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Original poster

Party Wars - the politics of children's birthdays; what do you think of this?

100 replies

handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 09:53

OK slightly ironic title.

Here is the scenario. I arrange a birthday party for my soon to be 4 year old. I opt for a hosted all inclusive play including soft play and organised activities / parachute games with local children's soft gym equipment company...(, they do everything, I won't have to lift a finger). They come to your local village hall and do the whole thing.

Another mum from Pre-School and School approaches me and says "Do you know you've arranged your son's birthday party on the day of my dd's birthday"

I reply: "Oh I didn't realise your dd had her birthday then"

She then asks when my son's birthday is and I indicate that it is 2 days after his party, on a Tuesday in the school holidays. She than repeats "But his party is on the DAY of my dd's actual birthday"...and I reply that I had to opt for a weekend date because although my son's birthday is in the school holidays this still precludes a week day party imo because of the older/ younger sibling issue for one thing (i.e. dads not at home on week days to look after other children not attending party)

This conversation is all rather civil and I make the offer of her coming in on my son's party and doing a joint one with us. I offer to forward the party details by email to her to see if she is interested in joining forces.

See her outside school today. Go and tell her that I have sent her an email (in case she doesn't check her inbox often) and she tells me that she has plans afoot to book precisely the same all inclusive party with the same company that I have arranged for my ds, for her dd 4 days prior to his party. This rather takes the lustre off things for my son - he will be attending her dd's party and then his own which will be identikit in every way 4 days later

I feel rather upset and disappointed...It isn't something that I would have done. Just not cricket imo

Should I hire a contract killer to have her wasted?

OP posts:
seeker · 26/03/2008 09:56

Definitely. MAybe there are a few other people whol would share the cost of the contract killer - or perhaps you could get rid of a few other people at the same time? That wwould make it more cost effective!

Sounds a cow. Are you brave enough to say to her that you think it's a bit mean? I'm not, but I would fume for months.

shelleylou · 26/03/2008 09:58

id hire something extra magician or something like that as a surprise just to get my own back as she tinks that itll b the same. Maybe its me being slightly petty but id go 1 better

reikizen · 26/03/2008 09:58

Wow, and people like this are allowed to breed! What a very difficult person to live with.

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 26/03/2008 09:59

What a cow - pull her tail and she will sh*t on the floor!!

Obviously there a bit of green eye in all of this & it is amazing that this supposedly grown woman has to p*ss on the parade...

I only hope that there is some just dessers for her around the corner of life...

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 09:59

I'd like to Seeker but I am not good at putting my point across verbally in a calm and reasonable way - I would end up sounding aggressive or petty etc. I can express myself cogently in writing - but emailing her would be the wrong thing to do

OP posts:
ecoworrier · 26/03/2008 10:00

That's very petty of her. She will be the one who ends up looking silly and spiteful though, because it is obvious you have booked it all first.

Will all/most of the same children be going to both parties?

I must admit, I would be tempted to ensure your son is 'busy' on the day of her child's party. Alright, some of the guests might be going to both parties but for your son 'his' party will still be new and fresh and exciting for him.

What a mad woman.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 10:01

I'm relieved that you all don't seem to think that I am overreacting.

I think I will contact the company actually - they do some extras like magicians and face painting. Am tempted...

OP posts:
bobsyouruncle · 26/03/2008 10:01

sounds like an insecure cow. I'd be tempted to go one better too!

onepieceoflollipop · 26/03/2008 10:02

She is out of order. I would be very

If she is the type of person that makes such a big deal of these things, she should have done what another mum at dd's pre-school did. She was organised enough (unlike me) to realise that our dcs had their b'days a few days apart. She sent me a lovely note about a month ahead to say that her ds's b'day was on a particular date, and they were planning to celebrate the week after dd's birthday.

Result - no double booking, everyone happy.

bobsyouruncle · 26/03/2008 10:02

oh definitely book the extras

Taweret · 26/03/2008 10:02

Wow - what a horrible thing to do.
And what shameless cheek she has.

I would phone the company, explain the situation, and ask how they can make your DS' party better slighty different.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 10:04

Eco - yes, pretty much major overlap of party goers.

I will keep my son from her dd's party - quite legitimately as it happens. My sister is due to arrive here from Australia on that day, can't very well bugger off to a party when she has just arrived

OP posts:
cornsilk · 26/03/2008 10:04

What a silly woman. Ignore her - the chn will love it regardless. The other mums will know the score as well.

onepieceoflollipop · 26/03/2008 10:04

Or phone the company pretending to be her and wanting to cancel!! (only joking, obviously, but it's tempting!!)

Threadworm · 26/03/2008 10:04

I'm amazed that you could be upset by this, unless you think she is somehome doing it deliberately to undermine you. Surely she is entitled to book the party she thinks is right for her child, even if you have booked a similar one?

nervousal · 26/03/2008 10:05

you ds won't care at all if the parties are similar. In dds nursery the majority of hte birthday parties are held at the same venue - same bouncy castle etc etc - and the kids still love it. You can spend all the time and money you want trying to make your child's party the best party ever - but as long as theres a cake, candles and lots of playing they will be happy.

orangina · 26/03/2008 10:05

Can you email the company and explain that you would like your party to not look like an identikit to the one 4 days previously? Maybe a pixie instead of a clown, face painting instead of pass the parcel, etc?
What a cow. Don't invite her to yours, tell her to bog off (petty I know).
Maybe your ds doesn't have to go to hers, the he won't know that the 2 parties are identical (and its school holidays, so hopefully won't feel like the left out boy...).
YANBU, and I agree with whoever said her come uppance will be around the corner in some form or other.

Anchovy · 26/03/2008 10:05

Hmm. The only thing I would say - my DCs are 6 and 4 - is that there are a couple of "favourite" venues/ways of doing parties. One is a church hall down the road from us and the other is a soft play centre that has opened locally recently. Out of 22 in DS's class and 15 in DD's class, I would think a good 60% have had their parties so far at one or the other. And the children love it. As adults we always think that different = best, but my DCs are still on the groove that if doing something once was good, doing the identical thing 557 times = 557 times as good. So TBH they would happily go to the same place twice in 4 days.

I would shrug and get over it. (If I were in her shoes I would be starting a post saying "Disaster - some cow has only booked exactly the same party that I was thinking of for my DC and not even on her DC's actual birthday - how mean is that?!")

I would get over it by (i) speaking to the party people and seeing if they can do a few tweaks to make it seem different - they are bound to have a repertoire and can vary it a bit; (ii) making mine a bit better. Serve wine or champagne for parents so everyone remembers yours!

snowleopard · 26/03/2008 10:06

What a cow!

Yes, I would phone them and explain the whole situation and ask it could be made different - eg could it have a theme?

Or slip them a bung to make her party go totally tits-up

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 10:07

Well given that she was grinning smugly from ear to ear when she told me Threadworm - yes I think it was deliberate undermining.

Don't understand her motivations. I don't know her that well but have quite liked her - previously

OP posts:
Katisha · 26/03/2008 10:07

Will most of the other attendees be at both parties? If it was just your son, maybe you could not send him to hers so that he enjoyed his own more. However if all the other children will be at both then it's a bit much.
Is there any mileage in sending a civilised email expressing your disappoinment and reiterating that you had hoped to share the SAME party, not set up two identical events so close together?

Katisha · 26/03/2008 10:08

X-posts a go go...

Taweret · 26/03/2008 10:09

I read the issue as being that the other woman read the email from HMC, (that HMC had kindly forwarded to her - and HMC had offered for the children to share the venue!), and then the other woman didn't bother replying to HMC, and just booked the exact same thing for a few days earlier.

At the very least that is rude.

I would be upset too.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 10:11

Yes I will definitely contact the company to arrange a few differences......It's true to an extent that the children won't be too bothered about it being a repeat experience, but it is still bugging me nonetheless

Intend to be adult about whole thing and not make big huge deal of it. I am just a wee bit saddened that she would do this. It is just not how I would operate.

I appreciate it is trivial in the scale of things - but I would have just expected more from her.... if that makes sense

Ok off to make chocolate cupcakes with ds - Pre-School is cancelled today!

OP posts:
Surfermum · 26/03/2008 10:12

I think it's fair enough if she wants her dd to have her own party, and even that she wants her to have the same sort of party. But the way she's gone about it is a bit rude. Yes, you could react, you could keep your ds away from the party if he's invited, or try and make your party one better than hers, but wouldn't it be better just to rise above it?

I'm not sure the children will really mind whether they go to two the same - I know dd (4.10) wouldn't. She would just be very excited about going to two parties.

If you want to make your ds's slightly different what about making it fancy dress?