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Original poster

Did your dh/df ask your father for permission to marry you?

69 replies

MsHighwater · 22/01/2008 22:54

I can't get over how many women I know not only whose other half did this but who EXPECTED them to do it.

I've been married 5 years. I'd have been furious if my dh had done it. Am I in the minority?

OP posts:
mm22bys · 23/01/2008 07:16

No because I asked DH to marry me!

bucksmum · 23/01/2008 07:21

Dh asked me first and I jokingly said yes as long as its ok with my Dad! He went and asked him just because we knew my dad would like it (obviously if he had said no we still would have done it!) We then announced it to both sets of parents at the smae time and after the stunned silence my mum turned on my dad and said did you know about this!

WaynettaSlob · 23/01/2008 07:25

Yes - it was quite amusing really, because he had to do it over the phone, and he NEVER phones my family (just cause he never phones anyone)
so, he phones my parents. My Mum, who is an habitual worrier, answers the phone.
DH: Hello Waynetta's Mum, can I speak to Waynetta's Dad please
Mum: Why? what's happened? Has she been hurt?
DH: No, she's fine, just want to talk to her dad
Mum: Are you sure? Why do you want to talk to him
etc
etc
Eventually Dad gets on the phone (with Mum standing on top of him!)

It's funny how people feel about being 'given away'. DH and I paid for most of our own wedding; we were 30, both owned our own homes, and didn't feel right asking for our parents to do it.
Yet I wouldn't have dreamed of walking up the aisle without my Dad.
(and I made a speech at my wedding, so hardly traditonal)

ScienceTeacher · 23/01/2008 07:25

My DH asked my dad.

laura032004 · 23/01/2008 07:33

DH asked my dad, but I was only 18, and he was 20. Perhaps if I was 30, living with DF and had a child, it would have been different. Obv, my dad said yes! It wasn't cloak and dagger though - I listened in on the phonecall!

As an aside, when my dad asked my grandad if he could marry my mum, he said yes, but you do know she is already engaged to somebody else? Not actually sure if he did at that point!!

Lulumama · 23/01/2008 07:40

DH asked my mum and dad, but it was a fait accompli as he had already proposed, and i had accepted and we had looked at a date to get married on ! quite sweet really. both my parents walked me down the aisle which was lovely

hanaflower · 23/01/2008 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoghornLeghorn · 23/01/2008 08:01

My DH did and I think it was a lovely thing to do.
We were going out for a meal on our anniversary of being together for 5 years, DH went to my mum & dad's place of work, sat them down and asked them. My Dad gave DH money to buy a bottle of champers but DH cacked it, didn't ask me when we were at dinner, we were driving home and he knew he'd have to do it before we got home so he told me on the motorway that there was something wrong with the tyre of the car, we stopped in a pub carpark and he asked me there .

lilmissmummy · 23/01/2008 08:03

I like these old fashioned traditions though- My DP asked my dad even though we live together and I have 2 children from another relationship. It is like I would never dream of wearing anything other than a variation of white although I am pretty sure that everyone in the world could work out that I am not a virgin!

It made my Dad's day especially as DP took Dad to a Bruce Springstein concert (free tickets from work but hey!)

colditz · 23/01/2008 08:03

Hell NO!

I too would have been furious. I am not a car to take out for a ride. I am not a feeble minded child. I am my own person and how DARE anyone treat me like I have no rights or free will of my own?! Woman is no longer synonymous with property.

FoghornLeghorn · 23/01/2008 08:06

We also owned our own home and had a 6 month old baby at the time.
I didn't expect him to but now I think it's lovely that he did.

PippiCalzelunghe · 23/01/2008 08:32

DH did it the first time he met them, twice as they are divorced. He had to do it in a different language as well reading from a piece of paper I wrote for him. I was already pg and we are both in our 30s, living in our own places in a different country.

No one expected him to do it, I had said yes already, and we would have done it anyway. DH thought it was a nice thing to do. It won my dad's heart (although he replied 'No, it is not me that should decide!' with a smirk and a sparkle in his eye). Dad was really chuffed, and was speechless for a while.

Hulababy · 23/01/2008 08:32

No, DH didn't. And I didn't expect him too either.

I wouldn't have been cross, certainly not furious, just bemused had he asked my dad first.

hertsnessex · 23/01/2008 08:34

my DH asked my dad, i thought it was really sweet and traditional and showed some respect.

hertsnessex · 23/01/2008 08:37

i knew dh was asking my dad - we had already talked about it etc

TheGiftedandTalentedGoat · 23/01/2008 08:41

obviously dh had to ask in order to negotiate the dowry of 5 goats and a milking cow.

a good price for a mere chattel i thought.

PippiCalzelunghe · 23/01/2008 08:48

talking of dowry afterwards my dad sent DH a postcard with some sheeps in it thanking him for them.

ajandjjmum · 23/01/2008 08:49

My dh did, and the whole thing of trying to arrange a 'quiet chat' has become one of our amusing family stories.

A few years ago now though - nearly 24!

GooseyLoosey · 23/01/2008 08:54

My dad is as mad as a box of frogs - the thought of him being approached to make any decision about my life is frankly horrifying. Now my mother, thats a different issue and while dh did not ask her, he certainly schmoozed her - sadly she was (and is) immune to his charms!

indiechick · 23/01/2008 09:18

No, that would have involved finding him first, he left when I was a kid.
Have since met up with father and he's turned out to be really nice, pity it's taken him 20+ years to get his act together.

morningpaper · 23/01/2008 09:25

I think it's a horrible idea and my DD's boyfriends did it, they would leave with an armful of feminist literature which I would test them on at a later date

hopefully they will be lesbians

PortAndLemon · 23/01/2008 09:26

Many of DH's friends did; he didn't. I would have been... not furious, but certainly mildly pissed off if he had (I do tend to side with the "patriarchal load of old tripe" side of the argument). DH wasn't marrying me, we were marrying each other, and no one would have expected me to go and ask any member of his family for permission.

My father did walk me down the aisle and make a speech, because I thought it would mean a lot to him, but didn't "give me away".

Maveta · 23/01/2008 09:29

My dh didn't ask permission but we did (after asking me) go to my parents to tell them and he did ask for their blessing. The poor guy didn't speak english very well at that time and was practicing and practicing what to say and when he finally got it out he teared up with the stress of it all and subsequent relief poor lad. but my dad was pleased as punch. tbh he only did it because my BIL had already set the standard or it's not something that would have really occurred to either of us. But you know, got to keep up with each other!

And I walked up the aisle with my dad but didn't see it as him giving me away, more a symbolic action that roles were changing, not just a daughter but now a wife/partner etc. I think nowadays you can see the traditions as you want to, I mean I don't believe all the women who were white are actually virgins or that they veils they wear and flowers they carry will stop evil spirits

DaDaDa · 23/01/2008 09:29

It never occurred to me. We'd been living over the brush for 9 years by then, so he can't have been expecting to get her back anyway!

Maveta · 23/01/2008 09:30

ahem. WEAR white.

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