Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

How much do you expect your babysitter to do?

84 replies

unicorn · 27/11/2004 00:41

Just curious, as tonight I agreed to babysit for some neighbours (who I know reasonably well.. but don't know the kids quite so well (age 6+3).

Anyhow, the kids were still up when I arrived - and mum told me that they watch a video til its finished and then I read them stories each.
Also was to put nappy on 3 yr old.. and put them to bed.

Tbqh I was a bit put out, as I have my own kids to do that for - and as a sahm I don't relish even more 'kiddy time' at night.
I expected the bedtime routine would be done by parent... and babysitter left to, well sit.

NB.. This was a favour,so she will return it... but there is no way I would expect a babysitter to do the same with my 2... unless that is I was paying that person, and they knew my kids very well.

Just wondered what you all do?

OP posts:
KateandtheGirls · 28/11/2004 19:05

No, I don't think it was harsh at all actually. In my mind, babysitting is the same thing as childminding in that it involves taking care of kids.

I wouldn't expect kids that age to be in bed by 7:30. Mine usually are but I think that's unusual.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to sit and watch the telly, but if I wanted to do that I wouldn't babysit! (Or I would tell the parents in advance that you'd be happy to do it once the kids are in bed, but you don't want to have to put other people's kids to bed as you have enough on your own plate.)

KateandtheGirls · 28/11/2004 19:08

I do make it as easy as possible for the babysitter when I'm out. I think that's fair enough. For example, I'll order pizza for them if it's dinnertime - I wouldn't expect the sitter to cook, and the kids can watch videos as much as they'd like. I even let them go to bed with cups of milk (whereas usually they're only allowed water after they've brushed their teeth).

Yorkiegirl · 28/11/2004 19:11

Message withdrawn

bonkerz · 28/11/2004 19:12

just thought id add that im a childminder and i also offer a baby sitting service! I get paid alot of money and when i arrive at 7pm the children are always in bed and most of the time they are asleep. I do tidy up any toys or wash up if there is any to do and then i veg out infront of the tv checking on the kids every so often!!!

I wouldnt mind if i had to put children to bed but i do feel that my job is being a sitter and im there incase of emergencies!!

WigWamBam · 28/11/2004 19:33

I don't personally agree that babysitting is the same as childminding. I have never asked any babysitter to do any more than be in the house in case of emergency, and I don't consider it is anyone else's job but my own to do the bath/bed time routine. My dd has always been in bed (and usually asleep) before dh and I go anywhere, and I certainly wouldn't expect a baby sitter to wash up or tidy the toys away, as bonkerz says she does! Although it has to be said, I have only ever used my mother and my sister as babysitters, so they are unpaid apart from having food and drink laid on for them.

Roisin · 28/11/2004 19:35

My dh works a lot of evenings, so we use babysitters a lot, and what they have to do depends on the ages/bedtimes of the children at the time. Sometimes it's very little, sometimes it's far more. I would never put the children to bed early because a babysitter was coming.

I don't babysit for other people at all now though, as I want to spend the evening with dh on the rare occasions when he is actually here!

When I was a (young) teenager though, I generally used to expect some of the children to be up, and do bedtime routines, stories, etc. I also used to do any washing up that was around, or ironing ... What an idealistic young fool!

KateandtheGirls · 28/11/2004 19:44

Those of you who always put the kids to bed before a babysitter comes over:

Do you never go out earlier in the evening? Do you make plans around the kids' bedtimes (or at least the earliest you would be able to get them in bed)? What if you have an appointment, at say 6pm?

KateandtheGirls · 28/11/2004 20:11

Anyone?

WigWamBam · 28/11/2004 20:14

Kate, no, we don't go out earlier in the evening, unless we know we will be back for dd's bedtime. No-one else except me or dh has ever done the bath/bed routine. We won't make arrangements for anything until after she has gone to bed for the simple reason that we don't think it's fair on either her or the sitter for someone else to have to put her to bed. Obviously if only one of us has to go out then they go - we have just never felt comfortable expecting anyone else to do the bathing/pooing/supper/bed routine. We would never agree to an appointment that meant both of us being out between 6pm and 7.30. That's just the way we have chosen to do things and as we don't actually get out together all that often, it has never been a problem for us.

KangaMummy · 28/11/2004 20:17

we were invited to a function in london last saturday night but didn't go as DS would not be ready for bed by then.

We would had to leave home soon after 6pm.

If we have somewhere to go in evening and it was suitable he would come too.

Like when we go to parents evening at his school he comes too and spends time in library, reading or drawing or talking to his friends. LAst time it was at 7.30pm.

He is usually in bed by then but it is easier for him to come too as we are only there 30 mins. Not worth a babysitter.

KateandtheGirls · 28/11/2004 20:18

Thank you WWB. Fair enough.

I guess as a single parent I don't have the same flexibility as a 2 parent family may have.

Also, I'd go insane if I had to do bedtime myself every single night. And the simple fact is that they are much better behaved and go to bed much more willingly for anyone else other than me!

Dior · 28/11/2004 20:18

Message withdrawn

KateandtheGirls · 28/11/2004 20:19

Thank you KM, as well.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 28/11/2004 20:37

Kate, I don't go out earlier than 8.00 (children in bed by 7.30). As I mentioned earlier, we do have a theatre event in a couple of months, around which I will need to reschedule bedtime.

We get to go out maybe once every couple of months and I found having a babysitter put them to bed was REALLY disruptive to their routine (ds1 3, ds2 1) - they didn't settle well for the sitter and were very unsettled for a few nights after.

If we had family or close friends nearby who were able to babysit, then we could get into a routine of "Aunty ***" coming over and putting them to bed which they get used to. Unfortunately we don't and the people that do babysit, I can't ask too often, so we can't get into a routine!

It would be lovely to go out more often and earlier (central London theatre is relatively close, but you need to be out of our door by 6.30pm latest), but its not feasible at the moment. I do live in hope .

In relation to the original post by Unicorn, I think its fine to have arrangements where the babysitter does bedtime etc, but the sitter does need to be made aware that that is what is expected and not have it dumped on them.

miranda2 · 28/11/2004 20:50

Ds goes to bed at 7.30, so if I want to go to the theatre, or (more often) have an evening meeting and dh is away, then the sitter has to put him to bed - I generally get him in pjs and leave him with the sitter wiht instructions to read him a story and put him to bed.

oN the title of the thread, but a bit of a tangent - if I'm paying a teenager £10 to babysit for the evening, do you think it would be reasonable, or outrageously cheeky, to ask them if they would rather just do that, or get £15 and do some ironing too?? This idea occured to me the other night and I thought I'd check it out...

JJ · 28/11/2004 20:53

KatG, maybe it's an American thing? My kids are always up when the babysitter comes, but that's part of the appeal for me, as you mentioned.

But our babysitters have usually been the boys' nannies (part time, but still). It's good to know that people don't usually expect them to put the kids to bed; I'm looking for someone now (we have one come once a week on Wed or Thurs), so will make sure it's clear that I expect her to put them to bed. The hourly rate is the same (or has been more) than the rate I pay them during the day.

Does that sound fair?

JJ · 28/11/2004 20:54

Miranda2, sorry cross posted with you. I think it'd be fine for you to offer 15 GBP to do the ironing! But do it as a one off, so if it doesn't work out, you don't have to explain to her about it, iyswim.

tortoiseshell · 28/11/2004 21:05

All our babysitters have put kids to bed - they go quite late (8-8.30), so I would make sure they are in pyjamas, teeth brushed, nappies changed etc. I wouldn't expect them to give a bath, but I don't think a couple of goodnight stories is a problem. Especially because it prevents them freaking out if they wake up and babysitter goes up to them - they know they're there. I would always take a mobile phone in case they have real problems getting them to bed. If it was a friend babysitting then I would ask them whether they minded putting them to bed, and this is usually fine - we reciprocate the favour.

KateandtheGirls · 28/11/2004 21:19

Miranda, the babysitter would probably be thrilled to have the chance to earn some extra money. Definotely worth asking her.

Hulababy · 28/11/2004 21:25

Whenever I babysat as a teenager/in my 20s for people I always expected to do the bedtime routine - saw it as part of the "job". If I was ever asked to babysit now then I would expect to too. Payment or no payment I'm afraid. Maybe I am out of touch, as I have only ever had grandparents to babysit DD as yet and they do everything for DD from the minute they arrive - including watching her and playing with her whilst I get ready. Wouldn't expect a sitter to do that bit though!

CarrieG · 29/11/2004 02:17

Surely communication is the key? Got home an hour ago & ds had had a lovely evening with the babysitters by all accounts - BUT we know we were asking a lot (5pm - 1am, nappies & feeding) & it sort of balances out with us trekking over to their place for 7 nights on the trot to feed their cats when they go on holiday!

Basically they're good enough friends that if they felt we were 'taking liberties', we'd know about it, & vice versa. Think unicorn's neighbour was taking the p*ss a bit if she didn't make her fully aware that she'd be doing the full bedtime routine - especially if this was a one off favour & not a reciprocal arrangement!

crunchie · 29/11/2004 09:19

I don't often have to go out before the bedtime routine, my kids rae usually in bed around 7.30 ish. However if I had a babysitter (I am part of a circle) I would expect my kids to be pyjamaed at whatever time, and ready for bed. However they are now old enough not to have nappies. I wouldn't think it was too much to expect TBH

PicadillyCircus · 29/11/2004 09:32

I'd never really thought about this before.

DS is 1 and DH and I haven't been out on our own very much since he was born...and most of those times he has been asleep before we left.

My sister has put him to bed and given him supper a couple of times, but she did know exactly what she was expected to do and so I don't see a problem with it.

I think I'm surprised that some people don't ever go out before their child's bedtime but I think that at the moment, DS doesn't mind too much who puts him to bed as long as he has Boris (the all important bear) with him

JoolsToo · 29/11/2004 09:56

sit whilst the kids are in bed.

the caring of them should be done by the parents - not you! Fair enough if they wake up and want a story but otherwise I would expect them to be at least ready for bed if not in it!

TurnAgainCat · 29/11/2004 10:02

We must be a freaky family then! I often go out early in order to get to theatre/ cinema/ dinner, ds goes to bed at 9 pm, and we don't have a TV. My babysitters are always happy to give ds dinner (which I make in advance), play with him, supervise his bath, and tuck him up in bed with a story. I know that they are happy with this job because they keep agreeing to come back and babysit him, and ds and I generally become very friendly and informal with the babysitters over time. If I did not trust a babysitter to supervise his bath, then I would not trust that person to babysit at all. OTOH, this is all at central London rates of pay, not just a favour for a friend, or it's my parents who are very close to ds.

Swipe left for the next trending thread