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Original poster

Going to a wedding .. they want cash not gifts...

84 replies

robinpud · 01/08/2008 21:31

Hmm.. they have asked, very nicely, that if guests do want to buy anything, ( and they don't need anything as have teeny tiny house with no space) that we give cash.
so do we get them cash as requested.. gift cards for John Lewis or similar, or go with my gut instinct and get them 3 fine bottles of champagne for special moments in the year to come?

OP posts:

littlelapin · 01/08/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cappuccino · 01/08/2008 22:51

why? if you invite 50 people and give them a choice you are going to get maybe 5 gifts you want, and the rest are skip material

otherwise you have to live with crap you don't want for the rest of your days

there's just too much to go wrong there

zippitippitoes · 01/08/2008 22:53

i think they should sit in a big pool and peoiple throw in cash and they get it back

expatinscotland · 01/08/2008 22:53

no, i don't buy it.

get a list of stuff you want then, but asking for money flat out, however nicely, is just not on form, IMO.

cornsilk · 01/08/2008 22:53

I don't like giving cash. My brother asked for cash at his wedding, fair enough we knew what he wanted it for and were more than happy to contribute. We were all worried about the cards containing the cash getting lost though.(A family of drinkers!) It's easier with presents - they go on the table and are unlikely to walk!

littlelapin · 01/08/2008 22:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeaMcLean · 01/08/2008 22:57

I did try and arrange for a friend to accept the "donations" then hand us a lump sum so that it could be anonymous - ie, we wouldn't be able to see who had contributed what. Most people gave direct though.

chopchopbusybusy · 01/08/2008 23:00

I think if you thought three bottles of champagne,then just give the monetary value of three bottles of champagne.

swallowthree · 01/08/2008 23:02

Cash or lots of stuff you don't need. Save the planet - cash.

cornsilk · 01/08/2008 23:02

I do understand people being specific at weddings about what they want as they could so easily end up with stuff they don't want, which is a waste and just silly.
However I do think that aside from that, asking for cash, (unless you are really skint and need it) is bad form.

butterflybessie · 01/08/2008 23:05

It is appallingly bad mannered to ask for cash, if you don't need anything just say no presents.

If you need/want an item and are asked for advice then say what you would like

But money

50p would be my response, and a jolly generous response in my opinion

QuintessentialShadows · 01/08/2008 23:32

Then you would be rude, butterfly, but the wedding couple may simply be hard off?

Weddings are not just for the rich, you know. Even "poor" people want to celebrate their union. Maybe the only way they can do this is by letting the guests contribute, by asking for money, to actually pay off some of the cost of the wedding? They give a good party, chose away gifts, but want some help in footing some of the costs. I see nothing wrong with that. I have enough friends who struggle financially, but still want a wedding and a party to go with it.

Maybe they DONT have anything, but would prefer to shop in Wittards for their tea cups rather than subscribe to Royal Doulton.

electra · 01/08/2008 23:36

Asking for cash as a wedding gift is imo bad etiquette and crass. I would not do it.

cornsilk · 01/08/2008 23:38

I see nothing wrong also with people who need it asking for cash. As I have said, my brother did, he told us what it was for, we were all keen to contribute, our only worry was he'd loose the cards! What bugs me is people who are loaded who also ask for cash for presents. My dh's dad and step mum are loaded and ask for cash every Xmas and birthday. WHY? It really bugs me and probably clouds my judgement in this area.

Guadalupe · 01/08/2008 23:44

We didn't ask for anything and some people got us presents, some gave nothing and some gave cash/vouchers. We were grateful to all guests.

Sadly we lost the cash/vouchers. I have no idea what happened to them in the confusion of the day and I feel REALLY guilty about it.The thought of people being kind enough to put something in an envelope ad we just lost it makes me wince.

electra · 01/08/2008 23:45

It reminds me of a thread on here ages ago. Somebody had sent this awful cheesy poem about wanting money stuck in a wedding invitation.

ExterminAitch · 01/08/2008 23:49

i don't mind giving cash so long as it's for something, ikwim? i'd prefer to contribute to a BRILLIANT holiday that the couple will remember for a lifetime than buy them some booze. likewise have no issue with sofa, new bed etc.

electra · 01/08/2008 23:52

I think that what bothers me about it is that the whole point of a wedding gift is to give something memorable which in some way represents your good wishes for the couple.....rather than just lining their pockets. Which is why I find it ok to give vouchers towards a holiday, say - a contribution towards a memorable gift.

ExterminAitch · 01/08/2008 23:54

the point of wedding gifts was to set a young couple up to the point where they could leave their parents' houses and have a home together... not so relevant now.

cat64 · 01/08/2008 23:59

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Message withdrawn

Original poster

robinpud · 02/08/2008 00:02

well, thanks for the comments. I suppose my issue with cash is that I know how much pleasure we have had from the gifts we were given. I also know how guilty I felt getting rid of the things that were vile. If the cash is going towards something that will be some how memorable then fine. Giving them money for their weekly shop or some new socks seems a bit wierd.
The thank you notes will be a bit wierd to write too won't they? Or are they out of fashion too?
The cheesy poem bit .. well yes.. it's obviosuly doing the rounds..
I'd like the money to go towards a night in a great hotel for their first anniversary, but not sure how I would specifiy that!

OP posts:

ExterminAitch · 02/08/2008 00:05

maybe just say in the card 'use it for something frivolous, treat yourselves etc'?

falcon · 02/08/2008 03:07

I side with the poster who suggested 50p.

It's unspeakably rude to ask for cash, there is no polite way of doing it.

And guests should not be asked or expected to cover all or part of the cost of a wedding.

I may desire a Lexus but if all I can afford to have is a Mondeo then that will just have to do.

If they want a wedding and are so financially strapped they should accept that they won't have the wedding of their dreams, and have a smaller guest list, cheaper meals, or a different venue.

I'm not convinced that being invited to a wedding is such a special priviledge as many bride and groomzillas seem to think, sure you may have a good night and have fun but there are many other types of parties one could attend.

You get invited to a wedding, you have to pay for new clothes, gifts, transport,parking, possibly accomodation and a babysitter.

Not such a good deal for the guests after all.

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/08/2008 09:20

I never give cash if asked on an invite. I think its rude to ask for money and assumes you will be buying them a gift. I'm not keen on wedding lists either though for the same reasons.

I much prefer to choose something myself than be told what I have to buy.

Falcon is spot on with her post.

butterflybessie · 02/08/2008 09:31

If they want Whittard china rather than Royal Doulton then all they need to do is ask for it

I stand by my post of last night, it is incredibly rude to ask for money and my donation of 50p would underline the point

Too right that if they cannot afford much then don't have a large expensive celebration, after all getting married is not about how much you can spend but is about a confirmation in the eyes of the law (and maybe God) that your union is forever.

I have heard of many on the cheap celebrations which are far happier occasions than those that have almost bankrupted everyone concerned! Why hanker after Champagne when sparkling water will do?

And no we did not spend a small fortune on our wedding, and certainly would never have considered asking our guests for any presents let alone money. Our guests decided for themselves what we would love - 90% of the pressies were lovely, the other 10% were not so lovely but we still wrote lovely thank you letter

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