Why are some people just horrible on here? I could cry for some posters.

[Moier]

Some people on here are just horrible .
Some don't read the whole post .
Some get on their high prevlidge horses.
Loads are jealous and show it in an adverse way.
Some just like being antagonistic for the sake of it.
The poor OP asking for advice about having her kitchen done.. and struggling within her family both mentally and physically.. she is NOT getting it for free... she pays rent. Those who own their homes.. you choose to.

Every day on here people asking for advice .. their minds probably in turmoil.. they don't know where to turn.. they are desperate.. loads and loads fantastic great positive advice.. but for every post there is at least one replay that is downright nasty and bitchy.
Please think before you type.
I know one person's reply on here to someone last year.. tipped her over the edge.
#bekind

Thank you. It has been a tough few months, working as a nhs nurse with the shortages we've been experiencing. I've given up this week.

It's not free if someone is paying rent. It always has to be a race to the bottom doesn't it?

To be fair, I've seen a lot of MNetters over the years saying their black and white thinking is due to autism.

It doesn't make them nasty though, just sometimes unable to see the shades of grey, and then that can antagonise other posters or the OP.

It can be a bit horrible on here. I hide all the serious / controversial topics but sometimes the AIBU nastiness does find its way to the more frivolous topics (eg home decor / fashion / baby names). At least if you hide AIBU and some others, it does reduce how much of it you see.

I've had a couple of threads turn really nasty on here and then just got used to it which is worrying tbh 😬. Now just hide threads or topics when they go a bit bitchy

As PPs have said, it’s an internet forum and you do have to have a certain level of thick skin when you share personal details but I do think there’s a certain type of poster, and a growing number, who absolutely view themselves and the way they see the world as the ‘right way’ to live and any deviation from that sends them on a mission to put people in their place with nastiness rather than agreeing to live and let live.

People in real life would either laugh at their nonsense, tell them to piss off or lamp them, so the only place to assert their authority is online.

And if there’s a hint the person they are posting at is vulnerable they smell blood.

There’s also a very large section of mumsnet who believe anyone in private or social rented housing should be grateful to have a roof over their head with zero concerns or complaints or even personal preferences no matter how much rent they pay.

In short, mumsnet, like the rest of the world has its fair share of arseholes and as much as it would be nice to think it’s a safe space, it’s not, and we all need to be better at filtering out the nasty people posting for the sake of it from the people who actually want to help. Someone vulnerable may not always be able to do that.

I didn't see the kitchen thread BTW but generally speaking

Reasons to section someone.
Feels actively suicidal.
Is a danger to others.
Read a nasty post on Mumsnet.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints you’ve just proved part of the point.

It’s not a ‘free’ kitchen. It’s a kitchen supplied by the landlord who gets paid rent in exchange for supplying a habitable home. 2 weeks without a kitchen is inconvenient.

Not everyone can afford to eat out for 2 weeks or buy a microwave or live on pot noodles. Renters, even social tenants, have a right to be annoyed that they are paying to live in a place that for 2 weeks will be missing a crucial part of the house and impact their life and budget.

It’s not people in social housing paying rent who are responsible for the housing crisis and it’s not on them to suck up every inconvenience caused by their landlord because other people are homeless.

It’s such reductive and classist nonsense to allow people to feel superior whilst looking ‘fair’.

By that same logic, no one who has anything someone else might be lacking can ever complain. Good luck with that.

Of course it is, but would I feel the need to point it out? No because it’s irrelevant and I’m not so desperate to paint myself as a higher quality person.

Maybe the kitchen thread moved on a bit after the first couple of pages or so (I didn't go on reading) but I don't think the OP was complaining. In fact, they had acknowledged their 'good fortune' in having a home and getting a new kitchen.

They were worried. Not complaining.

They took on board suggestions about things that might help like paper plates.

Replies that say 'it's tough but xyz will help and it's not really fair for you to take up extra accomodation during the refit' may be ok. But when I dropped off that thread, people were getting insulting. Really hurtful - and that's not going to help anyone. It's not tough love. It's just bad behaviour.

Is it the rehouse while kitchen is done thread?
Because that OP is posting as you claim they've been sectioned? @Moier

Proved a difference of opinion. It jsnt a race to the bottom but the inconvenience of having a kitchen fitted is just that.

You must be aware of the dire housing provisions some people are in, the op had a choice to dwell/feel hard done by or realise that actually the two week disruption will result in a positive outcome. It is easy to fall I to a woe is me mindset through no fault, I just think sometime a bit of reality can turn people from half empty to half full.

I've been a MN user for almost 20 years. I do think it's got nastier over the years (IMHO since AIBU became a topic). Personally I think MNHQ should have a more robust deletion policy. At the moment you can be as nasty as you like but if you manage to phrase it so that it's not considered a 'personal attack' it will be allowed to stand.

I don't think it really matters whether someone was actually sectioned, the point is that it is only too believable that someone would post a nasty response to a vulnerable OP looking for help.

And I don't think we should ignore the nasty posters, I think they should be called out on the thread.

My many years in MN have taught me quite a few definites: (1) many more adults than I suspected cannot and will not take responsibility for their actions - whether they’re the OP who can’t handle the responses they asked random strangers for (why post on here then?) or replies on threads (why be so unnecessarily bitchy to a random stranger? Keep it to yourself) (2) people get extremely angry about many different things, very quickly (3) tone is very difficult to convey in an informal conversational forum (4) internet fora are probably, on balance, bad things. There probably are very useful niche fora, non-anonymized and well moderated, but a free for all such as MN is not the place for sage advice on the whole. You do get some great threads occasionally, but more often than not it’s people talking into the dark, asking for help, then getting upset/ scared/ freaked out/ upset by the replies they get (5) generally speaking, levels of SPAG are declining and actually quite poor.

The hygiene ones irritate me sometimes. If someone dares confess they defrost food on the counter instead of in the fridge, doesn’t close the loo lid before flushing, or even wears pyjamas without underwear they get called things like vile, grotty, skanky, disgusting etc. There’s someone posting right now whose dad is getting completely torn apart. Her oh refused to eat any of the meat he’d cooked for the roast he’d made them, because he touched it while he was carving it. All because once upon a time he came out of the toilet and her oh wasn’t 100% sure if he’d washed his hands or not 🙄

Completely agree - some of the posters on here seem to really thrive on making other people feel shit about themselves

I always think posters who are snide or sarcastic or dismissive, or who give a generally negative and unhelpful response are showing themselves up much worse than the OP.

Unwittingly or not, they are revealing their own faults and insecurities. And there is so much self-righteousness on display! I do try to be kind and empathetic but don't always succeed.

Years ago I posted a snarky response to someone who was worried about her DH's situation. I know what I wrote stung her cos she mentioned it later on in the thread.

Upon reflection, I realised that my bitchy comment was motivated by me being a lone parent and feeling particularly single, unloved and lonely at the time. My feelings weren't relevant to her circumstances and were purely about me. I still feel a little bit bad for dumping them on her.

I live with mental ill health and when I am feeling fragile I don't engage with social media, because the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable to attack is too overwhelming.

If a thread is more than about 5 pages I tend to skip to the end first to see how it’s kicked off.

I think that AIBU has a lot to answer for, and the idea that if someone has posted on AIBU then they need to suck it up is ridiculous.

However, I have to take issue with the OP posting that someone ended up being sectioned over a comment posted on MN.

If that is true and a comment pushed her over the edge, I’m sure that she wouldn’t appreciate someone who worked in the psychiatric hospital she was in gossiping about it to her friend who has then plastered it on a thread on MN. Because let’s be honest, that’s not a regular thing, so she would easily recognise herself if she was on here.

So OP while I agree that there are some brutal posts, I think that someone working in a psychiatric hospital who is discussing patience with their friends is incredibly unprofessional.

Whereas I was trying to be lighthearted. Can't win them all.

But you've literally just said 'Of course it is'.

You had no need to say that and could've made your point without it.

Anyway, just because you say 'Of course it is', doesn't make it so, does it?

They have over 90 restaurants in England and Ireland for a reason.

Yes, I had a horrible time a year or so back and asked for help sorting my thoughts out. Lots of people were very kind, but so many people felt the need to wade in and tell me how I was over thinking, or needed some proper problems, or should be grateful for what I had or was causing my problems myself. I knew all that, I was just looking for a place to talk it out.

People can’t help themselves. They forget there are real people at the other side of a screen or it makes it much more fun to think they are hurting a human being because their real lives must be pretty pathetic. AIBU is known for it ((doesn’t make it right) I find it really unpleasant when it seeps out into the other boards I’ve relationships. There was one a couple of days ago with a poster asking for advice on reporting neglect to the social services. God the replies! You would have thought the OP was abusing the children herself not trying to get help for them. It was very heartening when several other posters came along and gave excellent advice and the unpleasant poster was soundly called out for their behaviour.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints
It’s patronising in the extreme to assume it’s your right to decide anyone needs to be told to be glass half full when you have no idea of their history.

Do you think the pile on helped that woman, telling her she was an ingrate, a scrounger, be grateful for the bare minimum as a way to show her how greedy she was for being annoyed because as a social housing tenant she should never be allowed to voice an inconvenience?

And I am well aware of the dire provision of housing, thanks. Especially the houses not fit for habitation where people are forced to live without adequate heating, ventilation, with mould and damp and sewage backing up through their drains, where nothing is done because they are social tenants and have been told to be grateful they have a home at all, even if it’s killing them.

Be Grateful and Be Kind are used so often as weapons on here to tell people to know their place by those who ‘know’ better.

This.

there are hundreds of thousands (millions even?) of people that use MN and then millions more that can come across threads on different platforms.

That is going to be a huge cross section of society.

You are being hyperbolic, dramatic and a little flexible with the truth in trying to claim someone was sectioned because of a comment on MN. You are actually being quite offensive in suggesting Mental Health Issues are that simplistic, and then a nurse, passing on information to you about someone you don't know..... difficult to know where to start.

I have also seen very reasonable differences in opinion be described as rude and attacking when they are anything but.

Help isn't the same as agreeing with the OP, nor is BeKind.

Absolutely. I see this regularly.

MN is incredibly helpful, funny, stimulating, useful, and yes, there are people out to goad, offend, or upset people (refer to info about how many people use MN). Overwhelmingly, there are a host of incredibly helpful, witty, intelligent, knowledgeable people - some of who will 'tell it straight' when people choose to ask if they ABU or not.

Anyone who doesn't like the robustness of debate in AIBU can hide it, like I've hidden topics I don't want to read.

Yes, I'm surprised MNHQ has allowed this thread to stand with such an substantiated accusation.

The OP knows nothing about the woman who was apparently sectioned, other than secondhand gossip.