Has anyone done a boudoir shoot?

[Ellacharlton]

Hiya
recently divorced 37 year old trying to find confidence in my appearance again. One of my friends suggested doing a boudoir shoot. Has anyone done one and what was the experience like and is there any tips.
I googled a bit and have picked out some lingerie that will help me feel sexy and I'm going to bite the bullet and wax my hooha. (apparently everyone does that, I must have missed the memo). Only 2 people in my adult life have seen me nude so that's a bit daunting but I'm ready to embrace the experience. But any tips or if someone could outline the experience that would be appreciated x

Isn't that just depressing though? Knowing you will never look like that again?

I agree with previous posters. It's super cringeworthy doing 'boudoir shoots.' Some posters are saying it's mean and spiteful and unkind to say this, but people are entitled to their opinion. I have someone on Facebook - a neighbour 3 streets away - who did one of these for her husband, for his 50th birthday last year (she was 44,) and I felt so embarrassed for her.

She got all the 'OMG hun U luk sooo amayyyyzing' comments from a few of of mates on there, but to be honest, out of 300 'friends' she has on there, only about 10 have made any comments. Some people have actually taken the piss out of her behind her back.

@Ellacharlton Knock yourself out and get it done if you think it will boost your self esteem, and your confidence. I would rather jump into a boiling hot vat of chip oil, than do a boudoir shoot! I really don't think it's 'empowering' though. It's really cringe. 😖 If you do it, please don't put the photos on Facebook. From what I know about people who have done this, (and I know a couple who did it too,) they became a laughing stock.

@Riverswims · Yesterday 08:46

No I would not do it - coz I'm not some cringe lady in the 90s wanting to loll around in silk and hang a soft focus picture in my house PMSL.

And really what's the point? it wouldn't give me any confidence coz Id know I only look like that with a lot of work and posing and there is no partner- also if they need a heavily posed pic to fancy you that's not a good thing! as for acting sexy in front of a photographer??? nope 👎🏽

Exactly this. ^ They make you look nothing like your actual real self. They pile make up on you, and photoshop you to the ends of the earth. I remember seeing a documentary once, (Around 7 years ago,) and this woman - around 45 - had one done for her husband, for their 20th wedding anniversary.

She was quite overweight (around size 18 and around 14 stone, and 5 ft 2 in height.) She lay on her back with her legs apart (classy!) and the photos were taken from the side. (She was looking upwards, and kind of trying to arch her back.) The photos were styled to look shadowy and hide parts of her, and they were hugely photoshopped. They made her look about 3-4 stone/3 dress sizes smaller. She said to her husband 'well? What do you think of your sexy wife darling?'

He looked baffled. He looked at the photos, and then at her, and then at the photos, and then at her, and then he started giggling a bit. He said 'this is you? Really?' 😄 She said 'of course it is! Aren't I sexy?' It was written all over his face that he was thinking the same as the viewers. This was not his wife. In real life, she was a short, chubby 45 year old, and they had altered her images so much that she was unrecognisable from her real self. I felt so embarrassed for her.

Just someone who actually has and follows a contract with their clients 🤷‍♀️

I understand if they're posted online there's no control over where they get shared but prints and albums for you to look at privately shouldn't ever be an issue if you go to someone decent. Uncle Bob with a camera he got for Xmas for £25 a shoot, yes you might have more of a problem.

Some of us are actually good at posing and lighting our clients so they look good without Photoshop and recognise themselves in their photos.

(Not a dig at you specifically, but I am very tired of people assuming photographers are needlessly expensive and all boudoir photographers are seedy.)

It's not really something I would do because I just have never thought about it. But I can imagine someone out of a horrible relationship where she was repeatedly told she was ugly and no one else would want her, gaining back her self esteem by seeing herself looking good and feminine and sexy.

Could she have therapy instead? Yeah. But that doesn't mean the photo option is wrong or bad. People do what they want to regain their autonomy and if it is seeing themselves looking like they have been told they couldn't look like them who am I to criticise their approach?

The photos here look nice

www.google.com/amp/s/www.wonderlandboudoir.com/blog/los-angeles-boudoir-why-women-do-boudoir-sessions%3fformat=amp

"good photographers - amateur, professional and anyone in between - should understand the very private nature of these photos and not share them without your explicit consent"

Oh dear.

It reminds me of something Alison Steadman would come out with in Abbigails's Party.

No, they were separate shoots. 1) pre-wedding, some unexpectedly more risque and 2) maternity nude, which many people do. And where did i say “very” risque? If you’re going to quote people, please do it correctly.

I’m a photographer and I specialise in female empowerment photoshoots. There is NOTHING more empowering than stepping out of your comfort zone for a shoot, and doing it just for you! I just love seeing women who come to me under-confident, and completely unaware of how amazing they are, to growing confidence through the shoot and embracing their inner and outer beauty!

An empowerment shoot doesn’t have to be nude, or in lingerie, it can be more of a portrait style shoot fully clothed if that’s what you would prefer! The term boudoir often has lots of negative and outdated connotations associated with it and I can see that @Towandatowanda holds some of those very judgemental and negative opinions of women who choose to express themselves through an empowerment shoot.

And to answer your question on process, from a photographer.

Firstly, a discussion on what sort of shoot the client wants, including time, location, vibe. Then, a contract! There seems to be a lot of fear here about images being shared online without consent and that absolutely 100% SHOULD NOT happen, and a good photographer should give you the choice of whether you wish images to be shared on the photographers portfolio, and no absolutely means no and should be respected. And consent to share images can be withdrawn at any time and should also be respected. But it is important to remember that once an image is online, you lose control of that image even as the subject or the original creator.

personally, I always send a guide to my clients giving an outline of how many outfits, what sort of outfits will work well depending on the location chosen, what ‘preparation’ you can do (and that absolutely does not include dieting or avoiding certain food groups, or not eating on the day) amongst other things.

on the day of the shoot, the client just turns up and has an absolute blast! I will help choose outfits from the selection based on what the client feels amazing in, and based on my experience as a photographer. You should never have to worry about how to pose, most of my sessions are spend rolling around on the floor, leaning up against walls, just demonstrating poses, and if something doesn’t feel good for the client, or they aren’t comfortable, we just move on to something else instead!

so from my opinion, as a photographer AND as someone who has done many a photoshoot myself as a client, do the photoshoot!

"There seems to be a lot of fear here about images being shared online without consent and that absolutely 100% SHOULD NOT happen, and a good photographer should give you the choice of whether you wish images to be shared on the photographers portfolio, and no absolutely means no and should be respected. And consent to share images can be withdrawn at any time and should also be respected."

Lots of "should" and "can" here but read the t&cs of many that push this type of shoot and it's very clear that no means nothing.

I understand what you’re saying, but if you’re reading t&cs and don’t agree to them then you shouldn’t be signing to them, or having a discussion with the photographer to amend them before signing. It’s a legal contract! These shoots are about informed consent, I don’t really know what else to tell you, as you’ve also clearly skipped over everything else I’ve said about these sort of photoshoots 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m sorry that you either haven’t been able to experience how empowering one of these shoots can be, or have had a bad experience in the past, I truly am.

"I understand what you’re saying, but if you’re reading t&cs and don’t agree to them then you shouldn’t be signing to them, or having a discussion with the photographer to amend them before signing. It’s a legal contract! These shoots are about informed consent, I don’t really know what else to tell you, as you’ve also clearly skipped over everything else I’ve said about these sort of photoshoots 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m sorry that you either haven’t been able to experience how empowering one of these shoots can be, or have had a bad experience in the past, I truly am."

🤣 I'm sorry that you haven't been able to read my posts properly, I truly am. Mate, I don't need "empowering" thanks.

Pretty pissed off that my friend and other vulnerable women are regularly manipulated into thinking this will be "empowering" though and walking into something without reading any t&cs until it's too late.

You might be a decent photographer but the ones pushing this kind of thing with fake "competitions" and dodgy sales tactics are not.

You’re welcome to your opinion, and im glad you feel confident and empowered in yourself already ‘mate’ 💜

but please don’t dump on people who want to do these kind of shoots. Everyone has the choice either way, and whilst I completely agree that there are many manipulative people out there, like I said, it’s about informed consent, and people should always always be getting a written contract in place no matter what kind of photoshoot you are doing!

"but please don’t dump on people who want to do these kind of shoots. Everyone has the choice either way, and whilst I completely agree that there are many manipulative people out there, like I said, it’s about informed consent, and people should always always be getting a written contract in place no matter what kind of photoshoot you are doing!"

Please show me where I've "dumped on" anyone doing the photoshoot except the manipulative photographers setting up women at vulnerable moments to part with stupid amounts of cash?

In fact it's you with your idealistic view of how this "should" work criticising them for not getting an appropriate contract in place.

Women recently divorced, or feeling they need to be "empowered" are generally vulnerable and potentially not thinking straight. That's where these grubby sharks wait to circle. If you think these women are in any fit state to demand exacting contracts then you're deluded.

Some other ways to feel empowered:

Travel alone
Read some great literature
Learn a language

Do something that no one can take from you. Looks fade and then what will you be left with?