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Original poster

Party Wars - the politics of children's birthdays; what do you think of this?

100 replies

handlemecarefully · 26/03/2008 09:53

OK slightly ironic title.

Here is the scenario. I arrange a birthday party for my soon to be 4 year old. I opt for a hosted all inclusive play including soft play and organised activities / parachute games with local children's soft gym equipment company...(, they do everything, I won't have to lift a finger). They come to your local village hall and do the whole thing.

Another mum from Pre-School and School approaches me and says "Do you know you've arranged your son's birthday party on the day of my dd's birthday"

I reply: "Oh I didn't realise your dd had her birthday then"

She then asks when my son's birthday is and I indicate that it is 2 days after his party, on a Tuesday in the school holidays. She than repeats "But his party is on the DAY of my dd's actual birthday"...and I reply that I had to opt for a weekend date because although my son's birthday is in the school holidays this still precludes a week day party imo because of the older/ younger sibling issue for one thing (i.e. dads not at home on week days to look after other children not attending party)

This conversation is all rather civil and I make the offer of her coming in on my son's party and doing a joint one with us. I offer to forward the party details by email to her to see if she is interested in joining forces.

See her outside school today. Go and tell her that I have sent her an email (in case she doesn't check her inbox often) and she tells me that she has plans afoot to book precisely the same all inclusive party with the same company that I have arranged for my ds, for her dd 4 days prior to his party. This rather takes the lustre off things for my son - he will be attending her dd's party and then his own which will be identikit in every way 4 days later

I feel rather upset and disappointed...It isn't something that I would have done. Just not cricket imo

Should I hire a contract killer to have her wasted?

OP posts:
Blu · 27/03/2008 14:09

LOL at petting zoo manouevre.

HMC - I can send you a very impressive dinosaur party table cloth, if that would help

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 20:21

This year we have 'graduated' .... to Spiderman, Blu

Dd is stuck on Barbie (gasp)

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dizzydixies · 27/03/2008 20:27

haven't read full post but would getting YOUR invites out first not even whip the feet out from under the miserable wench?

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 20:30

Hope so dizzy

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dizzydixies · 27/03/2008 20:33

I can't believe she's done this esp after you were good enough to have joint party - some people are just miserable aren't they

mollymawk · 27/03/2008 20:34

Well it seems this othet mother is being rather mean and obviously it is annoying for you but I would definitely second the other people who have said that your DS probably won't suffer at all. IME children of this age like things better the more familiar they are and the more they can know what is coming. We like novelty, they get anxious about it. Thus your DS will probably enjoy his party even more for having done exactly the same things a few days earlier.

Quattrocento · 27/03/2008 20:40

Ooh not good HMC, not good

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 20:42

Absolutely dizzy - I feel quite hurt actually because I thought we were developing a friendship...more fool me!

You are right Molly - the kids won't give a fig (but I do!)

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MadamePlatypus · 27/03/2008 20:42

I think its a bit rude to intentionally book the same venue, but agree with mollyhawk, you may benefit as all the children will know what to expect and at 4 that is a good thing.

dizzydixies · 27/03/2008 20:46

handlemecarefully unfortunately this is one of those situations where you just have to rise above it and make sure ds has the best birthday ever, with 2 parties in one week he is sure too

get your invites out first
learn from the mistakes that happen at hers
aquaint yourself with the company on the day of her dds party so you know what to expect and how to get the best from them
have great party bags
look a million dollars and completely relaxed

are the parents staying at your ds' party? I had homemade cake and flavoured water for the parents at ours last year, wasn't trying to show anyone up but it went down a storm!!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 20:47

True MadameP! I can't believe how utterly luvverly mumsnetters have been on this thread. It is like free therapy.

Also, when the day or reckoning comes at the Pearly Gates we know who will get in and who won't (apologies - lots of wine and haven't eaten since breakfast, so might not sound entirely lucid)

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 20:50

dizzy - my party bags will be to die for. I will get some nice drinks in for 'dropping off' parents....(and then I will waste her!)

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/03/2008 20:50

Oh grrr how annoying!!! You absolutely MUST have a spectacular, tiered/castle/rocket style birthday cake, and OTT party bags - well - I say bags, dont go with the plastic, bog standard jobbies.......

I am just getting to grips with party politics

Had a parent ask me about our DD's birthdays. Their birthdays are within 2 weeks of each other.

They suggested doing a joint one to reduce the cost. Fine.

They decided on a venue and cost. Fine.

Both DD's were very excited about it - neither child had their own proper birthday party before. Fine.

They then wrote out a list of children to invite - half of which DD didnt know because she hadnt gone to the same pre-school. Not so fine.

I suggested adding to the list of names or changing to a cheaper venue to include more children that DD knew ( Mcdonalds ). Got a text message later that day saying "actually, can we scrap the joint party idea after all, it'd be nice if my DD could have her first party to herself".

I had to tell DD it wasnt happening anymore, and now can't afford to do it in a softplay place so have to do it at home which I KNOW, to her, will Just Not Be The Same. In the meantime, this parent is going to end up paying double what they were going to have to pay before - which was the idea behind the joint party in the first place (single parent and doesnt work - so getting by on benefits).

I wish they'd never suggested a joint one in the first place.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 20:55

Oh VVVQV - if you lived near me you would absolutely be invited to do a joint 'do' with me, with everyone you want to invite!

Parties at home can be fabulous - I personally don't have the stamina, but your dd will have a great time. I am sure of it

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/03/2008 20:56

Oooh I had some ace ones given to DD once.

A book and a girly toy wrapped in clear cellophane stuff sealed with red ribbon! Totally OTT, but if you going to impress.

You MUST get your hair done on the day!

Get your invites out first.

Get treats/stuff for the parents who are staying - in fact actively encourage them to stay. Have wine on standby .

dizzydixies · 27/03/2008 20:56

VVV that is utter pants am very for you - whats the cunning new plan, there are loads of ways of making it extra special without great expense

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 20:57

And I would just like to add - the other parents are fuckwits. Perhaps I can put them in touch with the mum I am referring to - they could form "Fuckwits anonymous"

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/03/2008 21:00

aww hmc, that's lovely. I'd be happy to do a joint thing - takes the pressure off and it means you can do a bit more than you could normally. I even offered to bake a huge cake for their DD too!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 21:03

Dizz - I have arranged a face painter as an 'add on'. I am organising Spiderman tableware and banners. Also am taking my IPod sound docks and am doing a playlist of music that ds loves, and getting a bubble machine and fancy smancy disco lights. Feel like I am a marionette and other mother is pulling the strings

Bitch! - sorry, momentary loss of composure. Normal service will be resumed shortly

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/03/2008 21:03

Well, we are having it at home. I really can't afford to pay £8 to £9.50 a head. McDonalds is £5.99 a head but even so.....

It's her first year, I dont want to exclude anyone but as it is, I've sent out invites to 20 of the 30 children in her class. I had to just ask her who she played with and who she'd like to come and then just stopped at 20, expecting only 14 or 15 at most to be able to make it. It's during the end of term break so lots are going away.

There'll be games, I've got some basic face paints to do faces with. If its sunny they can play out in the garden. That's about it really.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 21:06

VVVQV - words fail me. They are definitely out of order!

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dizzydixies · 27/03/2008 21:06

VVVQV get yourself a bubble machine - ELC and some bubbles - brilliant.

I went to tesco last year and bought loads of cheap outdoor toys and hired local botanical gardens for £28 for the morning and they all ran wild and LOVED it!

we had lots of balls, a parachute, bubble machine, huge ten pin bowling and inflatable olympics for her 4th birthday - wasn't expensive and they loved it

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 21:07

VVVQV - it sounds fab. Genuinely.

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brimfull · 27/03/2008 21:10

she's a beeeeaaatch

trip her up tomorrow hmc

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 21:11

Ah, tis lovely to see old friends (and new ones) on this thread.

I will ggirl!

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