How much do you expect your babysitter to do?

[unicorn]

Just curious, as tonight I agreed to babysit for some neighbours (who I know reasonably well.. but don't know the kids quite so well (age 6+3).

Anyhow, the kids were still up when I arrived - and mum told me that they watch a video til its finished and then I read them stories each.
Also was to put nappy on 3 yr old.. and put them to bed.

Tbqh I was a bit put out, as I have my own kids to do that for - and as a sahm I don't relish even more 'kiddy time' at night.
I expected the bedtime routine would be done by parent... and babysitter left to, well sit.

NB.. This was a favour,so she will return it... but there is no way I would expect a babysitter to do the same with my 2... unless that is I was paying that person, and they knew my kids very well.

Just wondered what you all do?

It's funny because I' m dubious about anyone else putting ds to bed except my mum who looks after him regularly anyway - but when I was a teenager/at university I did the whole routine and more regularly for people, some I knew, some I didn't, and the kids were always fine and happy and went to bed - even little toddlers. I actually enjoyed playing with them and reading to them. Makes me think ought to try out some nice teenage babysitters for ds. Kids are suckers for a young, pretty face anyway!

I wouldn't ask someone to do a nappy. If it's a friend who knows her well I would ask them to read her a story - and in fact if friends are round just before dd1's bedtime I usually ask them to read a story anyway - and gether into bed. Not dd2.

I would be completely happy to do anything that needed doing - if the parents went out before the kids bedtime I would expect to put them to bed, (inc bath if that is part of the routine and helps the children feel secure) and am not sure what the problem is with putting a nappy on! I don't think I'd be babysitting for anyone who's kids i didn't feel I know well enough to do all that.

Jools - "the caring of them should be done by the parents"?

Always? What about kids who are in daycare? What about during the day when the parent may have a doctor's appointment? It's not always feasible for a parent to look after the kids 24/7 (nor is that ideal IMO).

I don't understand why people have a problem with a paid babysitter (or a reciprocal babysitting agreement) actually doing some childcare.

My 2.5 year old needs a dry nappy just before she goes to bed or else she would be soaking in the morning. What's wrong with a babysitter changing her nappy?

As someone who babysat regularly and uses a babysitter now i have to say I'm quite shocked by how much some of you expect your sitters to do, esp if they are teenagers!

When I babysat I did do a lot of the child's care (tea, baths etc.) but the parents knew i was the eldest in a big family and took advantage of my experience. TBH I always felt they took the p**s a little, but for complicated reasons found i couldn't refuse (until the dad started stalking me, anyway..).

As a result I now make sure we pay £5 per hour and that DD is bathed and in bed. I certainly wouldn't expect them to clean my kitchen or do my ironing (even for extra money). A baby sitter is not usually a proper childcarer

Our babysitters have always been fully qualified nannies/ nursery workers who are wanting to earn a bit extra money in their evenings, hence the high charges and responsible role.

lordy, it's amazing what gets controversial on MN these days...

I enjoyed babysitting. I have bumped into the adults I used to babysit for when I was 16 - 21 and they had very fond memories too, which is fantastic. It was a chance to play with kids long before I was ready to have any myself. I did hairdressing, lego space stations, books, homework, watching home-made plays and gymnastic displays, playing hopscotch, all sorts. Never felt remotely exploited. Happily took the cash for a pleasant evening. I think it actually helped that I had no kids of my own as it was an engaging novelty for me to look after children, not more of the same old, same old. Plus lots of energy of course. I just don't see why this was at all wrong. I think the person hiring the babysitter should ideally make clear what might be expected, but after that it's a private deal between two individuals IMO.

When I used to babysit as a kid, I usually did have to put them to bed. In fact I remember one particularly memorable day when I was 17, looking after 2 small children (aged 5 and 3) for an entire day! I had to do lunch, tea, get them ready for bed. And feed the dog too. I remember taking the kids ice-skating! Looking back, it seems outrageous, but at the time I really enjoyed it, and liked 'playing mummy'. True, when I came back from skating the dog had pooed all over the kitchen, but I didn't feel my duties extended to clearing it up! I wouldn't ask a teenager to do that now, and I don't think I would dare take a 5 year old and a 3 year old ice skating either now!

I used to look after kids all day too. We all had a great time. I used to look after a family of three kids quite often.

So did I. All day and half the night. In fact, I'm going to one of their's wedding in January!

And her sister (and her) quite often babysit for my 2 now.

Thinking about it, it was really good experience, and I did know how to change nappies, give bottles, bath small children when I had ds and dd.

I think it's good for teenagers and young people to look after children. What tortoiseshell says is right - in practical terms, at least you know what one looks like when you have your own.

Although, I obviously didn't remember it all - when the paediatrician looked at DS about five hours after he was born, on the way out, he said "the baby's absolutely fine, but just one thing, his nappy is actually on the wrong way round. The pattern goes at the front".

I'd wondered why it had got so bloody difficult to change a nappy!

Lots of opinions here!!

Can I just add that this same neighbour has 'sat' for me just once - she arrived late (she had said she could make 8 - arrived at 8.30) and was asleep on the sofa, when we got back home (11pm).

So this doesn't feel a reciprocal arrangement, and probably why I am a little put out!!!

(I would only use her now if I really had to - and chances are she wouldn't be available anyway.)

We don't go to the theatre in the evening at the mo because dd is still a bit young and antsy at bedtime (15 months). If there is anything we are desperate to see we get family in to cover for a matinee so they don't have to do bedtime.
I too had sole care of and put to bed tribes of littlies when I was a clueless but well-meaning teen. Babysitting gaffes included nappy on wrong way round, administration of bedtime bottle straight from fridge and worst of all, telling two little cherubs whose parents were extremely devout former missionaries all about my current teen craze, ASTROLOGY. I had no idea it would upset the mum and dad so much, obviously.
I think there is a difference between babysitting circle type reciprocal sitting, and paying a sitter. If doing the former, I wouldn't mind all the bedtime routine as long as I was forewarned and so were the children. But I'd be unhappy to just have it foisted on me. If the latter, I'd put up and shut up, but might find my diary too full for any rematches if it was a nightmare...
Miranda, I'd definitely offer extra £££ for ironing. Do show her how to use it though. Our fab babysitter didn't seem to realise there are variable heat settings on them (she tackled it unasked bless her) and ironed everything cold and completely fruitlessly.
She did loads of sitting and her best gig was where she was expected

1. To do loads of ironing for no extra cash
2. Only eat the yogurt and fruit provided for a six-hour stint
3. Lie to the husband as to the wife's whereabouts when he rang up She was also once booked to just sit with the children in the basement den for a couple of hours while the husband and wife went upstairs for some afternoon delight. Different couples, obviously.

Agree almost entirely with Unicorn. In the situation that Unicorn describes I would be prepared to read a book and change a nappy, but would not want or think its fair to spend the evening `entertaining' children who should be in bed.

If you pay for a babysitter then I think, as someone has already said, communication is the key. Rate of pay to be dependant on the amount of work involved.

It is important in both scenarios that no-one feels put upon and quite frankly if I had to spend all night chasing toddlers round the room (without prior notice) I think that is taking the p*ss - and I certainly wouldn't do it again!

But merlot, that was all unicorn was expected to do, wasn't it?

From her original post: "Anyhow, the kids were still up when I arrived - and mum told me that they watch a video til its finished and then I read them stories each. Also was to put nappy on 3 yr old.. and put them to bed."

I think you've hit the nail on the head, unicorn, in that your neighbour obviously doesn't have the same view of the requirements of babysitting as you!

We always used to get the children to sleep before we went out, but as they've got older that's just not practical. I always ask any potential babysitter if they'd be prepared to read a story, so that the children have seen them and are happy.

We haven't been out any earlier than 7.30 for a long time, so the children are always ready for bed when we go out (baby goes to bed at 7pm, so is asleep), but if we had to, I would spell out exactly what I needed the babysitter to do, again so there was no misunderstandings. From other people's postings, it seems there will be people out there willing to do the whole bedtime routine and others who won't want to, so good communication seems to be the key.

KATG - perhaps the wrong words there - don't take me literally!

I just recall from when mine were little, we had a baby sitting circle which worked very well but no-one expected that the baby sitter would get the children ready for bed. (Obviously if there was a baby who needed feeding and changing we would do that) but as for bathing and the like - no it wasn't expected at all!

JT, I agree that bathing would be asking a lot of a sitter. My two don't get a bath every night. If they really need one on an evening when I'm going out I'll bathe them before I leave.

Personally I wouldn't expect my babysitter to cook, clean, iron (I don't do that myself anyway ), tidy up, bathe the kids or do any kind of complicated project with them.

I pay my babysitters well (4 or 5 pounds an hour), which is a lot of money for my regular sitter who's only 14. She is thrilled when I ask her to babysit.

All that Unicorn was expected to do was read a story, put a nappy on the 3 year old and put them in bed at their usual bedtime. I know I'm in the minority here, but that doesn't sound like too much to ask of a sitter.

A child-free colleague (to whom I would not entrust a pot plant) regularly babysits for 4 young boys. I asked him how on earth he gets them all to bed and asleep and he said 'easy, I just say, ooh, lets all go and eat ice cream in bed!'

he sounds fantastic! A wicked uncle, what joy!