Mum's who had babies post 40; I realise it is hard to answer this objectively, but if you had your time over...would you do it again?

[HMC]

I'm 40 (41 in May) and have a 4 year old and 6 year old. I am tempted to have a 3rd child (but paralysed with anxiety with the usual concerns)

Part of me feels 'too old' to have another baby - although my energy levels and fitness / health are good etc. I think it is probably society that is telling me I am too old....

If you are a mother who had a baby post 40, I appreciate that you love and dote on the resulting child, but putting that aside for one minute.... have there been any particular issues for you and was your choice a wise one?

I had mine at 40 and 42 and agree with previous posters about been more calm, settled and patient than when I was younger. Financially we're more secure too, which is significant as we are able to pay for therapies for DS2, who's autistic. BUT, if I'm really honest, I would like to have had them in my early-mid 30s - partly because I worry about not being around for as much of DS2's life (especially) as possible and partly because their grandparents are older too (though they had me and DH young, so they're not THAT old).

But, I hadn't met Dh when I was in my early 30s and I'm very glad I didn't have a baby with the man I was with at the time....

Kind of wish I'd gone for a third too - but feel more energetic now (at 48) than I did at 44!

HMC - I will if you will! I'll be 41 in June and also keen to have a third. Girls of 2y 6m, and 9m at the moment (youngest born two days before my fortieth). I was also terrified of the risks, and more so now, but the possible gains outweigh my fears (though need a tiny bit more time between them). A possible future pregancy is also about the only thing that will get me out of bed to go back to work next week (though I emphasise work is not the reason for wanting another, and am lucky to have a job at the moment, etc etc....).

I had an OSCAR ie combined test with my second, as her neuchal fold measurement was a bit chunky and I didn't want anything invasive. This test isn't available on the NHS where I live, but I thought it worth the money for a more accurately calculated Downs' risk, and I do recommend it.

Good luck with the seduction; keep us posted!

I had DD aged 40 & 15 months later I'm pregnant again. I became very wary of the media whilst pregnant - it's all doom and gloom messages & pushing dreadful statistics which made me quite anxious. Completely unnecessarily it turns out as I loved being pregnant and have very few issues, not just the age related ones but no morning sicknessm stretch marks or constipation etc. It was a magical time - mind you I did swim alot which I'm sure helped.

The nuchal scan was a little worrying but once that was done I relaxed alot more & enjoyed all the attention.

Do seem to be more tired and sick feeling this time round - and I don't have the time to swim either (I work full time.

good luck

I had 4 children aged 19, 17, 15 and 13 when I had a surprise pregnancy at the age of 42. Sadly that ended in a mmc at 11 weeks We decided to try again and 6 months later I was pregnant again. Another mmc (and 2nd ERPC) at 7 weeks.

The mw at the hospital said that "at my age" I was unlikely to have a successful pregnancy and not to try again. DH didn't want to see me go through another mmc. While we were trying to decided whether to TTC again I found I was pg again. By this time I was 43 and my due date was the same as the first lost pgcy + 1 year.

I worried through the pregnancy. My AFP tests came back with a risk of 1:24 for Downs. I had an amnio (it hurts!) and worried about miscarrying. At the last minute the baby was breech and I had an unsuccessful ECV (also hurts!) and then a CS.

Physically the last 3 months of the pregnancy were hard work. I couldn't walk far without getting a stitch/ out of breath (in my 3rd pregnancy I climbed Glastonbury Tor at 38 weeks with no trouble- aged 26!)

I have to work full time and DD has yet to sleep through the night, so I am very tired but yes if I had my time over I would do it again.

this is based on friends experiences - im 38 - i have 3 friends who had babies 40+ and they are fab parents giving lots of energy to their kids - the only problem has been that they all had a tough time staying pregnant - miscarriages for all of them. But got there in the end.

If I had had a completely free choice, I would have had my child when I was in my mid-thirties when my friends were having their children. It is quite isolating, being so out of step with one's friends (who were going to university open days with their offspring while I was going to toddler group) and even where I live, where there are relatively more older mothers, I found it quite hard to make new friends as so many of the other mums treated more as their auntie than a friend! That was, for me, the biggest drawback of being an older mum; the tiredness wasn't such an issue as my daughter was an amazingly easy baby and slept through the night as soon as we came home from hospital. The advantage, I think, of being an older mother is that (on a good day) one is calmer and more chilled about things. I felt more able to take a career break because I'd had plenty of time to get established at work and wasn't so worried about climbing the greasy pole.

So, in short, if it's what you want, go for it!

I don't think age is so important. I had number 12 in July when I was 40, and even had her at home, without complications, and am honestly fitter now than I was in my late 20s. The only thing I find is that as the years go by one worries more about the health of ones babies, not when one is pregnant, but when they are small. When I had my first at 21 I never worried about anything - have read too much I fear! I am so much more organised which makes it easier, and, of course, am never at a lack for babysitters!

I have nothing to compare it with (had a mmc in my 30s) but my DS was born when I was 42. He's brilliant and I have no regrets. I don't think I'm any more tired than my friends who are younger. And I'm more relaxed than I might have been when I was younger I think.

Oh and no sign of any impending menopause - I'm thinking of having another

I am 44 now and I had my DS2 when I was 42 ( also have a DD (8 next week) and a DS1 (6). I actually had a couple of miscarriages in my early 30's and was a bit anxious about trying again, but here I am with 3 .

I have to admit that I had a rough pregnancy with DS2 but I don't think it was just my age. I was enormous, (too much amniotic fluid apparently), breathless and had the heartburn from hell. I was working part-time, my husband was working away a lot so I had to do all the household and childcare stuff too. There were questions over the health of DS2 which added to the anxiety but I declined any invasive testing. DS2 popped into the world after my 3rd normal delivery. He does have some minor physical and metabolic problems but the physical problems have been more or less corrected by physio and his tendency to develop sudden drops in blood sugar is being looked into.

I am so glad I had my 3rd, I think I would have always regretted it if I hadn't. I won't be having anymore so I have taken a career break until next year to enjoy my kids while they are young.

I had my DS 10 days after my 40th. My partner was also 40. I had a very easy pregnancy and a fairly relaxed and happy baby. I think I've had an easier ride than some of my friends in their late 20s.

We're not planning on having another out of choice. If I'd met my DP much earlier, we'd probably would have had a child in our early/mid 30s if the timing in the relationship was right. However we're both geared up for a fun ride ahead and are trying to enjoy every day.

I'd say, if you're fit and healthy and have a positive, young outlook on life then go girl!

Well I had ds at 40,am 46 now.I had no choice about it.
If I had my life to live again I would have my children younger.My fertility didn't work out like that though.
I regret the fact that I now have to think of childcare to work when I could have loads more freedom if I had had him yrs ago.
If you are not keen to get on with a career your age won't really matter .
There are loads of mums my age at the school gate which I was surprised at.

Had DD age 41, 9 weeks ago(3rd child after 2 boys, age 9 and 6)- I was 42 two weeks later.

I took nearly a year to decide whether to have my 3rd and the advice that my sister gave me that really stuck was that you'll never regret having another but you may regret not having one.

I really am more patient and relaxed than the last 2 times, still tired but hey that won't last forever.

I had DD1 at 41 and DD2 at 42 - a late starter and I love it! There are loads of older mums where I live - no one bats an eyelid. It wasn't a career choice but because I never met Mr Right - but when I did there was no stopping me

If you need more convincing there are plenty of us over on the 40+ mums thread in the Pregnancy topic - some starter late others have HUGE gaps! Many of us have had our LOs and still stay on the thread because it's turned into a bit of a place for us older mums to stay and chat and new ones come on all the time. You'll not be alone if you decide to go for it!

I had DD at 40 and DS 15 months to the day later at 41.5. Still feel blessed and thrilled to have had two post 40 but not exactly a medical miracle - my second was an elective CS as he was breach and I was in hospital less than 48 hours and raring to get home (having moved house 10 days before his birth, somewhat unwisely, but hey!). It doesn't bother me that most mothers are a bit younger - I think the key point of commonality as a working mother is whether your children's friends' mothers work - not how old they are - and the same if they/you don't work. I combine an interesting career as a lawyer with family life and it works fine most of the time - that side of things benefited from me being older in my view as my career was more established and I had built up plenty of goodwill with employer.

If I'd been just a fraction younger I would have LOVED a third - go for it!

I had dd2 when I was 40 - she is now 12 and I sometimes have flagging energy levels due to age and menopausal symptoms.

I had dd1 when I was very young so that aspect is noticeably different for me.

However I am more patient etc this time around and love that I have a child around - she's pretty useful for talking me through the mysteries of ipods etc

This is sooo lovely to read. I have just turned 41 and am trying to have number 2. Like many on this thread, wish I could have had children in my 30s (I was 38 when I had ds1) and not have some of the worries voiced here, but it wasn't possible. Had a miscarriage last month at 7 weeks, but determined to keep trying and so grateful for all these positive messages, as I suspect some friends think I'm taking too much of a risk. Thank you older mummies!

Given a choice I would have had them younger, but people rarely have the choice. I don't feel old because there are lots of older mothers around. The real downside is that the grandparents are older. My eldest DS is 8 &10 yrs older than the younger ones and he got the best of his grandparents, before they slowed down.

I had dd when I was 40.5 having had ds1 when I was 22 and ds2 when I was 24. The year before I had dd my period was late for the first time in 14 years and although I wasn't pregnant it forced us to consider whether we wanted another baby. The decision was YES and I wouldn't be without dd for the world.

I felt much better when I was pregnant with her than with the two boys and she has been a very easy child and is now, at 16, an easy teenager. Go for it, I know if we hadn't tried we would have regretted it.

Sorry to hear that news betsy

Wishing you better luck next time

i had 3 in twenties

2 in 30's and so far

1 in 40's

its fab!

Pregnancy was one of my easiest apart from very sik all the way through - post birth was ROUGH at 40

I felt like i had been hit my a brick wall i have NO IDEA why i felt so shit as i had only had a baby at 38 two years before

now 7 months on feel fine and better by the day

yes its exhausting but i LOVE it and would not change a thing

I had dd at 37 and after a couple of early miscarriages ds at 43.

Age needn't be an issue. When ds was born my (female) gp diplomatically said I'd done well to get one in in extra time, but apart from that, no health professional raised my age at all. And that really helped me to feel relaxed about the pregnancy.

The mum of my daughter's best friend at school, also 43, was pregnant at the same time and had her boy ten days after me. Sharing pregnancy concerns with another over 40 helped too.

And our dd, who's only started sleeping through now at two, is an utter joy. He's worn us out with sleep deprivation, but we're fit and keen and we plan to stay that way to keep up with him in the future!

Go for it!

Had surprise ds ( 10 months) at age 43.5 to join two sisters at 14 and 10. Shocked at time but had no tests and felt I would just deal with what came my way, did have 20 week detailed scan. More complicated early birth but he is perfect and although we are tired, with parenting at both ends of the spectrum, he is a delight..we are laid back...and I feel the world needed him! I panic about my career prospects now and never having any cash...but its okay

I had my 1st baby at 44. I would have loved to have had children earlier and have wanted a baby for over 20 years but never met the right person (married at 40). Am deliriously happy. I worked at my full time demanding professional job till 39 weeks pregnant; everyone says I am looking very well and rested!;have just gone back to work again.

We refused amnio as we wanted the baby whatever and we thought the stats sucked. (In fact we refused all Downs testing because my age meant we were going to get hassle and we didn't want me to be stressed any more than necessary at that point in the pregnancy). We have a lovely healthy baby. I did let the consultant book an early induction though because she was worried about the risk of stillbirth and I had various risk factors for that.

I would love another

Have a look at the Over 40s antenatal and post-natal thread - full of women who are having or have had DC after 40 - including first-timers, second families, people who've ttc for ages, the lot. Nobody has a bad word to say about being a mother over 40 and they're a lovely bunch, very laid-back and friendly.