Did your dh/df ask your father for permission to marry you?

[MsHighwater]

I can't get over how many women I know not only whose other half did this but who EXPECTED them to do it.

I've been married 5 years. I'd have been furious if my dh had done it. Am I in the minority?

My dh didn't. Fortunately really as when I told my parents I was getting married they came over all victorian and forbade it.

my BIL asked my parents when he proposed to my sister - but that was nearly 30 years ago and she was only 18 at the time.

DH (to be at the time!) and I just turned up at my parents' and told them we were getting married - didn't cross eother of our minds that he should ask for permission since we both lived in our own homes and were past 30

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
No he didn't, and if he had I'd have told him where to go. My dad didn't walk me down the aisle, either. I was 38 and hadn't lived with my dad since I was 15 - and noone was going to "give" me to anyone!

DH did it and won my father's heart thereby.

It's only respect. Wouldn't your DH be happy if your future son in law came and asked for his daughter's hand in marriage?

Why would you be furious?

what a strange way to carry on. nowt as queer as folk.

No, he just got me pregnant

Fait Accompli.

Dh did it - had no idea he had done it or was going to do it - he told me he had to work at the weekend - he went off to work and I thought it was wierd so called him at work - he was there - ( he says he knew I would call to check he had gone to work) after my call he got in the car and drove 1 hour to my M&D - Mum was away - he spent the morning with dad swore him to secrecy.

we went away on holiday he proposed came back and told M&D and they never mentioned that he had seen dad until Dh bought it up

I think for some people it's all part of the culture of getting married and just another cog in the clock of strange rituals which the whole thing entails. It's just a respectful way of asking to be taken into the family.

I didn't do it, but I understand if people do. After all, the whole thing is a daft ritual when you look at it from outside - dressing up in a morning suit/meringue, swapping rings, the formality of the toasts and the speeches...

Erm............because I don't belong to my dad any more than my children belong to me, it's not about respect it's about a (so I thought) long dead patriarchal load of old S*e, and if I was a man noone would have been expected to ask anyone's permission to marry me.

No - my parents didn't even know that DH existed before I phoned and told them I was going to be getting married. Their first question was

"Who to"

No. We eloped.

dh did, and i would expect dd's future dh to do so.
shows respect, and a desire tobe part of a family.. its a givent that permission will be given. tis only a formality. but tis a formality that can build plenty of bridges.

I told DH not to, if he happened to be thinking abotu popping the qu. I thought my Dad would say 'ask her mother' . In his speech at the wedding my dad said 'if N hadn't popped the question he would have asked him how much he wanted' .

Exactly - it's one of many old-fashioned formalities around the whole procedure of marriage, one which some people do and others don't. The whole thing is a pick'n'mix selection of traditions thee days, so to criticise someone for doing it is a bit like criticising their choice of hymn or the way they did the seating plan.

LOL, because at 32 with a child of our own, my father would have wondered what sort of weird old fashioned son in law his grown up independent daughter was marrying. If he'd been alive, he'd have asked me if I really wanted to marry someone who thought he had to ask permission from anyone except me!

No he didn't. He asked me. Which is bloody sensible really.

Maybe OP would have been furious because although lots of marriage is seeped in odd rituals much of it has roots which can be judged accordingly.

So.

Asking my dad, is about being owned and given - I wouldn't be given away either.

Rings - erm something to do with continous circle/eternity? that sounds ok.
Also on more practical note - visiable sign of being in commited relationship, again that's ok - not necessary but ok for me.

Yes,dh did as he felt it was the right thing to do,although that was 16 years ago so I guess things have changed alot since then.

DH did, because he knew it was important to my dad. It was not so much asking for permission (as we knew he had no objections and even if he had we would have gone ahead), more of a courtesy thing.

Dad was really chuffed, and had a little weep.

I'm starting to feel bad that I didn't!

That all sounded a grumpy didn't it

Sorry, shouldn't have, its all this short sentences malarky!

Anecdotally its ok to question all sorts about marriage, (hymns/rings/favours)including why to do it at all!

COurse I wouldn't actually in rl, each to their own etc. but on here.......... Bring it on!

I made dh go on a tour of my family asking each member for permission. But only to get my own back after his very amusing proposal.

My mother did ask him 'and how are you planning to support my daughter in the manner to which she should be accustomed' but only after she'd said 'take her, please'!

DH asked my parents separately (they're split), and then asked my Nan as I had lived with her until I was 4. I could have happily married him purely for the fact that he'd gone and asked my Nan, I was so touched .

I see it as more a question of asking to join the family than a question of permission.