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Original poster

Party Wars - the politics of children's birthdays; what do you think of this?

100 replies

handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 09:53

OK slightly ironic title.

Here is the scenario. I arrange a birthday party for my soon to be 4 year old. I opt for a hosted all inclusive play including soft play and organised activities / parachute games with local children's soft gym equipment company...(, they do everything, I won't have to lift a finger). They come to your local village hall and do the whole thing.

Another mum from Pre-School and School approaches me and says "Do you know you've arranged your son's birthday party on the day of my dd's birthday"

I reply: "Oh I didn't realise your dd had her birthday then"

She then asks when my son's birthday is and I indicate that it is 2 days after his party, on a Tuesday in the school holidays. She than repeats "But his party is on the DAY of my dd's actual birthday"...and I reply that I had to opt for a weekend date because although my son's birthday is in the school holidays this still precludes a week day party imo because of the older/ younger sibling issue for one thing (i.e. dads not at home on week days to look after other children not attending party)

This conversation is all rather civil and I make the offer of her coming in on my son's party and doing a joint one with us. I offer to forward the party details by email to her to see if she is interested in joining forces.

See her outside school today. Go and tell her that I have sent her an email (in case she doesn't check her inbox often) and she tells me that she has plans afoot to book precisely the same all inclusive party with the same company that I have arranged for my ds, for her dd 4 days prior to his party. This rather takes the lustre off things for my son - he will be attending her dd's party and then his own which will be identikit in every way 4 days later

I feel rather upset and disappointed...It isn't something that I would have done. Just not cricket imo

Should I hire a contract killer to have her wasted?

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 26/03/2008 10:13

My God. What a hideous pychotic loon. I suspect she and her dd are much better than everyone else and she should be avoided.

I think I would not send ds to her dd's party - take him for a nice treat instead, at least it will be the first time he's seen the entertainer etc. I strongly suspect you care more about how much fun he has at his party, not how much fun loony's dd has

Loony woman to be avoided henceforth at all costs. And obviously have her wiped out.

Suggest you have something a bit bigger and better at his party - have you, ahem, thought of my that fantastic candy necklace idea of mine someone had?

LittleBella · 26/03/2008 10:15

She is obviously bonkers in the nut.

But you do have to rise above it. Honestly at that age the fact that the parties will be exactly hte same will delight the kids, not bother them. You really don't need to add anythng extra, the kids might even disapprove of any deviation...

Katisha · 26/03/2008 10:16

WHat did you actually say to her when she smugly told you?

Surfermum · 26/03/2008 10:17

And if she smirked when she told you, not reacting or being really nice to her about it will probably irritate the hell out of her.

Oliveoil · 26/03/2008 10:20

TBH most of the parties that my two attend are at the same soft play areas, same food, same yadda yadda yadda yadda. Children do not seem to be bothered, maybe it is an age thing, if they were 7 or 8 they prefer to be individual imo.

HOWEVER if I knew of another mother who I had had a conversation with and had emailed me etc, I would have the curtesy of responding. It is called MANNERS!

I would contact your party people and slightly alter the party you have but I would still let your ds attend the other one (australia visit not withstanding) if possible and not do a tit for tat thing

at the end of the day it is a birthday party and not worth WW3 over imo

(but she is rude and needs to learn some manners, big time)

FluffyMummy123 · 26/03/2008 10:24

Message withdrawn

nametaken · 26/03/2008 10:25

I hate it when people behave like this - what on earth does this sort of thing achieve. Obviously the only thing that makes her feel good is making other people feel bad.

Rise above it and be prepared for next year. I've got a "friend" (well someone I know anyway) just the same as this.

The kids will love it anyway.

FluffyMummy123 · 26/03/2008 10:25

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 26/03/2008 10:26

Message withdrawn

seb1 · 26/03/2008 10:32

Suggest she joins mumsnet for "the best party advice", then well will rip her up amd spit her up ok.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 10:32

Rainbow mini gym cod - not the same as going to a soft play centre....more like gym equipment for littlies, coordinated activities and parachute games

Cupcakes about to go in oven - at critical moment. Back later

OP posts:
MadameCh0let · 26/03/2008 10:39

Ha ha, she sounds a control freak, and very insecure too. Poor woman. Does she think that she can control when other people's birthday's fall?!?!

You did the right thing. You politely offered to join forces with her and she declined, cos she's polishing her ego.

If your son is invited to her dd's party, I would cancel your son's, invite a few of his closest friends for a pizza at lunch time on the Saturday.

With the money you save you should buy yourself a lovely new bag and then show it to her and tell her why you decided to treat yourself to it!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 10:42

Ah done, cakes in oven and gently baking

Thanks everyone - this has cheered me up, especially the posts involving a bit of name calling

Going to look up that candynecklace idea...and nametaken, yep I am forearmed for next year.

I agree it is not worth causing WWIII over it, but nice to offload with the MN sisterhood on here

OP posts:
maisemor · 26/03/2008 10:56

Let your son go to the other party.
I am sure your son will have fun at the other party but enjoy it even more at his own party because it is his own party and he will be the centre of attention.
Don't sink to her level of pettiness.

ska · 26/03/2008 11:03

don't sink to her level - you know you are in the right. i wouldnt worry as i agree taht the kids wont mind one jot. it is YOU she has been rude to and you need to try to rise above it. she will be in your life for a while yet. loved the idea of contacting other mums about bdays - we have 1 bday each week for 14 weeks in our 'group' (NCT based) and sometimes we have managed to co-ordinate but rarely!

barnstaple · 26/03/2008 11:19

Don't worry too much. I know if my dd (who is now 8) had gone to the other kid's party first she would enjoy your ds' party more, because as soon as she saw what it was like when she walked in she'd know what she wanted to do most. She'd have spent the last party wondering what bits she liked and then she'd probably work out her fave bit right at the end when there's not much time left for it iyswim. I shouldn't think she's the only kid in the world like that.

You could say something to the other mum like, "Oh I'm so glad yours is first, that way they'll all know their fave bits and go straight to them - so much nicer to know what's going on from the start, at this age, don't you think?"

shelleylou · 26/03/2008 19:02

im glad its not just me that would go one better

Cammelia · 26/03/2008 21:00

hmc this is definitely oneupbitchmanshipcompetitive mum syndrome on her part

Been there.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 21:39

Yes, pathetic isn't it Cammelia.

Am feeling quite philosophical about it all now. Not going to let it bother me - since that would give her infinite pleasure!

OP posts:
iheartdusty · 26/03/2008 21:48

here is an example of another thread from the other side of the coin!
(no deliberate undermining though)

thread

Heated · 26/03/2008 21:56

Also it's the, "Do you know you've arranged your son's birthday party on the day of my dd's birthday" !!!! that made me
Fancy you not knowing that, shame on you!

There is of course lots of malicious amusement to be had feeding misinformation to a competitive parent but of course I rise above all that .

Enjoy sipping the wine.

SilentTerror · 27/03/2008 09:20

This happened to me when my DD2 was in reception. We organised a Wacky Warehouse party and sent invitations a cuple of weeks beforehand. Another mother then speedily arranged an identical party for her DD a week before,only handing out invitations at the last minute! I was a bit annoyed,but the children all attended both and enjoyed both .
I have subsequently become very good friends with her and we share joint parties for our DDs now!
Perhaps you don't want to go this far though?? !!!

Blu · 27/03/2008 09:28

Wasted, without a doubt.

The poor woman clearly has delusions about her own role in the universe.

WE'll probably see her on some reality TV programme featuring extreme crazed parenting and competitive party-giving or something.

Acutually, that's not a bad idea for the next exploitative 'let's make ordinary people look totally bonkers and have the nation agog at thier ridiculousness' style of prog.

(oh, and at 4 Ds was begging to have the exact same party entertainer and routine that his friend had - if they enjoy it once they enjoy it more a second time

LynetteScavo · 27/03/2008 09:44

Ah, but your party bags, and birthday cake, and food will be soooo much better that hers. You will be able to check out her lame offerings and make sure yours have that extra wow factor (Well that's what I would do)

If I were in your position, I would forever be at war with this woman.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 10:33

lol Blu

...actually Lynette, yesterday I did commission somebody to make a birthday cake for ds....I am being sucked in aren't I?

Next year I am going to drip feed to this woman that I am arranging for a petting zoo to set up in my garden for ds' birthday (you've probably seen them - they bring all manner of small animals which children can handle). Of course I have absolutely no intention of doing this at all!(ridiculously OTT) - but it will be fun to see what her reaction is (evil cackle)

OP posts: