Mum's who had babies post 40; I realise it is hard to answer this objectively, but if you had your time over...would you do it again?

[HMC]

I'm 40 (41 in May) and have a 4 year old and 6 year old. I am tempted to have a 3rd child (but paralysed with anxiety with the usual concerns)

Part of me feels 'too old' to have another baby - although my energy levels and fitness / health are good etc. I think it is probably society that is telling me I am too old....

If you are a mother who had a baby post 40, I appreciate that you love and dote on the resulting child, but putting that aside for one minute.... have there been any particular issues for you and was your choice a wise one?

I have just had my first at 40. I did meant o leave it quuite so long but have no regrets. I have done most of the things I wanted to do when younger, travelled well and partied hard so consequently quite happy to enjoy myelf at home with little one.
I have more patience than I would have if I was younger and still wanting to go out and enojoy myself every night.

mum was 40 when she had my sister, had me when she was 35, and the other at 37

she said it was the best deicsion she ever made, especially as we were old enough to usefully help!

I had DS3 at 41 and don't feel remotely old - there are lots of older mums around here. I was tired for the first 12-18 months esp, but am fine now . Go for it (tempted to go for No4 actually).

Agree with Stingray. I think there is something about being older per se that means you appreciate the value of time so much more ie that it passes so quickly and is so precious. I think that brings a different (enhanced) dimension and perspective to motherhood over 40+ It certainly did for me anyway ...

Had dd (my first) at 42, now seriously considering no.2

Have no regrets, I had achieved what I was going to achieve career wise, had travelled and partied, so it was great to be able to settle down and find a different "me"

One thing we hadn't bargained for was my dh losing his job and not being able to find work for 12 months (he's still looking). We thought that an upside of leaving it late would be financial security but it is starting to seem like the opposite is true - we're getting too old to switch careers at this stage. On the upside, at least we have our little one to compensate, and it has shown us just how transient all the career/material things are at the end of the day iyswim.

I had my third child (surprise) the week after my previous youngest child's 21st birthday (I was 45) it was a simple pregnancy but c section due to rising blood pressure and I refused all tests but the amnio as I wanted definite results. My son is now seven and very close to my five year old grandson. We love him to bits and he keeps us young. My other children are like a second younger set of parents and are happy to help look after their brother enabling us even to go away alone sometimes. Like all mums I do get tired sometimes but I have more patience and would recommend it though it is shame he only has one grandparent

wow Sandgrown! What a fabulous surprise!

I had DS4 at 43 and I can say that I don't feel any different to when I had the first three (5.5 years between DS3 and DS4) for me its not my age that makes the difference its the age gap as DS1,2,3 have only 3.5 years between them. I was lucky enough not to have any problems in pregnancy or birth and I've never felt old amongst other mums but where I live older mums are quite common, in fact a very young mum would get more attention.

Go for it HMC

I would have preferred to have been younger )had DS at 40) but sadly, DH didn't come along in time! Que sera, sera and all that - he was the One, I had to wait for him to have my precious boy and we are currently ttc #2. I hope we manage soon though because I don't want to be too much older and have to deal with a toddler/child and a new baby at the same time.

I wouldn't be without DS for the world, though, so having him late was far better than not at all.

Had my last baby at almost 44y.
Had no particular issues and definitely have no regrets.

Had DD3 at 41, with the other two aged 5 and 7. No regrets although the doctor was very sceptical about TTC at 40. However it all happened in month one, so sucks to her. The biggest joy has been seeing the other two enjoy her so much. Getting up in the night was the worst - and not helped by DD3 being a feisty little madam. I think with the benefit of older children you realise how quick the baby madness finishes. Had life been more planned we might have gone for number 3 a bit sooner but it has probably been easier with more of a gap. Mind you lots of everyday things become more of an issue - taking holidays, eating out, visiting friends - with 5 of us we just feel more of a handful than the easy 2 + 2. If I was younger ... I'd go for number 4 and round it up nicely!

What a lovely thread. It's made me feel hopeful that it will happen for us again at some point.

Had my 2nd at 40. There were no health issues for but I do regret (well, would do differently if had time again and was wise enough) not having children when I was younger. I feel very, very sad that I will easily miss 10, 15, 20 years of her life that I could have seen if I'd started younger.

Couldn't agree more thumbwitch - my DH took his own good time coming along! I had already had 3 DCs, 2 of which were grown up, the youngest was 4 when I married DH. I was 43 when I had DS (DC4) and 45 when I had DD.
I have to say that I enjoy motherhood much more now that I am older. I am more patient and much more childcentric than when I was younger. Also, more confident and rounded IYKWIM?
I did have amnio with both, because I wanted to "know". Not sure if I would have terminated, though?
Both "geriatric" deliveries were quick and easy (but on DCs 4 and 5, they probably crawled out! - really, really must do some pelvic floors )
I do have concerns about still being around when the young DCs are teens/young adults, and have had meaningful talks with my eldest DD who is a Mum herself, (so yes, I am a Granny as well (DGS and DGD are not that much younger than DS and DD)) about caring for the DCs if me and DH were not around, but I guess that is an issue that all parents, not just older ones, should address.
HMC - you should do what you want to do - if you and your DP are well, want a baby and your fertility is OK, then go for it. Do not worry too much about society in general (usually the tabloids or TV) - maybe think more about the society around yourself - family, friends, neighbours etc.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do

I had my son at 41. He is 9.5 now. I cannot bear to think about how much emptier my life would be without the experience of loving and raising a child.

My only regret is that the grandparents are inevitably older and frailer and that relationship is limited. I would have loved ds to have the same sort of relationship with my father that I had with my maternal grandmother. But Dad was never a man for babies, and he started to develop dementia when ds was 4.

Good point, neversaydie. The grandparents of my later DCs are obviously older and less well than they were when my earlier DCs were young. The relationship is different, but no less valuable. My father was always rather a strong, serious, knowledgeable chap, but now has Parkinsons, amongst other illnesses and frailties, and is unwell much of the time. My DCs have come to accept that they can talk with him, but not much else, and they understand why not. I never intended my father's illnesses to be an education topic, but nevertheless, my DCs have learned a lot from just being with him about illness and disability. My Mum, even at 77, is still what they call a "jumping around Nanny". She, happily, is fit and well and up for jumping around.
Hope I am that good at her age

Had 2nd when I was a month over 40 First was bornjust after I was 30. I am calmer and less anxious than with 1st and don't find it harder than 1st.
I would like a 3rd but house not big enough!!!!

That is also a good point - I feel as though I am much more patient now than I would have been if I had had DS in my 20s or even early 30s - so it's swings and roundabouts.

My GP told me that my fertility dropped rapidly after 35 so I needn't worry too much about contraception (had to go on the progesterone-only pill cos of blood clotting issues) - so was also quite "ner ner-nerner ner" when it only took 3m to conceive DS a couple of years later!

Am also concerned about lack of older rellys - my mum had me when she was 22 and I knew both maternal great-grandmas, as well as all 4 grandparents - DS has only my Dad and DH's mum, and almost certainly won't have either of them by the time he's 18.

I had dd1 at 41 and am now applying to adopt. If I had my time again, yes I would choose to be a younger mum. Not way younger, but perhaps 8 years...

But life doesn't give us that choice, does it? It gives us now or never, and having a child in your 40s is SO much better than not having a child at all.

I had my first at nearly 38 and my second (ds) at 41: no problems in pregnancy and he popped out within 20 minutes of our arrival at the hospital - weighing 10lb 2.5oz! Both have had rude health and I don't think I've been any tireder than younger mums. As others have said, I would have preferred to have been younger, but I didn't marry dh until I was nearly 36 - and then had to persuade him twice over, which took a bit of time.

The biggest problems are absent/aging gps (they only have one g'ma now who is 86, although very switched on for her age) and the fact that dh is ten years older than I am and so just turned 61. He does feel tired a lot of the time and isn't very tolerant when they are silly (although I don't know if that's an age or a personality thing). My dad was 15 years older than my mum and I felt very self-conscious of that, so I do feel a bit guilty about having inflicted the same potential burden on my dc's. He also died when I was only just 16 and my mum was 51 - but I'm hoping that dh won't do either - especially as I'm 51 now!

My 3 year old told me I look like granny today (granny is also dead btw double )

This thread is just what I needed to read. Found out 2 days ago that I am (unexpectedly) pregnant with number 3. I will be 43 when it is due and always said I wouldn't have any more after the age of 40.

DD2 will be 4 next month and although dh and I have ummed and aahed for a couple of years about having another one (I had the feeling that I wasn't quite "done" and that I would be if I had 3!) we never really made up our minds to go for it.

TBH I have been completely shocked and mixed up since I found out I was pg as I just don't know if I can go through the whole baby stage again (sleepless nights, limited in where we can go/what we can do). DD2 will be starting school in September and I was really looking forward to having some "me" time, also I started my own business a year ago which has really taken off and which I love.

Very encouraging to read such positive stories, it's helped me to focus on the plus points rather than the minuses.

Congratulations BonyM

These messages are lovely - as an "ancient" mum myself I have to say that my actual age never came into it... if you are healthy and happy, financially stable and want a baby, I think you should just go for it.

I had my first at 41 and am due to have my second at 43 in a month's time - no-one caring for me seems at all bothered by my age. I read recently that the average age for a last pregnancy used to be 42 before the 60's so it was no big deal then either.

I do think about having "less time" with my children, but then my mum died when I was 30 and she was 57, so there's no predicting it. I have taken care with ds1's memory box, and I have a book by the bed which I write a sort of love letter in about once a month so that if I do pop off early she can be sure that we loved her dearly - and with a sibling on the way she won't be totally alone.

One big and amazing benefit is that husband who is a few years older recently retired, so he is a hands on dad - he had fun telling people who asked whether he had a project for his retirement that he was about to be a dad!!!

I don't think I'm more tired than I would have been when younger - what I am, is less resentful! I went into motherhood after 20 years of saying I didn't want kids, (with a list of their "disadvantages" at the ready) so I can hardly blame the little sweetheart now! And actually, the joys and little pleasures of being a mum have been much more satisfying than I ever imagined - but then she is only 2 so we have interesting times ahead!

I would not let an arbitrary milestone such as being over 40 stand between you and another child - there are much more important considerations.

So good luck OP - it was three days ago I think you posted this - so you may already have started the journey!!! Fingers crossed for you!