No sleep over Mums - Residential trips?

[Glitterbells9]

My children only sleep at their Grandmas, and thats all I am comfortable with.

I am happy to be a no sleep over Mum.

I sleep well knowing they are with us, or My Mum.

Im seeking the opinions of like minded mums, what do you do with school residential trips?

Our school wants a 2 night 3 day trip for their first residential in Y4. He is one of the youngest still at 8 years old at time of trip.

We as a family aren't ready for that. I think it is too long, Dad agrees, my eldest doesnt sleep well potentially has adhd/autism awaiting assessment.

I think their first trip should be shorter, ease all concerned in to this residential trip stuff!

However, he may be ready next year or the year after… How do I navigate that?

How do I say no to sleep overs but yes to residentials?

Or do I stick with no sleep overs means no staying the night away from home?

With all due respects I know not everyone will share my views, and each to their own. No judgement from me if you love sleep overs, thats wonderful. However, it is not for me at these ages. (7 and 8)

My DD never went on sleepovers…..not because I didn’t want her to but because she never wanted to go. However she went on school residentials from age 9 and absolutely loved them all!

One of my kids didn't go to the residential as she is autistic and I had concerns about her struggling. There are issues around bedtime that I didn't want happening in front of her school friends. She had also started her periods so there was that to deal with too. None of the children were allowed to shower there which isn't right when some of them are old enough to have periods.
My eldest child did go to the residentials twice in year 5 and 6 and said he didn't enjoy them. I'm not there yet with my 2 youngest. I think they should be encouraged to go if you think they will benefit from it in some way but if they are really against it and you have serious concerns then I don't see the point in forcing it, particularly if they are only in year 4.

My son has never slept away from mummy and daddy and he is 10. Went on a school residential last year and was absolutely fine. No problems

We don't do sleepovers (Mine are now 15 and 13 and neither have shown any interest. I am happy to have sleepovers at mine though yet again they don't show any interest.

But residentials- yes. It's a great experience for them and the teachers are very very experienced at taking kids of that age away. It's not their first rodeo! I understand where you are coming from though- I hate residentials. My DS1 was on a Duke of Ed trip a few weeks back- just 1 night and I fretted badly (while pretending to be excited for him). But it;s important that my worries do not impact on their experiences and also they don't want to be the 'kid whose mum won't let them go anywhere'.

What does your child want? IME the school residential is big deal and something he kids look forward to for months. Are you comfortable with then being left out of all of this?

The only children in our primary school who didn't go to residentials were those with medical conditions, ie severe epilepsy where it wasn't safe for them.

In ROI? Between my own kids, numerous nieces and nephews and the many children of friends, I have never come across overnight school trips in Irish state primaries. Are your children in private school?

I was really glad that my son’s school didn’t do residentials until Y5/6. He wasn’t dry at night until well into Y4 and it would have been so embarrassing for him. Quite a few of the DC were homesick at the residential which took place at the beginning of Y6 and a couple didn’t go. I think Y4 is a bit young. I also think it’s easier for a child who is used to staying over with friends.

Do your in-laws/dad never have them overnight?

I can understand non family, but why limited to just your mum? Is mil around?

as pp have said school trips are safeguarded in a way that “sleepovers” aren’t, if that’s your concern.

In the north. It’s a very common thing.

My mum didn’t let us go on school overnight trips. I don’t know why I’ll need to ask her. It was never a big deal. We didn’t go and stayed at school with some others who didn’t. Had a fun time. High school we didn’t go either and to be honest it would have been my idea of hell.
Im socially fine now as an adult and think its unfair to shame anyone into doing it.

I don’t think my mum was anxious about us particualry. As a family we had great holidays every holiday (in the UK) and we all left home as soon as possible to begin adult life but still go back to see mum and aren’t scarred for life by not doing school trips!

so we haven’t had a school residential yet (our school only does one in y6) but our son has done 3, one night sleepovers with Beavers - he was never in any doubt that he wanted to go, which surprised us as generally he can be wary. He’s recently done a 3-night camp with Cubs too. They’ve been amazing for him, given him so much confidence & independence.

He’s audhd, like I said quite wary of new situations but has absolutely thrived. The teachers are highly trained and experienced - let him go.

You can say no to sleepovers but yes to residentials, because at residentials there will be adults known to you and your child who are DBS checked, who have experience of residentials and the trip will be risk assessed.

However you may still choose to say no if you think your child will be too distressed.

However however if you say no to this, then the next residential will be longer, and your child won't have had the experience of this shorter trip first, so they will still be at a disadvantage compared with their peers.

DD2's first residential was 4 nights PGL on the IOW in early y5. She had never done a sleep over before so we put in a 1 night at a friend first to practice. I feared she may not make it on the bus, but she did, and enjoyed the trip. In y7 she then went off to Paris for 2 or 3 nights. (DD has various SN including a kind of attachment anxiety).

It is tricky when the first school trip is relatively early and the child has potential extra needs. However it seems to be partly you not being ready rather than the DC?

Yes, but I was - pretty clearly, I think! - talking about the lack of any tradition of overnight trips in Ireland, as opposed to the UK.

I live on the island of Ireland and hold an Irish passport👍 Each to their own!

I am a no sleepovers parent. I would allow a residential trip as it’s completely different. It’s with DBS checked, trained adults who presumably already know your child well. Obviously you know your child’s needs best so only you know if he’s ready to go on one. Have you asked him how he feels about it?

It's not about how you feel, you're not the centre of the world anymore. Focus on your child's feelings.

I don't see how it's too long. It's only 2 nights. One night would be totally impractical for all concerned. You're projecting your own insecurities onto your child. Not a good idea.

Let your child go on the residential. I have worked at an outdoor activity centre for years and the kids love the residential. They will be perfectly safe and cared for by qualified experienced staff.

Good for you. If your children are in the Northern Irish education system then your response to my post was misleading and irrelevant, as you well know.

My DD (did I mention SEN?) still believes (at 20!) that once an hour lemonade comes out of the water fountains at the PGL place....

Our eldest going on his first residential age 9 yr4 was nerve wracking for us all. There were points where I didn’t know if he would go due to nerves. But it has been the absolute making of him and his confidence improved so much afterwards. He also had a brilliant time. Relax and don’t let your fears hold your son back x

I have never heard of a school residential being less than 2 nights. It would be far too much hassle for such a short time.

Are you looking for how to justify/explain this decision to your son or just generally trying to work out your reasoning?

To me, a school residential is an extremely controlled environment - it is very carefully planned, risk assessments are done, you know the people who will be there with your child (including very responsible adults who know your child very well) and you know that they are with first aid trained adults. If anything went wrong, which is extremely unlikely, you would be informed immediately and they would act decisively to help your child. All of the above cannot be said about sleepovers. This isn’t the easiest thing to explain to a child though.

I know you’ve made your minds up as parents, but as a teacher I do want to stress how safe and supported your son would be on this trip and the high chance he’ll have the best time. I know it sounds like a long time away but at some point you will need to show your son you trust him to handle these situations. This is how he’ll trust himself to take on new challenges. I’ve had confident children who do sleepovers get homesick on residentials and ‘first night away from homers’ be absolutely fine - you won’t know how your son will react until he’s given a chance to try it. And worst case scenario, you can pick him up early - the teachers will support that if your son was genuinely unhappy and struggling. If you don’t let him go, I would prepare him to feel a little left out as they’ll be all sorts of stories and anecdotes the children come back with as it’s such an enjoyable shared experience for them. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, just something to be mindful of when you’re explaining your reasoning to him.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea schools are very adept at dealing with toileting issues on residentials