children and Freedom for their Parents!

ShellingPeas · 24/03/2009 15:38

Hooray! A sensible risk thread!

I grew up in NZ and rode a bike to school from the age of 6, with my older sister (8) and no accompanying adult. We hung around in a gang of kids in the street after school and spent our time in and out of each other's houses and up the farmer's fields and hill behind where we lived (semi-rural), sometimes all day.

Unfortunately because we live some distance away, I can't let my DC's ride their bikes to school but I do let them walk from where I park the car by themselves (about quarter mile, unseen by myself). I also let them go to the local shop by themselves (aged 6 and 9) and also visit friends in the village (so long as they tell me where they're going). DS (9) goes to his tutor by himself and also football. I am looked at a little askance in our risk averse village but I think it's an invaluable learning experience and they should have the freedom that I had as a child.

Both have been helping me cook since they went to pre-school. They now appreciate that pots and pans are hot and you don't touch anything directly out the oven!

And on the subject of ponds - my DS fell in MIL's pond at 18 months old. We were watching at the time.... and fished him out straight away. He was wet, cold and shocked but he learnt very quickly not to lean over the edge!

PortAndLemon · 24/03/2009 17:12

Interesting blog here (kicked off by this article, which you may remember from last year and which led to the author being labelled "America's Worst Mother" in some quarters).