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Original poster

am i awful for spending time without my son

22 replies

happydays · 04/01/2003 16:51

I have a great family, my DS is the only grandchild and both sets of grandparents love having my son, usually 1/2 nights a week he is away. i do miss him when he is away, but knows he loves it at his grandparents. a so called friend thinks this is awful and thinks a child should be with his parents. I don't always go out, but it gives my DH and me quality time together. Am i wrong to allow him to spend time away, i don't work so i am with him all day.

OP posts:

ScummyMummy · 04/01/2003 16:56

No, no, no and no again. He loves it, you get some time to yourself- where is the problem? Your friend is probably jealous- I am!

Jane101 · 04/01/2003 16:57

Happydays, if you're a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mum - another abbreviation for your collection) then you must be spending plenty of time with your son. If he didn't want to stay at his grandparents' houses, that might be a problem. But you say that he loves staying with them so I don't see how it can possibly be wrong.

WideWebWitch · 04/01/2003 17:04

No! Absolutely not! Enjoy it, you deserve it and so does your ds and his grandparents. If it makes you feel better my ds spends every other weekend with his father and my ex mil and has a lovely time. He's there now and sometimes spends a week at a time there in the holidays. Bet so called friend is just jealous

Original poster

happydays · 04/01/2003 17:07

yeah thanks your not wrong, she has 2 kids and struggles for a sitter, let alone an overnight one.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 04/01/2003 17:59

I'm jealous too!! If I could find someone to take my boys for even 1/2 nights a month I'd be skipping for joy!!

Marina · 04/01/2003 19:00

Me too, SoupDragon! Happydays, if he's content and so are you, then don't feel at all guilty. Enjoy the peace and quiet...

KMG · 04/01/2003 19:59

Make the most of it happydays. We have always lived a long way from grandparents, but ds1 was first grandchild, and first went to stay with them (without us)when he was 1, and since then has been to stay regularly, latterly with his brother. (They are now 3.5 and 5.5). They were there for a fortnight this summer whilst we moved house. We love having the break, grandparents love having them, and the boys love it too.

My dad was suddenly taken very seriously ill two months ago, and it is unlikely the boys will ever be able to visit on their own again. So, as I say, make the most of it.

breeze · 04/01/2003 21:02

my parents have my son usually one night a week, it allows DH and myself quality time together, which is nice. Do not worry enjoy it.

sb34 · 05/01/2003 01:33

Message withdrawn

Tinker · 05/01/2003 19:25

No, no, no, this sounds wonderful, don't worry about it at all! I used to work with a bloke who used to boast about the fact that he'd never spent a night away from 'his girls' since they had been born - about 2 and 4 at the time. Frankly, I always wondered what was wrong with him, who was this to please?

breeze · 05/01/2003 19:31

i must admit i am surrounded by friends who are not as lucky as i am i suppose and i did feel guilty, but not anymore thanks

Temptress · 05/01/2003 20:22

I think its good for your son and the grandparents. Its great that they have such a good relationship and that he feels so comfortable staying.

PamT · 05/01/2003 21:53

Would they take my three do you think? DS1 stayed at my mum's house once and then DS2 and DD came along and she won't have the three of them to stay (not even singly or they would argue and fight), so I have never had a child free night in the last 7 years - the nearest I came was when I had to stay in the maternity unit overnight before DS2 arrived!

Happydays, as long as your son knows that he is loved and wanted by everyone concerned I don't see a problem.

Furball · 06/01/2003 11:10

I'd say not at all, I'm with my DS (16 months) constantly, and I am thinking of putting him into nursey for 1/2 a day just so he knows that Mummy doesn't necessarily have to be there to have a good time.

I think it's really healthy that he enjoys time without you and his Grandparents obviously love having him. If you're with him all day whats the problem? could you friend be a little jealous that you are lucky enough to be in this situation?

PS. I'm off for a long weekend with girlfriends in a couple of months - leaving Dh and ds home alone. Is that selfish? I think I blooming deserve it!

breeze · 06/01/2003 12:01

furball, not selfish at all, you enjoy yourself with the girls, i only hope that you have a good dh and won't worry wether he is doing it all right.

Lindy · 06/01/2003 17:44

Furball - definately go for the nursery idea, I am also a SAHM but my DS goes to a childminder one morning a week and to a creche at our local sports centre whilst I do aerobics or swim. it is essential to have time to 'do your own thing'.

Happydays - I too have a friend like yours - she has never left her children for more than one night - they are now at secondary school ..... scary thought isn't it! IMO it is essential to bring up happy, independant children and that means learning to get along with other people & not just be with mum & dad the whole time, what happens if we get run over by a bus ..................?

SoupDragon · 06/01/2003 17:47

Furball, I'm a SAHM and DS1 goes to a nursery 2 days a week. DS2 is due to start tomorrow. It gives them time away from me to socialise, make new friends, do things I won't let them (painting!) and gives me a break from them.

Giovanna1 · 06/01/2003 18:13

Happydays, how wonderful for him to have such a close relationship with his extended family! And I would think that it helps you and DH have a healthy relationship. My DD stays at DP's mother's home occasionally - she is a very generous and loving woman, and I am very happy that she wants a todder around! And she lives right around the corner, which is very convenient.

Furball, the weekend sounds great. I am working on convincing some of my girlfriends (all mothers, too) to go to London for a long weekend in the spring or the fall. Leave the men and the children behind! We are all in a book club together, and I was very pleasantly surprised when I brought it up at our last get together - they all wanted in! Fares from NY to London can be really good - I must remember to check them out soon!

kkgirl · 06/01/2003 18:32

Fair comment Lindy, but some of us are not able to leave our children with anyone. I have three very boisterous kids, two boys and a girl, my parents are unable to have them even for a few hours, my dad is so confused some days he can't even be responsible for himself, and it would be too stressful for my mum to have them for any length of time. My FIL is seriously ill in hospital, my brothers' wife has a personality problem so I have not seen him for a couple of years, and my dhs' family live 30 miles away.
Eldest DS went on a sleepover on Saturday, and it was bliss, the other two were good as gold and we actually had a couple of hours together.
I would love the opportunity to palm them off for a few hours even but what can you do if there isn't the opportunity. It doesn't necessarily mean that they will grow up unhappy and badly adjusted does it?

Lindy · 06/01/2003 19:38

kkgirl - sorry if my message read the wrong way, I do appreciate that I probably have it very 'easy' with just one child (20 months) - I do see what you mean, although I too have no family locally. Have you any friends you can 'swap' all the children with - I occasionally have my neighbours four children for a sleepover (very boisterous compared to my one!!) and do the same with another friend who has just two.

The particular friend I referred to does have lots of opportunities to leave her children, so she obviously just doesn't want to - which is obviously her right, I just find it odd - however, I'm sure she thinks I'm odd to leave my child!

kkgirl · 06/01/2003 21:48

Lindy

No your message didn't read the wrong way, its just that some people are lucky enough to have family/friends to support them and other people have no choice but to be with their children 24/7.
Also I'm not trying to be unkind but the logistics of managing one child are a lot different to three. Most people I know would have my little girl but the prospect of two boisterous boys, no way.
As I said I am jealous because we do have them all the time and it is hard work, but I don't necessarily think it will harm them, they are all very independent and never have been clingy so we will see what happens when they are older

Caroline5 · 06/01/2003 22:27

Happydays, I think it's great the grandparents want to spend so much time with your ds and that he loves it there. As others say, make the most of it!! My parents just don't feel physically up to babysitting for an hour, let alone for a night and in fact have never babysat once! My MIL is in her late 70's, and doesn't really feel up to it either, although she says she would love to do it if younger. We have no local siblings (they live in Australia, America and 1.5 hours away respectively!) So we're a bit stuffed!

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