Mumsnet - who, when, why?

[Carla]

Where did Mumsnet start? Whose brainchild was it? It's sooo cosy - much better than any NCT meetings I ever went to - getting the cold shoulder 'cos I was new. I'd just love to know how long it's been going and whoever had this fantastic idea and why I never ever want to look at any other 'mums' things. We've had broadband for about twelve weeks now and mmmm... really hard to justify that decision to dh when every time he sees me I'm here ...

Oooh Carla - that's a bit harsh! You obviously haven't tried the virtual NCT meetings at yahoogroups which have been around for about 4 years now.

I think Carrie - who is one of the founder members of mumsnet - used to belong to that group.

The groups are different though - tends to be more WOH mums here and more SAH mums on the NCT list. And the conversations are different too. But both are friendly IMO.

I think any real-life M&B group, NCT or otherwise, may make you feel a bit left out/cold-shouldered - sometimes it's cos the person that holds the group together isn't there that week; sometimes cos there isn't a person who holds the group together anyway! Some groups seem to consist of people who are permanently on a downer and others gel well and have great social events in the evening.

I think these "virtual mother's groups" work better than real ones in some respects as they're anonymous. You don't tend to get cold shouldered as it's less cliquey and far easier to butt in on a typed conversation than to pluck up the courage to speak to a group of real people who are deep in conversation.

And there are things I've joined in with here that I would never ever ever discuss in real life!!

SueW, do you think conversations are easier to follow here than on the NCT list as they're separated nicely? I tend to lose track of the NCT ones

What is it about cliquey M&B groups? When I found out I was pregnant I was excited about the new people I would be meeting, having worked away from my home and not having lived here for long. Yet... at times it was like being back at school with me coming home and weeping to DH (istead of mum) that I didn't want to go the following week ('if so and so was going to be there...' ). I thought (naively) it would be fun as we would all have young babies in common but there's a lot of one upmanship - not just in terms of money but intellectually about such issues as BF, nappies, homeopathic remedies, cake baking (!) and that's before comparisons between the babies.

I know at the time other mothers were getting over the birth, used to sleepless nights, etc. but it was very sad that the women who should have been giving/receiving support were eyeing each other up and working out whether they could be life long buddies and whether they approved of the husbands.

Fortunately, I think the worst is over now. I have made some good friends and a lot of acquaintances to chat to in the street but it's a shame those exciting/scary/tiring/lovely first few months were marred.

Mumsnet has been great - I love the fact that you can offer and ask for advice, voice your opinions or just sit back 'listening'. Just wished I'd discovered it sooner...

I think starting at a M&B group is exactly like starting at a new school, mid term. I've done the cliquey thing myself though - stuck to my usual 'gang' and not chatted to a new arrival simply because I'm c**p at making conversation.

Soupdragon, the software I usually use for accessing the internet, Turnpike, allows me to thread the conversations from all email lists. So I can read them really quickly and easily and everything is pre-sorted.

At the moment, for a few months in fact, I've been using OE and I find that it is more difficult for me to keep track of who has said what, which messages to reply to etc. Believe it or not, given how often I post to NCT, I don't post half as much as I think I ought to.

Love the support on there though. As you know I've had a bit of an outpouring this week and the response has been brilliant. I don't tend to post on here about DD's condition as much as I do there.

Ooo... someone else who uses Turnpike (sorry, off topic I know, but it's such a nice email/news client).