Hi all, I’m a man. So not sure if I’m allowed a post, but here goes.
in 2003, when I was 24 I dated a woman who was 32. After about 18 months she told me she was pregnant. We agreed to tell our respective families over Easter. I hadn’t heard from her and when I got back from visiting family she asked to talk. She told me she was getting an abortion and moving back with family in Cornwall.
I offered her all the support she could have needed but was told that it was not needed and she would ‘deal with it’. I was then visited by a mutual friend (who introduced us), who told me it was the best thing for me, I should forget her and move on with my life.
We had loosley kept in touch over the years and I always toasted the due date of December 6th.
Move forward 19 years, and I got a message from her to say that we needed to talk.
I discovered that she had given birth to a baby girl. This girl has always been told about me and now wants to know more about me.
I spoke with the mum a few weeks back, who gave me a load of reasons as to why she hadn’t told me directly, and that she thought I had been told by another acquaintance. I cannot change what’s happened, but to say I am angry, and upset is an understatement.
I am now at the point where the girl has been told that ‘contact has been made’. She wants to contact me, and I’m waiting for the contact to be made. I’ve waited about 6 weeks so far.
I’ve asked the mum to let the girl (adult) know that I had no idea she had been born, but I am not sure that part of the message has been passed on.
I’ve shared with my wife, who’s been great (upset and shocked to start with), but I won’t tell my children with her until I know what happens next.
I guess I’m after some advice, anyone have experience of this? Anyone know how I should approach all of this? If the girl wants to meet, does anyone have some tips for how to arrange / what to do / say?
Before anyone jumps on the ‘you must have been a shitty guy’ bandwagon. (It was one of the questions I asked her). The mum told me that I had been amazing to her and she’s always told the girl how lovely and nice I was.