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Original poster

Going to a wedding .. they want cash not gifts...

84 replies

robinpud · 01/08/2008 21:31

Hmm.. they have asked, very nicely, that if guests do want to buy anything, ( and they don't need anything as have teeny tiny house with no space) that we give cash.
so do we get them cash as requested.. gift cards for John Lewis or similar, or go with my gut instinct and get them 3 fine bottles of champagne for special moments in the year to come?

OP posts:
forevercleaning · 02/08/2008 09:39

Extremely Rude to ask for cash, vouchers for a shop is fine as they may be collecting a dinner service etc and not wish to end up with several of the same, but that should also be up to the guest to decide.

I would never give or ask for cash.

A wedding gift is exactly that, a gift chosen by the person invited to the wedding. It is embarrassing all round, someone who does not have much money may cringe if they only had a few pounds to give.

You would not ask for cash at any other time i.e. birthdays so why at a wedding.

We know we can end up with some things we would rather not, but that is life!

Bumperlicious · 02/08/2008 09:43

I'm with Capp and LL on this one. The problem with saying no presents is some people just insist on buying something, and a lot of people expect lists, it just makes things easier.

Much better to get the couple something they want rather than waste money on something they may not like. Very wasteful and unenvironmentally friendly IMO. Presents are about the receiver.

QuintessentialShadows · 02/08/2008 10:41

Butterfly,

I got married on a £800 budget, I did not ask for any wedding presents at all, but got a rather nice little collection of thoughtful gifts, and some cards with money inserted. I am sure I had the best wedding ever!

But, some people just want to choose, especially if they have a lot, or if they have little.

I still dont think asking for money is rude. Possibly because quite a few of my friends have done it, they are the least rude people in the world, in fact, caring and considerate people who give a lot of their time, volunteer work and charitable work, but have little money themselves. When one particular couple sendt wedding invitations asking if we wanted to give them a present, could we please consider giving them cash to allow them to set out on their lives journey together, as they needed deposit for their first flat, I find it far from rude.

Branding all cash requests rude and crass is quite a sweeping statement, that show little care and understanding for the situation a lot of people are in.

themildmanneredjanitor · 02/08/2008 10:45

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falcon · 02/08/2008 12:20

I'm sorry but I'm still of the opinion that asking for cash gifts is rude, regardless of circumstances.

QuintessentialShadows · 02/08/2008 14:29

that is fine Falcon, you are allowed your opinion.

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 02/08/2008 14:32

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QuintessentialShadows · 02/08/2008 14:36

We are all so different. See, I would hate receiving champagne, however good it is. Expensive drink, such a waste, will always be saved for that special occasion, then it is vinegar with bubbles before you know it. I got it once, and thought, gosh have they no imagination. (from the perspective they should know I wouldnt like it)

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 02/08/2008 14:38

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ElfOnTheTopShelf · 02/08/2008 14:43

I dont think it is bad manners to ask for cash. It is actually getting more and more common to ask for vouchers and/or cash because people have been living together and have their "stuff".
When we got married, we said we didn't particularly want presents as we had our stuff, so people gave us vouchers or cash. We were very grateful, obviously.
We did get presents, a couple of vases etc which were lovely, but we also got a lot of bottles of wine / champers, which was nice, but we are teetotal (pratically) and so we still have wine in the cupboard, four years later.
As a guest, I prefer the cash/voucher route, as I hate shopping for gifts!!

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 02/08/2008 14:45

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ElfOnTheTopShelf · 02/08/2008 14:53

I would feel rude going to a wedding and not giving a present!
Is it in Greece where people pin money to the brides dress?

TillyScoutsmum · 02/08/2008 15:05

Could you maybe get them a hotel gift voucher towards a night away for their anniversary (or whenever) ?

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for money or putting a gift list in an invitation but at the same time, I wouldn't have an issue with giving it, if requested.

Ambi · 02/08/2008 18:25

I think there's a simple solution. If you do not like the reqests of cash as a gift, do not give it, after all any gifts are not obligatory. Just give what you feel is appropriate.

When we got married, we didn't want any gifts, or for people to feel like they had to give. Just that they came to our party and had a good time. We did of course get gifts from nearly everyone as is the norm and were grateful that they took the time to do this, but I would have been happy with a full room and no gifts. I also agree that in no way should the guests fund the costs incurred in the wedding, if the bride and groom cannot afford it then they should scale down their plans.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2008 18:32

I'm getting married again so I can invite Malory to my wedding - her taste is right up my street.

Crass to ask for cash for a house deposit or for guests to fund your honeymoon - too much like begging, IMO.

And I couldn't agree more, if you already have all the 'stuff' you need, then why do you need to ask for gifts, be they cash or not, at all? Why not charity donations or just ask for your guests' presence.

PeaMcLean · 02/08/2008 19:04

Well I'm sorry some people think it's rude to ask for cash, but the original painting we bought from a local artist will be a beautiful reminder of our wedding a lot longer than a bottle of champagne or a kettle. We sent pictures of it to all our guests with our thanks. It was a small wedding but a fabulous day.

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 02/08/2008 19:23

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Pruners · 02/08/2008 19:28

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paolosgirl · 02/08/2008 19:29

We were invited to a wedding recently, and the invitation said "If you would like to buy a gift, we have a list at John Lewis. If you would like to contribute to the honeymoon, we have a list at Trailblazers". Guests were given the choice of a present or cash, with no assumption that they would receive either.

I have no problem at all with giving cash or vouchers - it's the couple's day, and if that's what they want, fine. Saves me from trailing round the shops!

Pruners · 02/08/2008 19:30

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expatinscotland · 02/08/2008 19:32

i would have a case delivered to you, Malory. again, carefully selected based on past tastings !

and a bottle of billecart-salmon - the colour of love .

the first time and the last time i wore a strapless dress was nearly 20 years ago.

it's a definite 'don't' in my book!

i do love people-watching at weddings.

if those walls could talk!

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 02/08/2008 19:33

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PeaMcLean · 02/08/2008 19:35

Does anyone ever actually turn up to a wedding without a present???

(Except if you have completely skint as an excuse)

Pruners · 02/08/2008 19:38

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expatinscotland · 02/08/2008 19:45

i hope you gave her some lovely latrines or bags of shite fertiliser, courtesy of Oxfam, Pruners .

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