Making a will....

[batey]

Have you made yours? How do you go about it? A recent visit to my Gran in a home has filled my head with things I want to tell my dds before/if I become unable to.Can you include the more "waffly" but important things like that in a will?

Also the visit has made me want to have some serious talks with my parents??!!Do you all know how your parents want to be cared for when they're older, can you really plan for this??

We made a will when Dd was born. We did it to make clear who should look after the children if both Dh and I died suddenly. We kept the will very simple and matter of fact.

Have the serious talks with your parents and do it asap! My mother has developed dementia (through strokes so it was very sudden), and thanks to her wonderful consultant we got an enduring power of attorny (sp?) which allows my brother and i to deal with my mothers financial affairs. (She is in a locked ward in a psychogeriatric hospital). If this haddent happened, we would have had to go to court to sort it, which would have been time consuming and expensive. Everyone shouldset up a power of atourny that can kick in if you are incapacitated. For example if you or Dp have a stoke and cannot sign a cheque, no-one else can access tha a/c. I deeply regret that I didn't have more chat with my mother, about ordinary everyday things, and now when I go to see her she often has no idea who I am, or forgets that I am there, and walks off. So say it now! And make the plans when you are all well enough to make you desires known, it is so much easier that when you a ripped up with sadness and guilt.

WE have not done a will yet, we only have one child and i am sure that if something happened to us, it would all go to him. Am i right?, other that that when i went on honeymoon with dh we told our parents that if anything happened to us then i want my parents to bring Daniel up.

I have often discussed what i would do with my parents get them older, i have often said that i will look around for the best home for them, because they do not want to be a burden to us, i am sure that then the time comes things might change.

This is one of my pet subjects (there's a lot about wills in the archives).

Breeze - please do make a will - even with just one child there is an awful lot to sort out - do you want your relatives to have to go through this hassle? Do you want your child to inherit everything immediately? Do you want to make financial provision for the people that will care for your child?

I made a will as soon as I started earning, changed it when I got married & changed it again when we had a child - we have appointed a guardian (SIL) to care for our child but also made arrangments so that she can have access to the funds in view of the additional financial responsibilities - ie: they would probably need to move to a bigger house. I also would not want a young child or even teenager inheriting a large sum of money, which bearing in mind house values, pension & insurance payouts etc is not totally out of the question.

I have also had careful discussions with my parents & they have made it very clear they want to go into professional 'care' accommodation when they can no longer live alone & have stressed that they do not expect to live with any of their children - they have also made suitable financial provision for this.

I know these subjects can be difficult but we had a horrible few months with MIL when she was terminally ill which caused a lot of stress within the family about how she should be cared for, & now, although she did leave a will, there is still an awful lot to do.

Sorry if this comes over as pious & super efficient, it's just something I feel very, very strongly about.

If you don't make a will you'll be giving money to the taxman when it goes through probate.

sorry, "it" being the sorting out of your estate.

We have made wills - my Dad made me make one when I turned 18 (what a great 18th present eh??) and then I changed it when we got married, and we changed them again when each child was born.
We have made sure that our children will be looked after by BIL and his wife, (who were delighted to be asked) and have sorted out all the financial side - children dont get their greedy mitts on any money until they are 21 but guardians have access to pay for education, etc ... We keep the will in our locked box, and in with it have put details of what we would like for funerals (if we were both killed in an accident for example) and also a letter from each of us for each of our children, just to tell them the things we want them to remember.
You can put waffly bits in a will - my Dad has in his will 'To my brother Colin, who always wanted to be remembered in my will : Hello Colin!'
We have also had to sort things out from the other side - the eldest of my younger brothers is autistic and will always need a legal guardian and I am to be that when my parents can't do it any more. I also am an executor of my parents will, so know where all their details are and what their wishes are. It is well worth doing. It seems a bit morbid at the time but it is worthwhile doing, it really puts your mind at rest.

I made a will; it has a few bequests for my nieces & nephew, and a lot of talk about who looks after the kids if I die. We do keep meaning to get that enduring power of attorney sorted out... if I recall right... if you don't have the enduring power of attorney, and if you have a joint bank account, and one person becomes incapacitated (like if they went into a coma), doesn't the account get frozen?? Same for any other joint assets? NiGHTMARE.

IIRC joint is ok as you don't need 2 signatures, but single a/c would be frozen. It is well worth getting it sorted out, and doesn't cost that much.

We got our local family solicitor (who is also the sluglet's godfather) to draw up our will after she was born. I've seen the mess left by a friend's uncle dying suddenly without one, leaving his wife unble to sell the house for years, so I was very keen to have one.

I've asked one of my sisters and one of my brothers to be guardian if her grandparents die first (does this make sense? Her grandparents in the first instance, followed by B&S) I've asked them because a) they have children of similar ages and b) they have similar childrearing parctices/morals and outlook to mine. I'm also executor to my parents will (In my dad's words, I'm the "sensible" one in the family)

It's actually quite an interesting and revealing thing to do. Dh and I had long discussions about the type of funeral we would like to have and the sort of care his parents want should they become incapicated. It's really nice to have it out in the open and in the event of something happening, being absolutly sure we know "It's what they would have wanted".

Hi, just thought you might find this thread useful. Has everyone made a will

Still haven't made one though! Still don't know who could, realistically, look after my daughter if anything happened to me.

Dh and I finally got our act together - only 4 yrs after ds was born - and are in the process of amending our wills. Just typed up my bequests list! It has made me question my parents wishes for their old age, too. It seemed like a good idea to tell them what we were doing .... and by the way, what do you want us to do when you get old?

We've just had our wills re-done, freebie with the solicitor who did our conveyancing recently. DH and I have also, strangely, enjoyed talking about what we would like in the way of a funeral etc. Have any of you seen this ? DH wants the skip!

Tinker, I know ? that's the very thing that's stopping us ? we can't agree on guardians for ds, which somehow seems like the most important thing. The only people I could really imagine doing it are my in-laws, and they're getting on a bit. But there really doesn't seem to be anyone else.

Right - i'm gonna get our will sorted NOW, have been procrastinating too long. I know I want my sis to look after dd if we're both gone but what about the money side of it. I would want dd to have everything when she is 21 but obviously I would want sis to be given some money to cover looking after dd. How do you put that in a will? I can't imagine you can say give sis xxx a week or 50% of the total estate etc. cos we're not worth that much so how would you know what is necessary. Is there a phrase to use to leave everything to dd and sis to be allowed access to it for expenses for dd plus a bit more for her trouble!...(IYKWIM) ?

Cathy1, if you go and see a solicitor and explain all your worries they will know exactly what to do. I have our draft Wills in front of me right now. We want any money to be held in trust for our children until they are 21 but like you want money to be made available for their eduction and care if we were to die before then. Here is what our Will says (Scots Law mind you but I don't know if there is much difference when it comes to Wills):_

"Declaring that in the event of my children being under the age of Twenty one years at the time of my death, my Trustees shall retain the residue of my estate until they respectively attain said age of Twenty one years; Further declaring that my Trustees shall have full power in their sole discretion to make payments from the residue of my estate for the maintenance, education and general well being of my children until they respectively attain said age of Twenty one years;"

This hopefully covers all eventualities.

Cathy1 - just been to dig out a copy of our will! We appointed SIL as guardian & both SIL and my DB as trustees to oversee the finance side. The wording we used was this:

'Our intention is that DS should live with SIL who will become his legal guardian. We would wish to make available a sum of up to £X (or equivalent market value) with the specific purpose of enabling her to purchase a new house, if necessary, to provide sufficient accommodation for her family & DS. The accrued value of this money would be returned to DS at the age of 25 based on the following sliding scale: if our deaths occur before DS's first birthday - zero remibursement; if our deaths occur after DS's 18th birthday - 100%.

We would wish the trustees to ensure that DS's inheritance is invested with the primary intention of growth. However there should also be sufficient investment for income to be made available to SIL for routine costs such as food, clothing, holidays, pocket money, further education fees and expenses etc. These payments to continue whilst DS is living with SIL and whilst he is in further education.

Sorry this sounds so longwinded - basically the £X figure will depend on your personal financial situation & that of the guardian you will be appointing, we used the rough figure of how much more she would need to buy a house with an extra bedroom (+ a bit more).

Hope this helps - your solicitor would probably 'tart' up the wording.

A solicitor recently told me that having a will drawn up professionally shouldn't cost any more than having your washing machine fixed ? about £70-£80 ? unless you're legally inclined, I'd think this a good investment. The last thing you want to do is leave problems for your loved ones to sort out. A good one should give you a list of standard questions to make sure you cover all eventualities & you can discuss any special wishes and circumstances. Must get on and do it!

Its choosing the guardians thats putting me off. I'm really unsure how to choose, whether to let them and other family members know etc. Anyone any experience?

Also, are the trustees also the guardians or different so they keep an eye on the guardians from embezzling funds. I am considering Sis/BIL who are immature and spendthrifts but our best option at present as guardians but want sensible trustees (who can't adopt DS) to keep an eye on finances.

Can't help being suspicious of everyone especially after life insurance payouts they could access vast sums of money.

Oh, I think you should definitely let the people you choose to appoint as guardians know. If they have any reservations, I'd want to know beforehand, then I could choose someone else who might be happier to do it. You could probably make it clear that there'd be some sort of financial allowance from your estate to take care of your children's needs, but I'm sure your solicitor will be able to advise on this.

Bozza, dh and I are listed in brothers/sil's will as guardians to my dn's should anything happen to them. I definitely think you should tell/ask the people you have chosen before putting it in the will. I remember when we were asked, we just said yes, of course, immediately, but my brother actually pointed out what a huge life changing decision this could be (this was pre our dd)and we had a long discussion about all aspects of it. Of course we still said yes, but there are a lot of practicalities to consider. As they don't live locally, it would have meant us moving, me giving up work/changing jobs etc etc, which has all been taken into consideration in their will. Now we just need to sort ours out, and hopefully b/sil will return the favour! Think i've just rambled. Hope it made sense!

Clucks - in our case the guardian is one of the trustees and we have also appointed another one, my DB, just in case there is any question of fraud etc.

I think you MUST get the proposed guardian to agree before including it in your will, after all the person might refuse & then where would it leave your child/ren?

It isn't easy to choose a guardian, like others, we have recipricol arrangements with SIL, but you have to accept there will be differences in the way your child/ren will be brought up - should the worse happen; you just have to make the best choice.

Breeze, I think it's great you have that understanding with your parents. I can't envisage either of mine saying that. Realisticly I think my Dad will outlive my Mum, and he's 10x Victor Meldrew, I just think he'd be awful to have to care for! As much as I love him I don't think I could do it. But I think he'd get v. depressed in a home. It's not imminent but it is a worry.

I WILL get around to making a will now! I think it might be quite long?!

Do you think it's appropriate/possible to stipulate that you dont want your children smacked? Don't want to open that can of worms, only I have always promised my dds we'll never hit them. However, my sis, who we'd want to have the dds does, v. occasionally, smack hers? It could be hard in practise for her....?

The other thing to check with guardians is what happens in the absolute worse case - ie you die and then subsequently they do too. When we approached some friends to be guardians, they then asked their childrens potential guardians if they would be OK having ours too.

As for trustees, we have 3, one of the guardians, a grandparent and another friend who is a financial adviser. I agree that with life insurance payouts etc you want to be happy that someone is looking after things financially, and that that shouldn't necessarily be done by those looking after your children.

Bozza, the sorts of things that we were told to consider were a) the total number and ages of children which could be together (eg would a friend be happy suddenly going from say 2 children to 4 under the age of 5); b) the age of the guardians in relation to the children (not much point in nominating elderly relations without also nominating "back-up"; c) style and ethos of parenting (by far the most difficult, and yet the most important); d) your children's relationship to the guardians and their family; e) consideration of impact to guardians family and lifestyle (eg will they need a significantly bigger house, and will that be funded by your child's trust fund etc).

We have an agreement with our nominated guardians that we will check with them annually to see whether they are still happy to continue (with fingers crossed each time I ought to add!). As we are expecting another child we have also asked whether that would change their decision.

It is a nightmare area, and I think very few people find the "ideal" guardians. Good luck with your search.

For those of you who have drawn up a will, who have you chosen as executor? Don't know very many people here, can't imagine burdening my sister with the problem of sorting out our finances (more complicated because we have assets in NZ as well as here) - should we just bite the bullet and accept that a solicitor should take their chunk?