Why are some people just horrible on here? I could cry for some posters.

[Moier]

Some people on here are just horrible .
Some don't read the whole post .
Some get on their high prevlidge horses.
Loads are jealous and show it in an adverse way.
Some just like being antagonistic for the sake of it.
The poor OP asking for advice about having her kitchen done.. and struggling within her family both mentally and physically.. she is NOT getting it for free... she pays rent. Those who own their homes.. you choose to.

Every day on here people asking for advice .. their minds probably in turmoil.. they don't know where to turn.. they are desperate.. loads and loads fantastic great positive advice.. but for every post there is at least one replay that is downright nasty and bitchy.
Please think before you type.
I know one person's reply on here to someone last year.. tipped her over the edge.
#bekind

What happened when you say tipped her over the edge?

@FrancisSeaton
She ended up being sectioned with a nervous breakdown

Oh bloody hell

Really sorry it had that effect 😔 on her ...

Yanbu some people are vile on here. I stopped reading that kitchen thread and I hope OP has too, no need to be so nasty to someone who is on having a rough time.

I agree, some posters a really vile, kicking someone down when they need help.

Its like they enjoy it.

Because of a comment on here?

Yes it makes me cringe some times. Its like they almost post just to pick holes at someone's post and then if they say its mean they're always like "the trust hurts don't post if you can't handle it" eugh just no need I'd say. I hardly post anymore because just can't handle the back lash tbh

I didn’t see the thread but I do think that it’s not massively supportive on here.

I have stepped back as I realised it was actually affecting my parenting. I was becoming very tense about completely normal, age appropriate behaviour from my DS and worrying it was because I hadn’t put boundaries in place (MN obsessed with boundaries at the moment) and I needed to chill.

This isn't a members club.

This is a forum where anyone with internet access can join. And post.

I didn't read that thread so don't know the background. However, I would say that people who are that fragile shouldn't spend any amount of time in social media and that includes MN.

People say what they think online and it often isn't kind and generally isn't what the poster wants to hear. And also, unfortunately, isn't of any help.

Bad behaviour online isn't nice, it shouldn't happen but it does. That's the reality of it.

I think some posters are absolutely vile at times and I'm guessing whatever's going on in their own lives, makes them that way.

It's no excuse though, they should use the 'off' button.

I agree with everything you've said OP apart from the silly #Bekind thing. That just grates on me because it's normally a way to shut women up, as it's very rarely said to men.

I know one person's reply on here to someone last year.. tipped her over the edge.

She ended up getting sectioned because of one reply by one poster?

Can you elaborate on how you know this and what you mean? MH services don't section people for having a "nervous breakdown", it's very hyperbolic to say this was a direct result of one post on a forum full of internet randoms.

If someone is struggling to the extent they need a hospital stay, that won't have been caused by one comment on the internet, there will have been underlying issues that needed treating. The threshold for going into hospital on an involuntary stay is very, very high, much higher than "my feelz got hurt online". For example I tried to end it 7 times last year and still wasn't sectioned. It's not that easy to get into hospital and saying this is indicative that you don't understand MH at all.

Mumsnet isn't reality. Maybe time to switch off the computer and do something more positive?

I think the first few responses really set the tone, as does how the op responds to comments and questions.

Avoid AIBU if you're feeling fragile.

I have also seen very reasonable differences in opinion be described as rude and attacking when they are anything but.

Help isn't the same as agreeing with the OP, nor is BeKind.

MN has something like 12m users. They are not all going to #bekind because you’ve told them to. This forum is known for its robust responses so it really is a case that if you can’t cope with that then don’t post.

Some people absolutely deserve it, like that one AIBU about New Years Eve where the OP was upset about her husband not leaving a party because she wasn't feeling well, and it transpired that she was perfectly fine with him driving drunk and stoned. She conveniently ignored all the comments questioning highly illegal behaviour.

Nobody ever got sectioned because of one reply on MN. And I'm not sure that responsibility for a stranger's mental health should be passed over to other strangers on the internet - if one is that fragile then it's probably best to keep off forums and social media.

This isn’t about Mumsnet, this is the internet in general. Go on social media and there are loads of unpleasant comments for absolutely no reason. I think it can be part of the human trait and people do it because they’re online and not in real life.

Helping someone can actually give you a serotonin boost.

As much as we may have a responsibility to consider the impact of our words on others, we also have a responsibility towards ourselves.

And that would include keeping out of chat forums full of strangers, if we're feeling vulnerable.

I think your example is a bit hyperbolic. I’m sure she wasn’t sectioned over a mn comment. You’re always going to get arseholes on every forum, tbh there’s so many people tone deaf in the way they word things, you can see exactly where they’ve gone wrong when a thread doesn’t go their way, and there is huge amounts of support on here. I’ve just come off a thread where a woman is in hospital and planning to leave her abusive partner this afternoon, and is in a pure panic as he’s noticed she’s taken the kids passports. There’s pages of support and advice for the people who need it

@Moier couldn’t agree more. I am shocked at the number of vile judgey comments Mumsnet attracts. I worry for the mental health of some posters after having seen the replies. I suspect these people wouldn’t be as brave in real life!

@FFrancisSeaton

More than one comment.
She was already vulnerable but the comments made it worse.

Putting your problems out there on any public internet forum is much like walking into a crowded shopping centre, ringing a bell, asking for silence and then telling everyone who's listening your darkest/most personal secrets.

That shopping centre will contain people who understand, people who don't understand, people who are triggered and so lash out, alcoholics, drug addicts, Mental Health sufferers, nice people, nasty people and every single other that you can imagine.

Just because you're not standing there in person, doesn't make what you're doing any different.

If you're lucky the nicer/more understanding people will interact the most, if you're not you'll get the others 🤷‍♂️

There are horrible people on every part of the internet, sadly. I am glad MN does have a report button, and they do respond appropriately. I don't go out of my way to be horrible, but equally I'll try to be honest if asked - some folk ask questions or AIBU but have already decided they're going to ignore answers they don't like, and then accuse others of nastiness when it's often a lot of honesty (much of it given in a kind way). We can all try our best to be kind and considerate, but equally we're not responsible for other people's reactions, nor do we know their back story.

@FFrancisSeaton

I think it depends on your crisis team and your NHS trust.. and no two people are the same.
I've been sectioned three times with a Nervous breakdown. .
The Woman on here was very vulnerable and came and asked for advice.. a few peoples comments tipped her over the edge. I didn't know her personally.. l was told by a reliable source.