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Original poster

I NEED you all to help me make a desicion, please :)

103 replies

nutcracker · 13/02/2008 09:37

Right, as I may have mentioned a while ago, I am being bridesmaid for my friend in August.

Her hen weekend is in a few weeks (6ish), and it is a 3 day trip to Spain. Originaly, I said I wasn't going, no money etc etc, but now I may have the money, but I need to decide now, because there are only 2 seats left on the flight.

My friend is desperate for me to go but I can't decide if I want to or not.

Oh and before anyone posts that I should pay off some more of my debts or buy carpet, I will have already done that.

I think the thing that is stopping me is that I feel a bit guilty popping off for 3 days in the sun when the kids haven't been on holiday since we went with xp in 06.

My dad said 'you can't go anyway, you are a mother'

It would cost me about £200 for flight and hotel, and thats only so much cos i would be booking so late. Their flights were alot cheaper. I'd have to get pasport too though so have to add that on top.

WWYD ?

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LIZS · 13/02/2008 10:03

Sounds nice, but didn't you also turn it down in part because she hasn't been a supportive friend and blows hot and cold. tbh I'd be surprised if you got much change out of £500 by the time you've paid the upfront costs and spending money - I bet you could find a better use for it and would feel guilty for indulging yourself.

myalias · 13/02/2008 10:04

My mate was in a similar position a couple of years ago. Her best mate was getting married and had her hen weekend in Barcelona.
She said it was the best weekend for years and really enjoyed herself. Her mate paid for her flight as a favour for beauty treatments - she is a beautician. The downside though was she had to buy some new clothes and fork out for spending money in all she spent over £300 for 3 days. You only live once go and have a fantastic break

lazarou · 13/02/2008 10:05

Well, I know it's not the same but my dh and a load of his friends plus my dad went to spain for a few nights for his stag do and they were hammered from the practically the moment they stepped on the plane. I know that you said your friend isn't bothered about that but you'd be surprised how quickly that goes out the window when you get there. If you are anxious about being so far from home and not enjoying yourself, then don't go.

myalias · 13/02/2008 10:14

Plans go out the window when you are somewhere hot, have a group of friends and surrounded by men!!! have been abroad countless times when I was young free and single and know from experience that plans made in Blighty are very different when in another Country.

captainmummy · 13/02/2008 10:16

For £200+ you could take the dc on a short holiday all 3 of you. Abroad and everything.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 10:36

She emailed back, said last time they went she took 200 euros and came back with 100.

Anyway, the general consensus is that i'd be selfish to go so, am not going.

Thanks for helping me decide.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 10:42

Just as a matter of interest, of those of you that replied, who has been away for a couple of days, hen weekend or other, without their kids ??

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LIZS · 13/02/2008 10:44

I went skiing for a weekend with some friends once. We were all mums so it seemed slightly illicit but we all felt same and had similar expectations.

kayzisbroody · 13/02/2008 10:47

I have.
We had a few days in Edinburgh for our anniversary and my mum had ds. We had a great time and so did ds. He got to spend time with his grandparents and got taken out and he loved it. Also we got to have a few days not having to worry about where we could go to feed ds or where we could go with the pushchair.
We're taking ds on holiday this year, so he gets a holiday too

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 10:48

Ta

Emailed her back with my desicion, and she said fair enough, but she hopes I don't regret it.

I probbaly will as thats how my life normally pans out, but still.
It will fell a bit odd being the only bridesmaid that didn't go, but then I am the only bridesmaid with kids.

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Vacua · 13/02/2008 10:49

oh no, you must go

how is it selfish? and if it is, what is wrong with being selfish for 3 days out of god knows how many spent looking after other people?

I've been away for short breaks without my children, probably not in the last 5 years, I think it's really important. Look at it as personal enrichment that helps you come back a happier person, all stuff that children will benefit from.

oh you really must go. it's THREE days. life is just too short.

thefunkypea · 13/02/2008 10:51

Don't get the whole guilt thing - if you had your dc at 18 and you haven't had a chance to do all the stuff that most of us take for granted, you are totally entitled to take one long weekend out to something that's just about you

go go GO!!!!!!!

Vacua · 13/02/2008 10:52

feel inexplicably sad that you might miss this opportunity

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 10:52

But my kids deserve a holiday too, so it would be selfish really I supose.

It is alot of money to spend just on me really, and yep as someone said,. I would feel guilty for indulging myself, i think anyway, have never indulged myself LOL.

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Vacua · 13/02/2008 10:57

but the kind of holiday a child would enjoy is so different from this, and they do find lots of enjoyment in life generally

but it's important that you feel comfortable and maybe you can start planning the family holiday instead, you just sounded so wistful and hopeful further up the thread

Vacua · 13/02/2008 10:57

and the best thing is that life gives us LOTS of opportunities so maybe you can seize the next one that comes along

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 10:59

I do a bit Vacua, as I admit 3 days to not have to worry about any little people and learn to have a bit of fun does sound good, but at the end of the day I have responsibilities here.

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LIZS · 13/02/2008 10:59

agree with vacua, can you find a short break somewhere - caravan , holiday park, b and b perhaps - and put a deposit down so you have something to look forward to ? There's vouchers in the DM today for cheap train travel if it helps.

bundle · 13/02/2008 11:00

I don't think going woudl be selfish

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:01

Yep maybe I will do that instead.

If I am honest, the thought of a holiday with the kids doesn't excite me as much, but I know they would enjoy it so i'd get enjoyment out of that.

I probably won't get the chance again tbh, as my life isn't really like that. I don't really have many friends which is why I never even go on nights out nevermind a weekend away.

My friend wants me to ask my family to contribute towards it as a pressie for my 30th, but I know they won't because my parents don't think I should go.

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Blossomhill · 13/02/2008 11:02

Are you mad woman GO!

FFS you only live once and I think you need a break. I would be there like a shot if it was me.

I still go clubbing every 2 months or so at 33 and I probably will for a few years yet

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:03

Tbh as much as I love my kids and would like to take them away, I can't help thinking that it would just be another week of me not getting a break 24/7, and possibly even more stressful than being at home.

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bundle · 13/02/2008 11:03

holidays with kids is not a holiday for you. and you know that. i've been away a few times - once work (but lots of nice meals in evenings, with really good friend) and a few times with dh - inlaws/my mum looked after the dds.

i think it's important to have a bit of (call it selfish i you like) me-time

thefunkypea · 13/02/2008 11:04

Not wish to pry too much, but how feasible would it be to do both (short break w dc and hen do to Spain)?

Another thought - can you ask your friend if you can go out somewhere nice for a private hen do, you know, dinner, cocktails, that kind of thing - you may find there are a few other people who were invited on the full blown Spain trip who always can't make it cos of time and money.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/02/2008 11:04

I knew you'd say go BH

Nevermind, perhaps i'll go away when I am 40, kids will be almost grown ups then, plus i'd have 10 years to put the money away LOL.

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