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Original poster

Here's a shocker for you all...

24 replies

emkana · 14/04/2005 23:23

I feel it didn't have the desired impact on the other thread, so felt the urge to start another thread. Okay, here it goes...

I....

breastfeed my 20 month old daughter to sleep every night, then put her down in my (and dh's) bed, asleep.

So there.

Honestly, it seems that there's always two sides to every parenting debate - b/feeding, dummies, whatever...

but the one thing that nobody ever ever seems to question is that a baby/child must be put down awake.

Well, I made the same "mistake" with dd1 and she stopped needing the feed to go to sleep when she was around 2. Suddenly preferred stories with Daddy. And stopped b/feeding because she wanted to around the same age.
Oh, and dd2 sleeps through.

Can I win a prize for the worst parenting mistake or something?

OP posts:

gingerbear · 14/04/2005 23:25

emkana
I did exactly the same.
Still have to sit with DD now till she falls asleep sometimes, and she is almost 3.
And I don't care!

Flossam · 14/04/2005 23:31

I breastfeed DS to sleep at the mo, although he is only 5 months. Only a night time, haven't found any other way round it yet, but it's nice to know that I help him to sleep.

marthamoo · 14/04/2005 23:32

I never put ds1 down awake - would feed him, then rock him, then lie down with him 'til he went to sleep. He was a bloody nightmare and didn't sleep through the night 'til he had turned three.

I was much tougher with ds2 - modified controlled crying techniques - and he has slept through (put down awake) from around 8 months. It's been much, much easier.

But I would never tell anyone what to do with regard to sleeping - it was so, so hard with ds1 and I just did anything I could do get some sleep. When he was little I would feed him to sleep and he would sleep on me, when he was a bit bigger I would sleep in his bed with him. For the first 8 months of his life, ds1 and I slept in the double bed and dh was relegated to the spare room.

I am a firm believer in doing whatever it takes to make life a little easier for you. The people who are so rigid about "you must put your child down awake" don't actually have to do it with your child.

whatsername · 14/04/2005 23:33

Hmmm, I did the same with dd, but I did regret it. I'm a single mum and was exhausted every night after looking after the kids all day and then having a battle at bedtime.

I'd feed dd to sleep and the moment I put her down she's wake. It was a nightmare.

I breastfed for 16 months, and co-slept, and was happy with that, but it was the sheer exhaustion and lack of any time to myself that made it unworkable for me.

But hey, if it works for you, then great, ignore anyone who tells you you're wrong

binkybetsy · 14/04/2005 23:33

Marthamoo why are you still up?
Put the mouse down and step away from the keyboard!!

JoolsToo · 14/04/2005 23:34

thought you'd gone for a choccy fix?

marthamoo · 14/04/2005 23:36

I was just finishing my beer. Honestly it's like the blimmin' MN police round here. Can't a girl drink a little beer (no milk), post a little nonsense, and stay up too late?

Oh, I just remembered, I have a 3 year old who will be up before 6...

Night night It's been fun!

psychomum5 · 14/04/2005 23:36

You know what....you sound happy and proud of you parenting choices, and it sounds as tho your kiddies settle well with those choices, so a big WELLDONE to you, and carry on. Sounds as tho it's working well for you so no reason to feel at all guilty or wrong!!!

nosyparker · 14/04/2005 23:37

ds1 I put down awake and weaned at 9 months and since then he's been a total bugger to get to sleep - hours of whining, story telling, endless begging for us to stay in the room etc.
ds2 I thought, what have I got to lose, and so far at 14 months, still bf to sleep - he now sleeps right through, unlike his brother who wakes up every night, and even if he does wake up when I put him down, he just rolls over and goes back to sleep. Result!
Actually I don't think there is much connection to the bf but at least it shows these books with 'every child should'do not fit all

binkybetsy · 14/04/2005 23:37

Night Moo, and you're right it has!

hunkersneakymunker · 14/04/2005 23:40

DS actually enjoys being put in his cot awake, turning on his side, grabbing his teddy (makes excited snuffling sounds when he sees him in his cot!) and drifting off to sleep holding teddy's leg across his face.

Original poster

emkana · 15/04/2005 08:23

Yes psychomum, the lovely thing now with dd2 is that I don't feel guilty about doing what I'm doing, whereas I still did with dd1 and actually spent a few nights half-heartedly trying controlled crying, before I realized I just couldn't do it. With dd2 I'm just happy to go with the flow and I'm enjoying it! (most of the time anyway)

OP posts:

triceratops · 15/04/2005 08:38

Never wake a sleeping baby that's what I say. ds always fell asleep while bfeeding and I certainly wasn't going to poke him awake again.

I stay with him while he goes to sleep now as well and he is 3.5. It only takes 10 mins and it is my favorite time of the day, he is all warm and clean from the bath and he smells and looks heavenly when he drifts off.

Toothache · 15/04/2005 08:40

lol

Ds is nearly 4 and DH still has to sit with him until he's asleep. So myah! [stick out tongue emoticon] AND he comes into bed with us every night too.

Dd is 8mths and will fall asleep on her own in the garage if we put her out there!!
If she wakes during the night I have no qualms about bringing her into bed with us. In fect, I coslept with her until she was 4mths old!

jangly · 15/04/2005 08:43

Hunker - that is sooo sweet!

nailpolish · 15/04/2005 08:47

ooooh i loved cosleeping with dd's when they were tiny. only trouble was, i never used to get any sleep cos i would lie awake staring at them thinking how beautiflu they were (still do, it never ceases to amaze me)

havent a clue what this thread is about, just wanted to say that

flamesparrow · 15/04/2005 08:51

Oooh, you terrible woman you

I think there is way too much right and wrong with parenting... I was a big one for teaching her to sleep awake, but that was for purely selfish reasons - I like having the evening to myself, and being able to just put her in bed and walk away . I always feel mean when my parenting decisions come for my benefit rather than hers!!!

I had my DD in bed with me all night last night and loved every minute ... at one point I woke to find her with her arms wrapped round my neck cuddling me, and I felt all warm and fuzzy (or she was trying to strangle me, and I should be feeling hurt and offended... )

Marina · 15/04/2005 08:53

OK, Emkana, we have a nearly six year old who was fed to sleep until he self-weaned at 2, and still needs a parent with him to drop off...funnily enough I have just cracked with dd and she now goes down awake in her cot without too much hassle.
How we handled ds' sleep routine is definitely my worst parenting mistake
And yet I still think co-sleeping has many advantages and I actually miss dd purring away beside me

Hulababy · 15/04/2005 08:57

Even though I didn't BF after 6 weeks (lots of reasons - not getting into any debate at all) I still never put DD down to sleep awake when little. And she co-slept too. And I cuddled her to sleep during the day too, and then put her in a rocker chair (and later on sofa). She's just turned 3 now and in her own bed. I read to hear every night but she does go to sleep on her own, left awake - she talks to much if I try and sit with her! But she still wakes in the night baout 50% of the time, and we often wake up in a morning to find her in the middle of ours - still no idea how and when she gets in!

hunkermunker · 15/04/2005 09:53

Jangly - yes, it is!

psychomum5 · 15/04/2005 19:41

Well for weeks n weeks now, I have been feeling very guilty that I am doing something wrong by my 2yr old by allowing him to sleep with us and not being firm enough to put him back into his bed when he comes into us. I have loved it really deep down...all the warm fuzzy feelings and all that....but at the same time it does mean that I don't really sleep that well cos of the fact that he has to lie on me and try to smother me!!!!

He is my baby tho, and my last one. None of the others had it this good (he is rather 'spoilt' because of the fact that he is the youngest), and whenever thay did come in they got put straight back. In reality that was normally because I was either pregnant or had a newborn in bed, not because I didn't want them IYKWIM.

I not feeling so guilty now cos of you lot.....you all seem so happy with how you are with them, it makes me realise that I should go with my true feelings, not with the feeling society seem to expect of us. Our babaies grow so quickly, and in a few short years they won't want us doing this anymore and I know I will miss it sooooooo much.....so on that note, I gonna continue

Original poster

emkana · 15/04/2005 20:43

Good for you, psychomum, enjoy it

I think it's very very sad that mothers are mad to feel guilty for trying to be close to their children - ie co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding etc.

(I don't mean that you can't be close to your child when you don't do these things, before anyone says anything )

OP posts:

psychomum5 · 15/04/2005 20:47

I do too....think it sad that is.....there is so much about being a mummy that people make us feel guilty for, when we all carry enough guilt as it is that we won't be a 'good' enough mummy because of our choices we make in the first place.

psychomum5 · 15/04/2005 20:47

And LOL at your quick defence.....

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