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Original poster

Mum's who had babies post 40; I realise it is hard to answer this objectively, but if you had your time over...would you do it again?

87 replies

HMC · 26/02/2009 12:13

I'm 40 (41 in May) and have a 4 year old and 6 year old. I am tempted to have a 3rd child (but paralysed with anxiety with the usual concerns)

Part of me feels 'too old' to have another baby - although my energy levels and fitness / health are good etc. I think it is probably society that is telling me I am too old....

If you are a mother who had a baby post 40, I appreciate that you love and dote on the resulting child, but putting that aside for one minute.... have there been any particular issues for you and was your choice a wise one?

OP posts:
Original poster
HMC · 26/02/2009 12:23

.

OP posts:
vonsudenfed · 26/02/2009 12:30

Heavens yes - although my opinion may not be quite as relevant because she's my first.

But I think any disadvantages of my age are more than outweighed by the fact that I am so much calmer and saner than when I was younger, and I am sure she has a much better life as a result of that.

It's sad that I might not be around for so much of her adulthood, but then that was pretty much the situation of people throughout history, when life expectancy was so much lower, so I don't beat myself up about that one too much!

Original poster
HMC · 26/02/2009 12:35

I suppose you just have to make more of an effort to stay 'younger' both in outlook and in biological age (rather than chronological age) ...[muses to herself]

OP posts:
GentleOtter · 26/02/2009 12:43

I had our third baby at 47 (dd born when I was 36) and felt amazingly well afterwards.
A year and a half on and yes, we can feel exhausted come evening but it is not all due to running after a toddler. (We are self employed and home ed dd too)
In my own opinion it was the correct decision - my only regret is that there are not more hours in a day.

Original poster
HMC · 26/02/2009 13:06

That's encouraging GentleOtter

OP posts:
Blu · 26/02/2009 13:11

I was 43 when I had DS and have found no disadvantages due to age at all. I am aware, sometimes, of being viewed as ancient, for a Mum, and could, of course, be DS's gm. I see people wondering sometimes, but it's not even rare to be an older mother these days - half of my NCT ante natal class, and tea group (differnt people) were about 40.

Original poster
HMC · 26/02/2009 13:12

Really, I should just crack on and get on with it!

OP posts:
saythatagain · 26/02/2009 13:14

I'm envious..really. I'm 41 and would love to have another (we have on dd) but dh is against it and to some extent I can see his POV but boy, the thought of another little one makes me positively swoon. I'd say go for itx

Mercy · 26/02/2009 13:21

I had my first at 37.7 and my 2nd at 40.5

I don't know tbh. Ds has been quite hard work compared to dd, for example, he's only just started sleeping through the night at the age of 5.

The first 3 years of having 2 children I found really hard - it was also difficult starting the menopause when you have a toddler's tantrums to deal with, let alone your own!

But once he started nursery I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel

IotasCat · 26/02/2009 13:27

Hmc I had mine at 40 and 42 and I will never regret it . Mind you two were enough for me I'm not sure I'd have the stamina for three of them

PuppyMonkey · 26/02/2009 13:27

Had my first at 30 and my second (surprise) at 40. I'm fit and healthy non smoking, slim, young outlook etc. And it's knackered the hell out of me!!!

Seriously, those early mornings/interrupted sleeps this last time. Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Get a dog instead..

Surfermum · 26/02/2009 13:29

I had dd at 41. The only time my age bothered me was when I had to have an amnio. But I went into it a bit blindly, it was recommended for all women of my age by the Consultant I was under. If I had had mumsnet at that time I probably would have been able to arm myself with enough information to make the decision not to go ahead with the amnio.

Apart from that my age hasn't been an issue at all. Not once have I wished I'd been younger, in fact I think I'm a better mum for being older. I found the whole thing a bit of a doddle, but dd was a very, very easy baby and toddler - went through the night from 5 weeks and never had a tantrum.

IotasCat · 26/02/2009 13:30

I gave up work after the second - that made a big difference to my energy levels.

Original poster
HMC · 26/02/2009 13:34

Right that's it - I shall ask dh if he wants a 'jump' tonight! (snigger)

OP posts:
GentleOtter · 26/02/2009 13:34

I never took the amnio Surfermum. The only thing I found odd about the entire pregnancy was the fact I was only seen four times during the 9 months. I thought they would be checking my bp or something.
I went home on the second day after the section.
One downside of my dh and I being older is that our parents died years ago and having no family to help.

Mercy · 26/02/2009 13:40

HMC, ds was conceived on the first attempt, good luck for tonight

Original poster
HMC · 26/02/2009 13:40

I may have to get dh drunk....

OP posts:
FlyMeToDunoon · 26/02/2009 13:59

You will have a good age gap between the last two. I had a 'surprise' baby when I was 42. The most tiring aspects have been the lack of sleep-DD3 is still coming up to our bed at some point evey night, and the 2 year age gap between DD2 and 3. Very hard work but I wouldn't change it for the world. Get broody now and then too.........NO NO NO!

GentleOtter · 26/02/2009 15:18

Strawberry Cairn O'Mhor HMC !

MGMidget · 26/02/2009 15:20

I had my DS (first child)at 41. No complications in pregnancy and a quick birth so older mothers don't necessarily suffer the problems in pregnancy that medics would have us believe. It was a culture shock getting used to having a child after 40+ child free years but no regrets at all. Physically I am well and used to keep fit pre-baby but alas post baby my gym benefits from my monthly subscription but hardly ever sees me! I don't feel out of place as an older mum as there are other first time mums in my social circle and at playgroups who are a similar age.

stepfordwife · 26/02/2009 15:26

HMC, i had dd when i was 42 - when her brothers were 5 and nearly 4.
spent a year trying to talk myself out of wanting a third child but felt there was someone "missing"
no regrets whatsoever..

gentle otter..47 - wow! am now coming up to 46 and doing my best to ignore broody feelings for no. 4!

Mintyy · 26/02/2009 15:34

I had my second child two weeks before my 41st birthday. I have absolutely no regrets about it - and there is another mum at school who is only 6 weeks younger than me, and plenty who are only a year or two younger, so I don't feel tooooooo ancient at the school gates.

Actually, I think having young children keeps you young.

Countingthegreyhairs · 26/02/2009 15:45

Yes ! Not only would I definitely do this again (had dd when I was 42) am still trying to do so at 44!

Gentle Otter - your post gives me hope - birth at 47, fantastic!! I opted not to have an amnio with dd and wouldn't if I ever manage to get pregnant again ...

I do feel a bit decrepit at the school gates from time to time I suppose (esp. as I live in a country where everyone seems to give birth for the first time in their twenties) and it does mean making "mummy" friends is a bit harder - but not impossible. I'm not afraid to admit ignorance and ask advice of women a decade or two younger than myself who are further down the child-rearing track ...!!

eddiewinkle · 26/02/2009 16:24

Given a choice, I would have liked children in my 30s. However, we do not always get what we want in life and after several miscarriages and years of trying - I had my first child at the age of 42. My daughter is the light of my life and I would not be without her. 100% guaranteed.

stingray · 26/02/2009 16:37

i have 4 children aged 22,15,10 and 2.Everyone assumes my last daughter was unplanned,but that was far from the truth!my husband is 9 years younger than me,we have been together 14 years,and my 10 year old is his.he always wanted more.i miscarried twice before i got pregnant with her so dont be fooled into thinking that there are no risks involved in having a baby at an advanced age.I have had all my babies at home and my pregnancy was very healthy.Im 46 now and honestly dont feel any less energetic than i did having my first child.If im honest i really feel that i am a far better mum now than i have ever been.because she is my last baby i feel time with her is extra precious.im still breast feeding her and dont want to stop yet because then all the baby days will well and truly be over,and i have truly enjoyed every moment.go for it i say,but expect that there may be extra problems,i know that there are people out there that say you can have problems at any age,this is true but it is a well documented fact that there are higher risks associated with pregnancy in your forties.And by the way i have never been mistaken for "grandma".good luck.

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