27 and berated for not driving?

[Doglover321]

Hi guys! I’m 27 and don’t drive. I have never taken lessons, mostly because I could never afford them (I was a Uni student for a long time!), but also because I’ve always lived very near a train station/have always been very happy to use public transport. I don’t demand lifts or anything. However, my mum keeps berating me for not driving despite me saying I’m not ready (I’m now very nervous having left it so long!) and I still can’t afford lessons. I’m actually unemployed until my DBS comes back and she’s not willing to pay for even one lesson. She could pay for lessons (she’s a very high earner!), but has said no because her parents didn’t pay for her lessons and she feels resentful, yet she just won’t stop berating me for not having taken lessons.

Any others who don’t drive yet? Any thoughts? I just feel like it should be personal choice, not something you’re made to feel bad about.

I had lessons when I was about your age. I hated every single second of them. It was a relief for me, and probably my instructor when I gave up.

This is what I worry will be the case for me! I don’t even do fairground rides! Are you still a non-driver now?

Oh god. This is the worst place to ask about this. For some reason Mumsnet loses it's collective shit about non drivers.

Oh no, we’re not liked? Oops!!

I do have a law degree and used to work 5 days a week, 9 hours a day so not lazy by any means! 🤣

I don’t drive for the simple reason is that I think there are too many cars on the roads. I use public transport which has been difficult at times but I don’t regret my decision.

I failed many driving tests in my early 20s and gave up due to cost. Then at 30 I learned to drive in central London and passed at first attempt, don’t write yourself off. Sometimes it takes time, sometimes we just need to mature or have a different instructor. Good luck

Yes I'm still a non driver, it's never going to change.

I agree. Get your post deleted before you're dragged down for being a leech on the face of decent, hardworking families, always on the take and clearly mentally, developmentally and emotionally deficient.

Occasionally, there will be a begrudging 'well, I didn't mean the disabled, obviously' - but poor? You're fair game for them.

It's fine. When you can afford it, it's handy to take lessons and great if you do pass. But it's not something to be ashamed of.

It might also be worth mentioning that I do have a rare eye conditioning and don’t even know if I’m eligible yet! Have applied for provisional licence and been sent lengthy questionnaire in post in response!

I'm 33 and don't drive. I need to learn because i have two kids and no longer live in London. But if i did still live in London i'm not sure i'd bother as the public transport there beats driving for the most part. DH will do the big shops

That won’t help, even posters who have explained they can no longer legally drive due to epilepsy get hard of thinking people popping up to tell them they ought to learn to drive

I was 29 when I finally learned to drive. Prior to that I'd been a student in a major city or lived in London so there was no reason to learn. However once I left London it became necessary and opened up a world of new possibilities for me.

It's of course entirely your choice of course but my life would be considerably harder if I'd not done it.

I learned about your age. No one in my family drove and I always lived in places I could walk/ public transport where I needed to go. I found it very difficult at first, and had a lot of lessons and practice with my now DH, but now I LOVE driving! And think I’m a good driver. It’s probably a bit lame, but it did make me feel like a proper grown up once I could drive. That’s not me judging anyone who doesn’t, I think it’s just when I was a kid I felt my family was a bit weird/childish in the eyes of others because they didn’t drive.

I don’t drive and have no plans to change that. I had a handful of lessons and it just wasn’t for me. I’m lucky enough to live somewhere with fantastic public transport so I don’t rely on anyone to provide lifts.

For me, it would just be another thing to stress about and fork out money for - petrol, insurance, road tax, MOTs, etc. The older I get the more I crave a simple life and I couldn’t care less if people judge.

Yup, same here!! No clue how I’d afford it!!!

I'm doing lessons now at 41 as I've never needed to drive until now. I'm not loving the lessons but I think I'll enjoy driving when I pass.

I just don’t think she should be berating me for not having learnt yet, while saying she won’t be helping out at all because of her own childhood

I don't understand parents who seem to revel in their children's perceived shortcomings.

I taught my DC to drive as soon as they were 17 and they passed at 17 and a half. It cost under £500 all in including test fees as I insured them on my car.

Will your Mum help at all or does she just love berating you?

She won’t even pay for one lesson. She is a high earner and says she can afford to, but that she just doesn’t want to because her parents didn’t pay for lessons for her

Yes, I was exactly the same. Wait until you're ready. Why is your mum so keen for you to drive?

You're fine! I suspect driving will be less common for younger people in future - embrace your uncomplicated life.

She said one of the reasons is so ‘if she gets sick again’ I’ll be able to take her to the hospital (she’s been cancer-free for just over a year)

She thinks I should have made an effort to learn to drive as soon as she got her diagnosis, even though I couldn’t afford to back then either really and she had just taken out a credit card in my name a few months prior to diagnosis 😳

I'm 30 next month and don't drive - I could never afford it and still probably couldn't, people do judge and make comments but, zero fucks given here.
😅 don't worry! It's never too late to learn. X