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Original poster

I NEED you all to help me make a desicion, please :)

103 replies

nutcracker · 13/02/2008 09:37

Right, as I may have mentioned a while ago, I am being bridesmaid for my friend in August.

Her hen weekend is in a few weeks (6ish), and it is a 3 day trip to Spain. Originaly, I said I wasn't going, no money etc etc, but now I may have the money, but I need to decide now, because there are only 2 seats left on the flight.

My friend is desperate for me to go but I can't decide if I want to or not.

Oh and before anyone posts that I should pay off some more of my debts or buy carpet, I will have already done that.

I think the thing that is stopping me is that I feel a bit guilty popping off for 3 days in the sun when the kids haven't been on holiday since we went with xp in 06.

My dad said 'you can't go anyway, you are a mother'

It would cost me about £200 for flight and hotel, and thats only so much cos i would be booking so late. Their flights were alot cheaper. I'd have to get pasport too though so have to add that on top.

WWYD ?

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 13/02/2008 11:05

go go go and go. see it as a nearly 30th birthday present/party/celebration. Everything you do is for your kids and I think you need to have something for YOU. It will give you such a boost to your self esteem. you would me crazy not to go nutty.

Blossomhill · 13/02/2008 11:06

I know I am hardly ever on here now. Facebook is far more fun for me

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:06

It's not really feasible to do both, well not unless xp decides to give me more than he has said, which is doubtful.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:07

I still don't really get facebook BH, not been on for ages LOL.

OP posts:
Vacua · 13/02/2008 11:09

nutcracker - holidays being 24/7 and more stressful than at home is EXACTLY how I see family holidays. I've only enjoyed short breaks with mine where we've had lots of interesting places to explore, or renting a cottage somewhere and doing more or less what we'd do at home but in different surroundings

I had my first child at 19 and I just think it's so so important, at whatever age you are, to keep a bit of the original you going. It will pep you up and that's good for the whole family.

But don't want to add to whatever conflicting feelings you have, just want to underline that it is most emphatically not selfish to do what is good for you as an individual every now and then. In fact it's essential.

LIZS · 13/02/2008 11:10

at friend putting pressure on you to ask family. Even if her calculation of spending money is correct that is still getting on for almost £400. Chances are she'll be less cautious for a hen weekend and forget others have their limits. If your family were to put up the money as a b'day treat and you had cast iron babysitting in place then I'd say go.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:12

Thanks, I know what you mean.

I think it is just so not normal for me to do anything for me, that it now feels wrong iykwim.

Honestly i felt guilty buying myself a chocolate bar the other week cos I didn't buy the kids one (they were at school)

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:13

Babysitting isn't a problem, my mum has those 3 days off work, and xp would have to pull his weight too.

It isn't that I won't have the money, it is wether I chose to spend it on that or something else.

Friend isn't putting pressure on by the way, she just though I could ask, as am not doing anything for my 30th either.

OP posts:
thefunkypea · 13/02/2008 11:14

aaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggh with a guilt compex like that, Spain is definitely off the agenda

Baffy · 13/02/2008 11:16

NO - go!

It's a one off. You can take your children away as soon as you can afford to.

You may not get the chance again.

It's not selfish. You are a person as well as a mum. You've never been abroad. And you're 30 this year. Do something for yourself for once.

I've been on a couple of weekends like this. And yes, I did miss ds like crazy. But felt 100x better when I got home and had so much energy that ds has never had so much attention in his whole life!!

Go!!!!

LIZS · 13/02/2008 11:18

Can you book something for that weekend with your mum instead? That way she could help with kids and maybe you get time to yourself ina different environment ? Maybe you could do something as a b'day treat like have a facial ?

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:21

Yeah I could Liz

Can not tell you how much underwheleming that sounds to me though.

Can you imagine the convos

'well nutty, what did u do for your 30th'

'well i went away to butlins (etc) with my mum and my kids'

Being childish now I know but, thats how i feel.

OP posts:
lazarou · 13/02/2008 11:22

Nutcracker, go if you want to. It's only a few days. You can drive to wales and get your passport done in a day if you have the time.
Have a few drinks in the evening, relax by the pool in the day and enjoy yourself.
Stop fannying about on here and go and get your tickets sorted.

thefunkypea · 13/02/2008 11:22

So go to Spain..............!!!!!!

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:22

God i must go to the shops, can't sit here all day, where does the time go.

OP posts:
thefunkypea · 13/02/2008 11:23

LOL Lazarou "stop fannying about on here"

Spot on

etchasketch · 13/02/2008 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:33

Right, I am going to have a nice walk to the shop in the sunshine and then when I get back, I will make my desicion.

OP posts:
mamasara82 · 13/02/2008 11:39

Go nutcracker, looks like you haven't done anything for yourself for nearly 12 years. Don't you think its time for a change.

Baffy · 13/02/2008 11:44

Go go!

If you want some advice from someone who's done this then I would say GO!!! When me an H split up it was the best thing I ever did.

Then I saved like mad to take ds away a few months later.

What a great memory for your 30th. Go!

LIZS · 13/02/2008 11:46

Good idea to clear your head. tbh in your mind you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. What would make it less of a guilt trip ? If you can think fo it as a present to yourself then fair enough but don't compromise on important stuff to do so.

I also worry if you go that in some way the trip won't live up to the promise and your friend will be on your case to make you splash out. imo she's the one being selfish insisting on such an elaborate jaunt knowing some can't really afford it.

lazarou · 13/02/2008 11:48

You might even have a holiday romance! OOOHHHH!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XvkPvUqphk

Aimsmum · 13/02/2008 11:52

Message withdrawn

myermay · 13/02/2008 12:03

Message withdrawn

SpacePuppy · 13/02/2008 12:06

A bit of a cheek for someone to expect you to go abroad for a hen party and then expect you to foot the bill. I wouldn't go, save the money and add onto it and take your children later in the year!