No sleep over Mums - Residential trips?

[Glitterbells9]

My children only sleep at their Grandmas, and thats all I am comfortable with.

I am happy to be a no sleep over Mum.

I sleep well knowing they are with us, or My Mum.

Im seeking the opinions of like minded mums, what do you do with school residential trips?

Our school wants a 2 night 3 day trip for their first residential in Y4. He is one of the youngest still at 8 years old at time of trip.

We as a family aren't ready for that. I think it is too long, Dad agrees, my eldest doesnt sleep well potentially has adhd/autism awaiting assessment.

I think their first trip should be shorter, ease all concerned in to this residential trip stuff!

However, he may be ready next year or the year after… How do I navigate that?

How do I say no to sleep overs but yes to residentials?

Or do I stick with no sleep overs means no staying the night away from home?

With all due respects I know not everyone will share my views, and each to their own. No judgement from me if you love sleep overs, thats wonderful. However, it is not for me at these ages. (7 and 8)

OP, you are holding your child back for purely selfish reasons. Overly anxious parents create anxious kids who can’t cope in the real world. Let him go on the residential - do you really want your child to be singled out from the rest of the class? What trauma inducing event do you really think is going to occur on a school trip? My DD went on a week long class residential at 9, then a second one for a school ski trip abroad when she was 10. No regrets - despite being slightly nervous before going she had a brilliant time on each trip and her independence + confidence really grew.

You say it should be shorter but it's only 2 nights. I'd let him go, they all tend to love these residentials.

What age will you be happy for him to have sleepovers at friends/school?

You child and everyone else’s child will be extremely well cared for. Don’t let your own insecurities ruin this for your child

Have you asked your DC? What do they think about it? Is your child on the SEN register? You can approach it via the 'reasonable adjustment' route and ask the school about going for 1 night instead?

But absolutely you can say no to sleepovers and yes to residentials if you want, of course you can! They are different things. On residentials the adults supervising are familiar to your DC (usually school staff, teachers), DBS checked and first-aid trained, and the whole trip risk-assessed lock stock and barrel. They'll be a plan in place and a timetable of activities probably too. Not necessarily the case for sleepovers. Kid sleepovers - your kid knows their kid but how familiar to them are the adults?

School residentials are incredibly good for children and help to build their confidence.

There is stacks of evidence that they boost engagement in learning, academic achievement, confidence and independence, and behaviour.

Please support your child to participate in these activities. Your child will be well cared for and supported.

Be honest - most of this is about you and your DH's feelings.

The other children going on this trip would already have been eased into it by having been on sleepovers. You, and he, are now facing the consequences of your decision.

I'm a no sleepover kind of mam too, mainly because there is no one to have them 😅 but I will be allowing them to go on the school residential, most definitely x

Safe guarding will be in place at a residential in ways that it’s not a friends house.
let him go. It will be good for everyone. Worst case scenario is that he doesn’t enjoy it. But it won’t scar him for life.

You’re holding your child back from developing into an independent and confident child and adult. Checking out who they’re staying with is fine but banning sleepovers altogether could well affect friendships.

Declining residential trips due to your family rules is pretty sad - you seem fixated and rather rigid in your parenting.

What are your reasons for no sleepovers?

I don't think a sleepover at a friend's is the same as a school residential.

That said I don't think residentials at 8yo are a necessary thing for development, so if you don't want them to go don't send them.

Does your child want to go? Or would they prefer not to? You go with your gut and with what feels right for your child. For posters being judgemental… OP said they are awaiting adhd/autism assessment, this in itself creates challenges/concerns which probably differ from your own children.
Would the school require parental help on the trip? If this is the case then you might consider volunteering, this would put yours/your child’s worries at bay. They’d need to ensure you have all the right DBS checks etc.

With respect, you need to work through your problems. It’s quite normal not to do friends sleepovers so young, certainly wasn’t normal but please do allow him to do the school residential, it’s only 2 nights.

my dcs did 4 nights when they were 7&9 in May half term, loved it, then dd1 got the opportunity to go on orchestra tour that summer still 9 and she was the only under 12 (she is autistic and music is her “thing”) you have to trust the organisers

My son doesn’t do sleepovers and at 10 hasn’t done a residential. But that’s his choice. He would prefer to be home (also on autism assessment pathway)

My honest view is that I think it’s good for children to learn that rules / norms might be different in one place than another, including night time etc. Residential to me seems a safe way to do that. I understand sleepover wariness and know several other parents who feel the same.

Think about what you’re trying to achieve. Surely you want him to grow up with independence and confidence. This small step now is a great building block.

If the reasons for no sleepovers were related to your child that would be ok but youve said it's because you sleep better. That means it is your issue and you need to not hold him back because of it.

Do they do things like scouting, as they will do camps from an earlier age? Are you not happy with them either?

think their first trip should be shorter, ease all concerned in to this residential trip

but for most children by that age, it won’t be their first trip. I’m sure you have very good reasons for not allowing this, but those reasons don’t apply to most parents, who don’t want their children missing out. My dds are teenagers now, but without any exception (and we did safaris, Maldives, eurodisney etc) sleepovers were their absolute favourite thing to do. Deny your own kids that if you want, your choice, but a 2 day trip in y4 is perfectly reasonable and enjoyable for most.

Does your child want to go to the residential? Are you happy for them to be the only one from their year left at school?
I think residential are very different to sleepovers. Residentials will be ran by highly trained teachers who are all DBS checked, I see no reason to keep your child from joining in with their friends

You always worry about your children, especially when you can't see them. But it isn't about you.

My best friend in school was never allowed by her parents to go on school trips. She hated being left behind in school and everyone else returning full of tales from an experience that she had missed out on. She resents her parents for it.

Let them go on the residential. They will (hopefully) have a fantastic time, don't deny them it and fun times with their friends.

Loads of kids don't go on sleepovers...mine never stayed away from home...both went on their residential trips and had a good time. These things are risk assessed. I don't know why you wouldn't let them go.

I don’t agree with your stance but I do understand why you’d say no sleepovers as the other family even if they’re friendly are always going to be somewhat of an unknown. School residential is totally different though. Multiple DBS checked staff, safe guarding procedures, risk assessments, oversight etc. My DC’s school does a residential in Y3 and every single child out of a year group of 60 went. It’d be awful for your DC to miss out because of your anxiety. And don’t worry if he doesn’t sleep well, none of them do on those trips especially the first night- some of my DD’s friends were up until 2am apparently!

While not all nd children are the same, my dd, who was officially diagnosed at 22, after university, massively benefited from sleepovers - both with friends and family- and school residentials. In fact I would go so far as to say she likely benefited from more than most kids. She came home with much greater confidence and enjoyed herself fully.

I’m really surprised that most kids of 8 would be having regular, non-family sleepovers. I’m in Ireland and I think the attitude here to things like this is slightly different - there are no residential trips at primary school stage, and sleepovers (outside of cousins and grandparents) tend to start much later. Although we haven’t set a firm rule about it, several of DD(11)’s friends’ parents have a ‘no sleepovers before 12’ rule.

That said, OP, I think it’s absolutely fine to have different rules for a school residential than for a sleepover with friends - they’re very different scenarios, with different levels of risk.

We don't do sleepovers but I'm very happy for my dcs to do residentials, with school or certain organisations where all adults are CRB checked and there are legal requirements eg for fire safety and food hygiene. For me sleepovers in a private house are very different to an organised residential and I don't have the same concerns.

DD's first residential was in Year 3 for one night, then in Year 4 it was 2 nights. There was no issue with those and she loved it. I think she would have been fine doing 2 nights even without having done the 1 night. They have activities the whole time and we had done some family trips in activity centres before so she was used to the format, and confident doing some of the activities.

If there is time, you could consider doing a similar trip as a family to familiarise your DS (either to the same venue used by the school, if they do family breaks, or a similar activity centre like PGL or YHA).

Personally I never went on sleepovers as a child and my school only did a 5 night residential in Year 6, and I had no problems with that. It was always the norm back then just to do a longer residential only for Year 6s, not younger years.

I’m in Ireland and my DD went on residential school trips (one to an outdoor education centre, the other skiing in Italy) at both age 9 and 10. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do nowadays.

We didn’t do sleepovers until DD was 11 but that’s only because she was quite a shy child and didn’t fancy them at the time. Quickly grew to love them and it became a weekly occurrence 🙈