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Original poster

So angry. 5yr olds been told Father Christmas not real.

57 replies

skiingmummy · 09/11/2008 21:47

Grrr I'm so angry I just had to share this.

I gave a classmate of my son (they're not even friends) a lift to a party yesterday and on the way there my son and I were chatting about stuff including Christmas and Santa (my 5yr old is getting v excited about xmas) and the next thing this other child says "Father Christmas isn't real". I just said "who told u that" and the reply was my Mummy. Of course my son then asked me 'is Father xmas real' to which I replied 'of course'. When this other lad told me I was lying I just said well you believe what your Mummy tells u and my son will believe what I tell him and this 5yr old then says " oh are you keeping it secret". So not only have his parents ruined the magic of Christmas for their children they're going to ruin it for everyone else.

Am I overreacting here? We never had money as children but it didn't stop Christmas being magical with the anticipation of Father Christmas coming and then the reality of finding that your stocking had been magically filled. We never had lots of stuff and it was never ever expensive but the thrill of finding a couple of tangerines and a couple of small toys was amazing and I can still remember the feelings of excitement.

Am I wrong to want that for my 3 and 5yr olds?

I was absolutely mad yesterday and can't decide whether I should say something to this childs Mum about he shouldn't be telling other children coz its not fair. I don't want to criticize their parenting but equally why should they spoil Christmas for the rest of the children? I'm not thick I know they'll find out that hes not real sooner or later but isn't that the point - shouldn't we let children find out for themselves? I'm sure at 5 they're not even going to consider that santa isn't real unless someone specifically tells them.

Am I overreacting? Should I say something?

Any opinions gratefully received and apols this is long and ranting but I'm still mad/upset/sad and I've potentially got to face this mum tomorrow at school. When I took the boy back after the party I dashed off as soon as the mum answered the door as I didn't trust myself to be calm and civil - I was soooo cross.

What do people think?

OP posts:
girlandboy · 09/11/2008 22:10

My dc's rather came to their own conclusions on the Santa issue.

They both came to me and asked me if it was true (due to chatter at school). I said "well, what do you think?" My dd then thought about it and came to the conclusion that mummies and daddies who had lots of children couldn't possibly afford to buy presents for all of them, therefore Santa was real. She must have been about 7 or 8.

My ds has mentioned it this year, (he's 8) and although I don't think he really believes in it, he's going along with it. He said that if he stopped believing in Santa, then Mummy and Daddy would have to pay for the presents. He then thought this might be a bit expensive, and so resorted back to believing in Santa (to save my purse! Ahhhhh!)

On a brighter note, I was still living at my mum and dad's when I was 20. Dad still used to knock on my bedroom door with "HE'S BEEN"

Oh yes, and also, there was a Muslim girl in dd's class who said there was no Santa. Dd said that the girl didn't believe in him because she was a brown girl!

Guadalupe · 09/11/2008 22:11

sorry, singys wife, x posts.

Plenty of people tell their children it's a story though, it doesn't necessarily make it less magical for them.

2shoes · 09/11/2008 22:11

sorry but>>he doesn't exist , it is a lie

mabanana · 09/11/2008 22:12

ridiculous terminology 'been sat down and told'. Don't you think it is more likely that he pretty much worked out the FC thing is impossible, and ASKED his parents, who felt unable to lie? Astonished people think other parents should lie to their kids for the benefit of your kids....and my kids do believe, and I like that, but I realise that I don't have the right to demand other people do things the same way I do.

LittleWhizzingBella · 09/11/2008 22:13

LOL at 20 year old having got gift from Father Christmas!

Original poster
skiingmummy · 09/11/2008 22:14

Worked out at 5? Erm actually no I don't think he had 'worked it out' - the terminology he used had quite clearly come from an adults mouth.

OP posts:
girlandboy · 09/11/2008 22:16

2shoes - I am shocked and horrified. Did you not read the age I was, and still receiving a gift from Santa. Tut tut.

mabanana · 09/11/2008 22:16

Well, I know five year olds who worked out that it wasn't true. And their parents didn't lie to them. I wouldn't contradict or lie to my kids in those circs either. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable telling my kids off for lying if I did.

2shoes · 09/11/2008 22:17

girlandboy

mabanana · 09/11/2008 22:18

The people I know who are most into Christmas are actually childless adults! I think they know FC isn't real...

BreevandercampLGJ · 09/11/2008 22:19

My DS goes to a very Catholic school, he is best friends with a child from a family who are very very Catholic.

This child has never been allowed to "believe" in Father Christmas (it is a lie)

Imagine my horror,to discover this year that the tooth fairy comes to him. And he believes.

frasersmummy · 09/11/2008 22:20

I understand that not all parents do the santa thing and are quite entitled to tell their kids the truth from a very early age.

I also understand that their is no getting around kids saying well thats not what my mummy and daddy say

but when you know for deffo that children in your dc's circle still believe whats wrong with asking your child to play along. For those who enjoy the fairy tale why not let them enjoy it as long as possible

morningpaper · 09/11/2008 22:22

5 year old's don't keep secrets and it is unfair to ask them to do so

and some parents want to tell their children the truth

being angry is a bizarre response and so it insisting that 'their christmas is spoiled' - lots of people have lovely christmases without father christmas, ta

soapbox · 09/11/2008 22:24

You can ask all you like for a child to play along but when it comes down to it they aren't going to. It isn;t the way 5yos behave.

You seem to be putting adult rationale onto a small child.

In any event, it is up to this child's parents what they want him to believe so that is that!

All you can control is your response to it!

morningpaper · 09/11/2008 22:26

Saying to a five year old "Oooh but you mustn't tell you friends" is bizarre, whatever the topic is

I think it is highly inappropriate TBH

PortAndLemon · 09/11/2008 22:32

I'd worked out it wasn't true by the time I was five. And my mother has still never admitted that he doesn't exist , so it wasn't a matter of being sat down and told anything.

I know several young children who are scared stiff of Father Christmas. Would their parents be "ruining the magic of Christmas for their own children" if they told them he wasn't real and would not, in fact, be creeping into their rooms while they slept.

I know another family of Icelandic heritage who have thirteen Father Christmases substitutes instead of Father Christmas. Are they "ruining the magic of Christmas" because they don't believe in Father Christmas?

People bring up their own children in the way they think is best for their individual children. This won't necessarily match with your idea of what constitutes "magic", but it's quite possible to do it without blighting their childhoods.

From your OP, it sounds as though this child's parents have tried to suggest that FC not existing is a secret, but that he hasn't quite cottoned on to the fact that very few of his friends will be in on the secret.

If your DS wants to believe, this incident isn't going to put him off -- in fact, if you want to keep him in ignorance/innocence then it's as well that he knows from early on that some people don't believe in Father Christmas, and that this is sad (or whatever) because then FC doesn't bring them any presents and their parents have to buy all of them. Then he's less likely to be fazed when he gets to 7 or 8 and many of his friends don't believe.

LittleWhizzingBella · 09/11/2008 22:32

I agree

Ongoing secrets are actively discouraged in my house.

abear · 09/11/2008 22:40

I do understand why skiingmummy is so upset and I would feel exactly the same, even if that isn't as PC as telling such little children, who deserve to dream, that it is a myth. It is sad so many small children aren't able to enjoy one of the most magical moments of childhood in the innocent way it is intended.

MaryAnnSingleton · 09/11/2008 22:42

YABU and over reacting really

morningpaper · 09/11/2008 22:42

it's nothing to do with 'pc'

I was never 'taught' about FC either

There is more to a magical christmas than FC and presents

tortoiseshellWasMusicaYearsAgo · 09/11/2008 22:44

Btw, you have committed the cardinal MN sin of putting 'FC not real' in the subject heading, given that a great many 5 year olds can read that, and do read over their mum's shoulders! Happens every year!

I am much more comfortable with my children enjoying the 'legend' rather than believing it to be a reality, and it does get away from the 'is he 'really' true' - 'er, well, no dear.'

tortoiseshellWasMusicaYearsAgo · 09/11/2008 22:46

And I agree with mp, the 'magic' of Christmas isn't just FC and the presents. For us it is the nativity story, setting up the little nativity set, reading the story of Jesus' birth, carol services, listening to Kings', decorating the house, seeing friends, and time spent as a family. FC doesn't even come close to that.

abear · 09/11/2008 22:51

Of course other things make up a magical Christmas, and being part of the local church nativity on Christmas Eve gives my DS that too, but Christmas without FC seems just as sad as Christmas without the nativity? I suppose I just wish he was real - we'd all be better off then!

edam · 09/11/2008 22:51

A while ago I heard someone on the radio pointing out that adults claim FC and TF are imaginary while banks are real. Turns out most 3yos are right and we adults are wrong.

I wouldn't be furious with a child who blurted out that FC isn't real but I'd be pretty teed off at a child who was so rude to you!

edam · 09/11/2008 22:53

Oh heavens, tortoiseshell is right and I hadn't even noticed - get MN to pull the thread or you'll have an awful lot of people very cross with you for letting the cat out of the bag!