Making a will....

[batey]

Have you made yours? How do you go about it? A recent visit to my Gran in a home has filled my head with things I want to tell my dds before/if I become unable to.Can you include the more "waffly" but important things like that in a will?

Also the visit has made me want to have some serious talks with my parents??!!Do you all know how your parents want to be cared for when they're older, can you really plan for this??

DH is a wills, probate and tax planning solicitor. He definitely recommneds you make a will, especially if you have a family.

It terms of costs, I think his firm charges about £75 for a single will, about £100 for a couple. It's more if you have lots of tax planning to include. This IS a good competitve rate so I guess that's what you should be looking at. Beware going for a cheapie. DH has had to sort out lots of badly drawn up wills - nearly as bad as no will at all!

DH says that a good lawyer will go through everything with you at the time so you don't have to worry about it too much in advance. Some of the important things you might want to think about though are:

• who do you want as executors?
• who will look after money for children?
• who do you want as guardians?
• how do you want your money split up?

I have probably missed others our but DH is out at the mo. I just remember this from making ours.

You can also leave other things with your will (like the letter you were talking about). If your lawyer looks after it, the papers will all be stored in their safe, or you can choose to have it at home yourself.

Florenceuk - our executors are my dad and DH's dad if we both die or DH die, or DH if just me.

Well, I now feel so morbid!!! But, it is very very important. Please go ahead and get one done!

Still can't get my head around the guardian bit. Is it better to have same generation or grandparents? MiriamW you've given me some ideas. But i don't have anyone close with children to look at parenting styles. Both DH and my parents are in their early to mid 50s so not that old. We have 3 sisters between us - all younger than us, one married, one getting married and one single....Its a tough one.

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A very wealthy colleague of mine whose children have given him a hard time over the years, drugs, drink, dropping out etc. has decided to leave them very little, doesn't care if the taxman gets most.

He feels all the years of tax paying with little drawing out mean he can burden the social services with his troublesome bunch..

This is fascinating reading. Ds1 is 10 and we still haven't made wills. Its ridiculous, and I am thinking now, having read this, that I must put it back to the top of my 'to do' list.
Bozza, we were spurred on last year to think about who we would ask to be guardians. I had been chatting with friends and suddely realised that I could no longer stick my head in the sand. So went home and talked to dh. We decided to ask the older of my younger brothers, and he said yes, but it is not at all straightforward. None of my brothers have children, so altho he's a lovely uncle, what if he has children of his own one day, how would that fit with our 3? And what if in the meantime he decides to go and live abroad or somrthing? He lives hundreds of miles away as it is, and has a tiny flat and low income, so I said to him that any money from insurance etc would go to hime to pay for them, but whether it would be adequate I dont know. Obviously we would want the children to stay at the same school and with friends, but would that be fair on my brother? Its all so unlikely, but would have such consequences for everyone. Dh's family all live on the other side of the world so we agreed that we would put in our will that we would want to ensure continued contact but that the children would stay in the UK. We decided against asking either of my parents because of age; realistically we can't know for sure whether they would be capable of doing it even in 2 or 3 years.I think I would write that ideally we would want them to share the care with my brother, but that he would be 'in charge'.
Its so hard to think about isn't it, it made me cry when I thought too long. And yet it really does have to be done.

Bozza,
We have a ds of 22 months and another expected May. Our guardians are in their early 40s with 2 adopted children of 17 (now left home) and 15, so effectively they would be starting again with our 2, but at an age where it is reasonable to do so.

The main drawback for us is that they live in the Midlands and we're here in London. At present I would view under-5s to be reasonably adaptable, but obviously as they get older, and especially as they approach their teens issues of geographical stability kick in - you don't want an adolescent suddenly losing both parents and being uprooted from their friends at the same time.

As I mentioned earlier I do think that it is worth approaching the decision on an annual basis - that way you don't offend the chosen party should you later change your mind (as your child gets older), and they also have a get-out clause. It makes a lot of sense to have a valid will for all sorts of reasons, but you shouldn't feel bound to it for life. I just use ds's birthday as a reminder to check it. If all you're doing is changing the guardian, then you needn't even go back through solicitors - you can just retype and re-sign.

I'm not sure of the age of your children, but you should at least consider the option, if you want, of say nominating your parents for now, and then choosing a sister as they settle down etc.

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Did it!Have set the wheels in motion with a solicitor today. I shall be re-reading all of this to work out what I need.Thanks for all the wise words!!

P.S. Quotes varied from 100pounds each to a special offer of 40 pounds for 2 people!!

This is such an interesting thread. Do any of you have a dh/dp who disagrees with you regarding the custody of children in the awful event of an accident. I haven't asked my parents yet because I know dh thinks this would be unfair on his family. BUT, his mum is single, plans to retire abroad where her boyfriend has a house, has 4 grandchildren already and IMO is just not as responsible or reliable as my parents (although she is nice and really good fun).

My parents only have our 3 as granchildren, live near my brother who has recently married and who has very similar ideas to my own re childrearing etc. Also, can you put in a will that you would like the children to remain in contact with certain relatives ie dh's family if my parents were made guardians? I know its not likely to happen but it makes you think....

I did a will shortly after ds was born (it was supposed to be shortly before, but I never quite got there). I have substantially more money than my dh and will be inheiriting even more from my parents. If I die my estate is left in trust to my children for when they turn 35. In the meantime my dh will get the interest on the estate (to look after himself and the children). My parents are listed as both executors and guardians (if both of us die). They are getting old, so probably wouldn't be suitable guardians in a few years, but that can always be ammended relatively easily. I have left everything in trust for two reasons. One, so that my children will feel the need to make their own way in life without just waiting for me to die so they never have to work. And secondly, so that my dh's ex's will not go after him for money for their children. My lawyer also advised that I write a letter to keep with the will that states what I feel would be important in the upbringing of our children. And the type of things that I would feel comfortable for the executor to dip into the principal of the estate for (i.e. paying for university for the children, buying a house, loans to start a business)....Now I just have to drag dh down to the lawyer's (he hates them) to get him to do a will.

Robinw I agree that it would probably be better for children, in the awful event of losing both parents, to be with friends in the same area, rather than with family possibly far away. We thought that too when considering this. But friends nearby with children, who would be perhaps most likely too share attitudes to childrearing too, are all busy with their own kids and I cant see how three more could be incorporated into any family. I wouldnt even dare ask them!
I have mentioned to 2 close friends who each only have one child that I would always be ready to look after that child if the worst happened, (tho in fact they both have family arrangements) but can't see how anyone cd cope with 3. I guess it gets harder the more you have.

I haven't read this thread right through, but I have the same problem as Tinker - who do I name as a guardian?

I'm a single mum and had always thought of putting my own parents down as guardians. But after a recent series of rows over parenting issues I'm not so sure - we have very different ideas. Besides, they're not getting any younger. But there's noone else. I have a sister, but she doesn't have children, and her views are again very different. We have never got on and tbh I wouldn't trust her with my kids. None of my close friends have kids either - there's just noone I trust enough to look after them.

The other issue is money. How much does it cost to prepare a will. I bought a will pack from WHSmiths, but it said if guardianship was an issue you should go and see a solicitor. Well, how much does that cost????

We've been told about £45 from local solicitor anais. Also have problem of who to name as guardian ... just don't know the perfect candidates ! And thinking about it makes me cry, so discussion with dp never get very far !

Seriously, what happens if you don't name a guardian? Could my daughter go into care?

We have chosen my dh's brother and SIL as guardians. They don't have any children of their own but we talked it all over in a lot of detail with them when dd was born and they are happy to take on the responsibility should the situation arise. We wondered about a lot of peopl ebut in the end we had to choose people we could really trust to bring our children up well, and we were convinced they were the only choice. From out POV as we are Christians it was important that the guardians were too, and we didn't want to ask any of our parents, we feel they have done their bit for child rearing and anyway the hassles it would cause if we chose one over another was just awful! Much as I love my sisters and brothers I just didnt feel any of them were right, only one of my brothers has children and I amnot entirely comfortable with their parenting style as compared to ours, and I am also sure my BIL would be 100% fair in letting all members of my family see the children, where I wouldn't be so sure it would work if one of my siblings had them. It is such a hard decision but one that is so important. I hated writing it all down but I am glad I have done it!

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I guess for me the scariest thing is, as robinw has pointed out, that if I can't appoint a guardian, a court will, and at that point it will be too late for me to list my objections to the possible candidates.

And however crap I am at the role myself, I can't ever bear to think of having to choose another "mummy" and "daddy" for ds. But the idea of letting strangers choose, on the basis of social services reports is even more awful to contemplate.

I know that for some the admin etc involved is a very real barrier, but I personally think that making adequate life insurance arrangements, and having a will made are just as important as putting up stairgates, installing window-locks etc.

I guess that I am fortunate in being able to agree with dh on what happens, but to be honest, even if I didn't, I would still make a will rather than leaving it unmade, even if that meant that a court to have to decide between 2 guardians chosen by the parents.

I must admit that I haven't put anyone as my dd's guardian on my will. My view is that even if you put someone thay are not obliged to have the child living them if they change their minds, surely? And people might change their mind due to a change of circumstance,etc. I just know that if it became an issue for us one of my family would look after her.

Must admit that after reading this thread my dh and I have decided to make a will, I know that you can buy them from WH Smith and Woolworths, I know it sounds like a daft question but if we got one of these would they have to be signed by a solicitor to be legally binding. This thread has given me lot of ideas what i should be including, thank you everyone.

Don't think so but they do have to be signed by 2 witnesses.

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Quick update, saw solicitor today and the ball in definitely rolling. So far, it was more straightforward than I'd envisaged. Our draft wills are being done this week. One thing he advised was to put our life assurance policies into a Trust, therefore avoiding Inheritance Tax.Will post more when I don't have 2 dds on my lap wanting to play C Beebies!!!!

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