Should I he go to the wedding alone… so disrespected

[Ladieunlucky]

Hi all,

Just the back story. Myself and my partner are part of a large couples group. Around Xmas we visited Paris for our anniversary and unbeknown to one of the couples (recently engaged) we was visiting the hotel she wished to go to for her hen do. This was spoke about over a group dinner and didn’t think there were issues, or so it seamt at the time. During our Paris visit I sent photos of our trip, hotel to the girlfriend group (with person in, let’s call her Jess). I was returned with silence and snidy comments such as ‘oh what a coincidence’ ect. I still hadn’t clicked on there was a issue as my trip had been booked way before the couple had even got engaged.

Fast forward and I’m met with funniness from the whole group, to which I ask Jess if she’s okay and does she want to talk. She proceeds to say no, not all at and I know exactly what id done. My OH was also baffled as her finance is his best friend and couldn’t see a issue. Jess and I unfortunately went on to have a argument and wrip me apart. Saying from day one she had issues with me, I had no morals and integrity and throught it was wrong I had sent photos of hotel she wanted to go too. I replied to her that (and this’s was the case) I had never meant harm, was unaware and that if she had issues for all these years why hadn’t she said. Jess and I had spent many times doing things as a 4, she repeatly said how close we were and always made plans. I was baffled and we left the argument as we would stay amiable for our OHs. No contact since, and the whole girl group now does not talk to me bar 1/2. This has deeply upset me, and during Xmas I was excluded from couple plans and was left alone Xmas eve as I encouraged my OH to see his friends.

Now today 7 months on.. OH has received a solo invite to their wedding next year. He’s been put in a group with his single friends. But he’s not single. I don’t not have a invite. He told me out of respect and has not yet replied but mentioned he may go for the day. This wedding is around 5 hours away. This is the 2nd celebration I’ve been excluded from this year that’s he’s attended alone. I told him I thought he needed to at least mention my lack of invite. And this was child’s play and unless something is said I’d be forever excluded. Which I can’t take! My OH has backed me and tried to be supportive and his friends still included him.

What should I do and what would you expect your OH to do. I want to be fair to him. Thanks

Are you married to your partner?

Sorry, respectfully I'm a bit confused. So you and partner go on holiday to a hotel in Paris; then every cuts you off because the newly engaged bride was pissed off you had gone to that hotel because she wanted to go to that hotel for her hen (when at the time you travelled there she wasn't engaged yet?).

@AnneKipankitoo no not married. Together for 3 years and live together. No other couples going are married yet x

@showmethegin she was engaged before our trip but had not told anyone about her plans of her hens dou to Paris until I mentioned it.

she was upset and openly told the group so unfortunately they feel sorry for her; and have voiced this. X

This is literally the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. She sounds like a complete tool. You’re better off out of this group form the sounds of it.

@MindatWork i feel better out of it but honestly it’s hurtful. And not sure if OH will go alone but that speak volumes for me if he does no?

Could you find the email confirmation with time stamp of when you booked the hotel so you could send to them to clear your name! Although it sounds like the woman wanted to find a reason to have a problem with you!

It's quite unfair that you have got the blame for booking a hotel that someone else wanted to go to. Funny how your partner gets no blame for this!

I think you need to tell your partner he can't go if you are excluded.

@ObsidianTree yes sorry I forgot to add u sent her to email with the date 1 month before out conversation! Wont he think I’m controlling if I do?

I would expect him to talk to the male half of the couple so he could sort out his partnerand unless the invitation was then for you both for him to show loyalty and decline. Ridiculous over reaction on the part of the bride to be

Just to check I’ve understood - you went to Paris with your partner, stayed in a hotel which it transpired Jess had wanted to stay in during her hen do, and now she’s not speaking to you and has but you out of the guest list for her wedding?

If so she’s utterly bonkers and I understand why you’re feeling the way you do. Your DP is in a very awkward position though , he wants to be at his best friend’s wedding which is understandable so I think it’s reasonable for him to go for him. You’ve dodged a bullet by the sounds of it, Jess sounds like a horror.

I think he needs to stick up for you. He knows you did nothing wrong, so he should make it clear to his friend that if you're not welcome, hes not going.

I feel like there must be more to it. What else did Jess say during your conversation?

Were they originally your partner's friends? Or did you meet them since you got together?

I understand why it’s hurtful, it sounds like a whole load of drama over nothing - your boyfriend really needs to say something or at least raise it, otherwise it’s setting a precedent that you’re going to be left out of other things going forward. Also Id not be happy with him continuing to socialise with people who were ignoring me for no good reason (unless there’s some other backstory here).

She really sounds insane - I also can’t imagine having a hotel in another country I’m so obsessed with for my hen do that I’d behave like a child if someone else went there before me.

Also, anyone who talks about ‘having no morals’ over this is literally unhinged.

Jess does not like you. Why ?

There must be something more to this. Underlying jealousy or differences in lifestyles. You went to a hotel in Paris for an anniversary, which might be considered extravagant since you aren't married. Your friend really wanted to go to this hotel for her hen celebration and perhaps could only afford to go as a group? People don't cut someone they like out of their life because they went to a hotel first. What where the actual circumstances?

I would dump your boyfriend for not standing up for you. The situation is basically this: he has his friends and you had his friends. Now you are not included. So if you stay with him he will continue to depend on his best friend and the queen b who hates you for sll important vacations and friendships. You will be excluded going forward.

He could settle this by telling his best friend, the groom, that you are a package deal. But he won’t. How can you stay with someone like that? If you were married would he be taking family money to vacation with these people, buy them gifts,, etc…? Then you will be paying for your own humiliation.

Have you tried talking to other friends in this group to see why they've cut you out?

She must be alleging that you did more than stay in a hotel she wanted to go to for her hen, because if that's all she's said surely they'd tell her to cop on? It's just a ridiculous thing to fall put over.

I don't think your partner shouldn't go to the wedding - how can he celebrate his friend marrying someone so awful, who's excluded you from your group of friends?

I feel like there's more of a back story. If there isn't, I think your DP needs to say "no I won't attend, your fiance is playing mean girls and I'm not going to support it". I'm normally on the side of couples sucking it up and agreeing one will go to an event but this seems particularly bitchy.

Oh God honestly, this is ludicrous. It sounds like a liberation to be free of these people. It's true I'm often shocked at attitudes to modern weddings, which seem to be regarded as free passes to behave appallingly, but this is just dumb.

I would leave them to it and find nicer people to spend time with. I'd be kind to your OH, let him go if he wants to, who cares, everyone has friends their partner is positively pleased not to spend time with.

Tell him he can't go? She isn't his mum! He needs to make the choice; if he feels any loyalty to his partner, and if the grounds for OP's exclusion are as ridiculous as it sounds, then it should be an easy decision for him. She shouldn't have to force him to do the right thing.

Ok my wording isn't great.

He shouldn't want to go without his partner

Sorry @ObsidianTree I jumped on you unfairly there.

You oh also went to the hotel? So why isn't she mad at him? Jess sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to push you out, I suspect she was dripping poison before this. Your oh should be taking your side though and declining.

I am a man (FWIW), and in this situation, I would decline the invitation as my longstanding partner has been excluded. Especially as the reason seems particularly petty.

I would not be having any conversations in order to get an invite extended as that time has passed, and they can all go swivel.