Will hopefully speak to you all soon(ish)............and sorry.....

[FAQ]

I've realised that I've spent the last few weeks (especially the last week) just moaning. You've all given me lovely, kind, helpful advice and support, but I'm just not ready to act on it.

I need to deal with this on my own so won't be around until I've kicked myself into gear.

I'm sorry for wasting all your time trying to help and encourage me, but, well I'm reading it, understanding and knowing what you're saying is right, but I just can't do anything about it right now.

Hopefully will be back soon once I've given myself a kick up the arse and got myself sorted

Try to invent a different, positive voice, however silly it seems to you (and it will). Your post of 09:35:57 is full of really classic negative thought patterns. That's not you talking, if you like, it's recent events (understandably) overwhelming you. IMO you'd be best off with as wide a support network as possible, especially one like MN that won't allow you to wallow.

well you posted on a thread about buying economical foods and stuff..something about tightening belts with cheap toilet rolls was the thread

and you definitely posted on it with lots of good ideas

but it's not just recent events talking, I've been feeling low before we even talked about splitting up, I've always had the problem of (mostly) not knowing when to stop when drinking, it's just now turned into needing drink just to get through the day.

I was a crap wife, and I'm a crap mum and I deserve everything I get coming to me.

I think you need to see your GP, FAQ.

The last sentence of your last post is another very typical negative thought. There are people all over the place, struggling with depression or difficult life situations, thinking very similar things, and of course they're not crap and don't deserve awful things. It is the same for you. You do sound as if you are in a place where we can all reassure you you're not crap and you're very valued here but it won't make much of an impact.

FAQ don't leave - this is the time when you need as much support as possible.
Even though I'm a relative newbie I feel sure I am right in saying that no one on MN would want you to dissappear or feel resentful that you are not in a place at the moment to be able to put into practice any advice you are offered. Please stay and use the support of mn however you feel you can.

"What's the good of you being there for me if I can't take your advice??"

for support, QoQ, that's why. we just want you to get through this horrible bit and then get through the next bit and the bit after that.

please, if you're thinking bad thoughts about yourself, do think about speaking to someone else, be it the Sams (can you email them now? i think maybe you can) or your GP or if none of the above, don't stop talking to us. you're a nice woman, Queenie, a good and funny and warm woman, we like you and we want to be there for you (whether you want us there or not. ). please think about getting some help for this horrible bit, you must be in a lot of pain right now, i don't envy you. i hope someone can help you and you'll accept it.

it's not like I'm the first person to split with their H, and I certainly wasn't in such an awful marriage as many MN'ers have sadly been in.

Yes I'm thinking bad thoughts, but I won't, and couldn't, do anything, I couldn't do that to the boys.........though I can drink myself stupid and shout at them all day

its the only time its happened to you tho

it is shite

we all take things differently

you can be quite stubborn faq

you need to try and get that bolshy streak and direct it into a place where it can be of use to you now

Oh God FAQ, I wasn't saying other people have it worse, I was trying to say you're not alone - if all these people think these things about themselves, they can't possibly be true for all these people, iyswim?

You do need (and deserve) some help, love. It's not only suicidal people who need help - and you don't have to be suicidal to talk to the Samaritans. Struggling alone now will tire and overwhelm you even more. You can and will get through this.

'you need to try and get that bolshy streak and direct it into a place where it can be of use to you now'

Zippi - brilliant. Listen to Zippi, FAQ

I think it may well be the fact that it wasn't a "such an awful marriage as many MN'ers have sadly been in" that in some ways is harder. If he had hit you or the DCs you could direct your anger. At the moment you are directing it all internally which is partly what depression is. The rest of your depression is grieving for what might have been. It's all a normal part of what should be happening now really.

Keep posting - moan all you like - it will help you get it all straight in your head.

I really wish you would go to the doctor though. Please think about it?

it was bolshiness that got me through being dumped

well i was lucky cos at the time i wasn't drinking so exdp and exh both assumed i would kill myself/drink loads/be sectioned

so stubborn streak meant i didn't want to fulfill their expectations

i turned to a different obsession instead which was exercise myself to death

you know the only thing which is stopping me doing anything stupid is the boys, if they weren't here....well I probably would

FAQ - this is all part of it. If the problem is the drinking then you could if nothing else be posting on the dependent drinkers thread - people there can help you. Dont go. I for one would miss you. This place is big enough to shoulder anything you can chuck at it and there is no reason to think for one minute that its better dealt with alone.

FAQ, please stick around and don't feel that you are moaning, you need help and support that you will find here, at some point you will feel able to act on advice but maybe that time is not now for you.

FAQ "ha ha - who have I ever helped out with advice, no-one it's all me, me, me "

When you get through this, and get through it you will, you'll be the kind of person thats needed here to hand out advice for years to come. You're in no place to do anything but help yourself atm.

Sorry to intrude, but I just couldn't not post.

FAQ, my parents divorced when I was 10 and I fully remember my MOm's despair. She was devastated and felt such a failure, but it wasn't the end of her life, merely the beginning of a new phase. She thought she could never be happy again, was suicidal (she did try to take an overdose but her friend stopped her)she used to cry all day. Now you could never in a million imagine my parents together, they are so much happier apart and have happy and fulfilled lives.

Look after yourself and your boys and in time you will feel better and more hopeful for your future.

Good luck and take care

you are totally right when you say no one but you can get you through this

but it doesnt mean you have to be by yourself

i know thats how you feel

but people dont get fed up with you especially not on mn because if we do then we can walk away

real life friends do get fed up and you do lose them when you are down

all the cliches are true too

time does help

you can get past this

when you break up and you dont know why or it happens unexpectedly it is partly the lack of control that makes it so bad.....you need to try and find things in your life you can get in control of and claw back from there

where've yer gone FAQ??!!! hmmm hmmm? I'll set dizzy on you. Then you'll be in trouble

zippi - I have still have (one or two) RL friends, because they don't know how I'm feeling......if they did then you're probably right I'd lose them too.

why do you want to go? seriously - if nothing else, its not doing any harm and it could help (probably will). What makes you think its a good idea?

because you're all spending time trying to "help" me, when you could be doing other things - I'm not worth it.