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Original poster

So angry. 5yr olds been told Father Christmas not real.

57 replies

skiingmummy · 09/11/2008 21:47

Grrr I'm so angry I just had to share this.

I gave a classmate of my son (they're not even friends) a lift to a party yesterday and on the way there my son and I were chatting about stuff including Christmas and Santa (my 5yr old is getting v excited about xmas) and the next thing this other child says "Father Christmas isn't real". I just said "who told u that" and the reply was my Mummy. Of course my son then asked me 'is Father xmas real' to which I replied 'of course'. When this other lad told me I was lying I just said well you believe what your Mummy tells u and my son will believe what I tell him and this 5yr old then says " oh are you keeping it secret". So not only have his parents ruined the magic of Christmas for their children they're going to ruin it for everyone else.

Am I overreacting here? We never had money as children but it didn't stop Christmas being magical with the anticipation of Father Christmas coming and then the reality of finding that your stocking had been magically filled. We never had lots of stuff and it was never ever expensive but the thrill of finding a couple of tangerines and a couple of small toys was amazing and I can still remember the feelings of excitement.

Am I wrong to want that for my 3 and 5yr olds?

I was absolutely mad yesterday and can't decide whether I should say something to this childs Mum about he shouldn't be telling other children coz its not fair. I don't want to criticize their parenting but equally why should they spoil Christmas for the rest of the children? I'm not thick I know they'll find out that hes not real sooner or later but isn't that the point - shouldn't we let children find out for themselves? I'm sure at 5 they're not even going to consider that santa isn't real unless someone specifically tells them.

Am I overreacting? Should I say something?

Any opinions gratefully received and apols this is long and ranting but I'm still mad/upset/sad and I've potentially got to face this mum tomorrow at school. When I took the boy back after the party I dashed off as soon as the mum answered the door as I didn't trust myself to be calm and civil - I was soooo cross.

What do people think?

OP posts:
saadia · 09/11/2008 21:53

I think you are over-reacting a bit. The boy's mum is bringing him up as she sees fit.

Ds1 said yesterday that a school-friend had told him that I was putting money under his pillow and not the tooth fairy. Dh and I said well we're pretty sure the tooth fairy came because we saw some lights lol. Anyway he concluded that his friend was wrong.

Could you not tell your ds that Father Christmas only visits people who believe in him or who want him to come - five year olds can be quite gullible, I know my six year old ds would fall for that.

T

constancereader · 09/11/2008 21:56

It is a shame that the other child mentioned it, but really I don't think you can dictate what other people say to their children about these things. Will your ds not buy the "Father Christmas only comes to people who believe in him" line - that's what I told my class of five year olds when one child brought this up.

I wouldn't mention it to the other mother, I don't think it will get you anywhere.

mabanana · 09/11/2008 21:57

It's very hard as you are basically very angry with a child for telling the truth! I do sympathise, as I love it that my little ones really believe and it makes Christmas so exciting for them, but on the other hand, you can't insist other people's children lie to your children, can you? People go ballistic if their children lie (often to a degree I find really excessive) then get upset when they tell the truth!
I think if you think your kids want to believe, and you want them to believe, you just say, 'well, let's see what happens at Christmas, eh?' and play it down.

MyDingaling · 09/11/2008 21:59

I would feel the same as you. I would be really mad. Chldren grow up far too quickly imo.
When I look back on my childhood, I have really lovely memories of the excitemnet of Christmas eve and the " has he been?" on christmas day. I want this magic for my children.

tortoiseshellWasMusicaYearsAgo · 09/11/2008 21:59

YABU - the other boy is correct in what he says. And tbh as soon as they go to school then there is the possibility of them being 'told'. If you want to perpetuate the myth then you have to think of an 'explanation' that your child will swallow.

We didn't do Father Christmas as a 'reality' at all - but the kids still have a magical christmas - and ds1 dresses up as Father Christmas every Christmas afternoon and delivers presents. Even though dd and ds2 know it's ds1, they are still totally blown away by the magic of him actually 'being' there.

soapbox · 09/11/2008 22:00

I think you are being most unfair. Why should this parent not be allowed to tell her child what she feels is right for him? Why should what you want for your child take priority over what she wants for hers?

My DD had a girl in her class who is Muslim and who was very openly not followed the Santa story.

We just played it down - 'we all believe different things, it is up to you what you believe in' kind of thing. That allows everyone to have their own thoughts and beliefs in the matter.

I think you really need to chill out, tbh!

Original poster
skiingmummy · 09/11/2008 22:00

Yes and thats what I've said to him actually. But why tell your 5 year old that santas not real and other parents keep that fact secret from their children? I just don't understand this.

I know for a fact these children had santa last year because I gave this mum a lift to the shops to do her santa shopping and she even asked my opinion on some toys on the way there!!

OP posts:
singyswife · 09/11/2008 22:00

I would be tempted to send a note into school for a general chat on this. I know in our school the primary 1 class are the only one in the school who santa visits and it would be very upsetting for them in some little brat informed them that he wasnt real. I think I would also be tempted to say to the parents to maybe ask their son to not broadcast this. My nephew found out last year the the easter bunny wasnt real but because his cousin was only 4 he kept it to himself.

themildmanneredsnotmonster · 09/11/2008 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soapbox · 09/11/2008 22:02

But it isn't any business of your's why she told her child that. Loads of people don't follow the santa story - so what!

mabanana · 09/11/2008 22:03

Why tell? Well maybe the boy asked having sussed for himself it was unlikely, and they don't approve of lying to children? And who is to say that this is wrong? And it is TRUE that he doesn't exist and that parents keep it a secret from their children. You would be hugely unreasonable and rude to have a go at this child's parents for the crime of telling their child the truth. It really is not acceptable.
And I speak as teh parent of two 'believers'. I would be very cross if an adult decided to tell MY kids, but you have no right to be cross at a five year old.

themildmanneredsnotmonster · 09/11/2008 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 09/11/2008 22:03

so a child who knows santa doesn't exist and tells the truth is a "brat"

how very odd

LittleWhizzingBella · 09/11/2008 22:04

Yes you're being totally unreasonable.

You just have to accept that if you let your children talk to anyone else outside your family, they may hear things that you might not have chosen for them to hear. Lying about Santa Claus isn't a universally acknowledged necessity.

I lie about it btw, am pretty sure DS (9) is faking belief for the sake of another present, but they do start finding out the truth once they go to school. Particularly if their friends have older siblings.

mabanana · 09/11/2008 22:04

It is SO rude and presumptious to even dare to tell off parents who tell their children the truth! I am really shocked anyone would do that. I would tell you to f off (only more politely as I am nice) and then go home and be very cross indeed.

LittleWhizzingBella · 09/11/2008 22:06

Yes I found that fairly loon-ish too 2shoes.

thumbwitch · 09/11/2008 22:07

I would be angry too for another child to spoil my DS's beliefs in this way. I like the suggestion given that "Santa only comes to children who believe in him" - that seems like a good way to go.

In the end, you have no control over what other people tell their children, or what said children say to each other. It was bound to happen sooner or later, just a shame for you and your DS that it was sooner.

singyswife · 09/11/2008 22:07

THat is not what I meant. Sorry I call my children my 'brats' it is just my pet name for them and that is all I meant. I sometimes forget that this is not RL and people dont really know me. Sorry

colacubes · 09/11/2008 22:07

You are not over reacting, what a terrible thing to do to a 5 year old, part of being a child is believing in magic!

Zazette · 09/11/2008 22:08

All the 'other people believe something different from us' sensitivity is for real issues, surely? things that really matter? not Santa... Children have an immense capacity to hold together contradictory beliefs - my dd is adamant that she is a real fairy, for instance, though at the same time she acknowledges that fairies are NOT 'real'. Likewise, she knows Santa is a myth, and fully enjoys all the magic that goes along with that.

Children are capable of levels of imaginative and intellectual complexity that are beyond many adults, IMO.

soapbox · 09/11/2008 22:08

Well it might be politic to ask a child not to say anything, but at 5yo, one can't really have much expectation that the child will actually be able to keep such knock out news to themselves, can they!

And most people don;t like telling their children to lie!

2shoes · 09/11/2008 22:08

"terrible"???????
a 5 year old who is at school, would be told by someone.

Guadalupe · 09/11/2008 22:08

A small child is not a brat for repeating what their parents have told them and what happens to be the truth. You can't control your own child's environment like this.

My children have believed much longer than I expected them too. They have reported other children saying father christmas and the tooth fairy doesn't exist for years but it doesn't stop what they think is the truth. DD will say, mummy can you believe that so and so doesn't think father christmas exists and that it's really you in an 'honestly' tone while shaking her head. Always makes me laugh.

Original poster
skiingmummy · 09/11/2008 22:09

I'm not angry at the child for telling the truth!! Of course not!

I feel angry that the child has obviously been sat down and told father christmas doesn't exist and that everyone else is lying. Being a 5yr old this child is now going to share this with the rest of the class.

I guess I just feel sad.

OP posts:
singyswife · 09/11/2008 22:10

Sorry am posting this again just to make my point. I am not calling the specific child a brat. THat is not what I meant. Sorry I call my children my 'brats' it is just my pet name for them and that is all I meant. I sometimes forget that this is not RL and people dont really know me. Sorry

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