How much do you expect your babysitter to do?

[unicorn]

Just curious, as tonight I agreed to babysit for some neighbours (who I know reasonably well.. but don't know the kids quite so well (age 6+3).

Anyhow, the kids were still up when I arrived - and mum told me that they watch a video til its finished and then I read them stories each.
Also was to put nappy on 3 yr old.. and put them to bed.

Tbqh I was a bit put out, as I have my own kids to do that for - and as a sahm I don't relish even more 'kiddy time' at night.
I expected the bedtime routine would be done by parent... and babysitter left to, well sit.

NB.. This was a favour,so she will return it... but there is no way I would expect a babysitter to do the same with my 2... unless that is I was paying that person, and they knew my kids very well.

Just wondered what you all do?

That's why I love having my parents babysit - because they want to do all the putting to bed shower, story, nappy stuff. If I have to do all this before I go out I'm only fit for in front of the telly.

I wouldn't expect a friend to do it though - they have to do their own kids.

If it's anyone other than my parents babysitting, I always make sure that dd is ready for bed before we go out. However, now that she is almost 7, it is rare that she will actually be in bed by the time we go out so the the sisters that usually sit for us will read her a story - when she was younger though she was usually in bed and asleep before the babysitter even arrived.

no I wouldn't expect a babysitter to do that (unless it was my mum and even then I'd try to make sure DS was in bed asleep). I think that's a bit much TBH

I wouldn't expect a baby sitter to do most of that unicorn and neither do Sitters, the babysitting agency we use. They state quite clearly that children should pretty much be in bed before the sitter gets there. So nappy changing is definitely not expected although I don't think reading a story is that unreasonable. We usually book a sitter from 7pm when we aren't going out until 8pm and the one we have had a couple of times has offered to read ds a story so we've taken her up on it but I wouldn't expect her to put either of them to bed.

I have cut & pasted a section from our baby sitting circle constitution that covers this:

 Try to get your children into bed before the sitter arrives, or as ready for bed as possible.
 The baby sitter must not bath your children and should not be expected to do so.
 Never leave a sick child to be baby sat.
 The baby sitter must not give medication to your children and should not be expected to do so.
 Leave instructions about what your children are allowed and are not allowed, and about what they like to have/do to comfort them if they become distressed.

So while we accept that sometimes sits start at a time when children might not be in bed, we aim to make it as easy for them as possible. Whenever I've had children who are still up, I've been warned in advance.

oooh, they were bullet points when I cut & paste!

I'd completely agree with you Unicorn .. i would expect kids to be asleep in bed before baby=sitting for a friend .. unless we'd talked about it earlier and they were going to theatre and they'd been incredibly apologetic and begging

Unicorn - just curious.....what time did you arrive at friend's place? Were the kids up past their normal bedtime? Agree it does sound as if you were taken advantage of.

My babysiters must hate me then. I would make sure they were in bed if a friend/teenager was doing it, but when we used to use girls from dd's nursery they would bring her home, give her tea, bath her and pur her to bed. It meant dh and I could have a decent night out straight from work (I must stress we rarely went out - it wasn't like there were days every week when we wouldn't see dd at all in the evening)

always (the v. rare times we get a babysitter) make sure they are in bed and pref asleep before we leave the house. i wouldn't babysit for a friend if they expected me to do the bedtime routine.

I think unless it was a prior agreed date such as Prufrock describes, with people who knew your kids really well who could settle them, it would be a nightmare for any babysitter if the children weren't asleep before they arrived. The excitement of having someone else in the house would mean they'd be up all night, surely? Or is that just my kids?!

I make sure mine are tucked up in bed fast asleep - it is asking too much of you.

I have theatre tickets booked for me and dh in a couple of months time. The show starts at 7.30, so we need to leave the house by 7.00 at the latest. I COULD ask my friend (who will be baby sitting) to do bedtime routine etc, but I feel like I would be imposing, so I'm planning to get the children up an hour and a half earlier that morning in the hope that I can trick them into a 6.30pm rather than 7.30pm bedtime!

I must be in the minority here, because to me that sounds like entirely reasonable expectations for a babysitter. I'm not sure it makes a difference whether or not it's a paid babysitter, if your friend is going to babysit for you in return.

My kids go to bed pretty early - usually by 7:30, and they're often in bed by the time the sitter comes. But sometimes she'll come during the day if I have an appointment. Sometimes it will be late afternoon into evening, in which case I would order a pizza for them and ask the babysitter to get them into their PJs (involves a nappy change) and put them in bed. I wouldn't ask her to bathe them, or even to read stories (but I'm sure my kids ask for a story before bed anyway).

If I was babysitting for a friend then depending on the starting time I would absolutely expect that to involve getting the kids to bed.

I'd say it depends if you return the favour?

eg. tomorrow night I'm going to dh's band's gig, which means leaving ds with friends from c.5pm to c.1am...so nappy changing etc goes with the territory...

...& we'll owe them one next time THEY both fancy a night out & leave their dd with us. I'm happy to do nappies, bath etc for friends' child so long as they & child are OK with it.

To me it all depends on the time the babysitter arrives and how old the children are. But unless it I was leaving a baby, I'd expect the babysitter to do more than sit.

For a baby, I'd do most of the routine and hopefully have the baby asleep. For a toddler, I'd do supper and bath and change but possibly not book or last drink. For a young child, bath, change but possibly not supper or bedtime story. For my 10 year old, supper, but nothing else as he can run a bath himself. But sometimes, if we want to go out early, I've asked our babysitter to heat up some food for the children as well.

I think by far the very worst thing for a babysitter must be a child who's been put to bed early by their parents and then wakes up full of beans when the babysitter is there. Surely much better if the child goes to bed at the normal time, even if the bzbysitter has to help with the routine?

If I was asking a friend to babysit a 3 and 6 year old, I would make sure the 3 year old had a clean nappy on, but expect the friend to be prepared to change nappies, as accidents happen. What your friend asked you to do sounds reasonable to me, as long as the children were tired and ready for bed after watching the video. And I am assuming you were round at 6 or 7 in the evening, not 9 or 10.

If i was making my own arrangements to go out I would arrange to go around 8, and make sure ds had his normal bedtime routine and was in bed - however i think it is also important for him to maintain a close relationship with his sitter. She and I both agree that some nights she should come earlier specifically to spend some time with ds (which they both enjoy) stories, bath, supper and lights out. This ensures that if ds does wake up, or get upset he is comfortable and reassured in her presence.

If my sitter is someone doing me a favour however, I would ask them in advance "would you prefer to spend time with ds or will i have him in bed?"

I arrived at 7.30pm...and was told that kids normal bedtime is 8.30pm ish (mum had to dash straight out.)
I was up with them until 8.45pm.. (the older child was trying it on a bit asking for more stories etc)

I guess it all depends on your routine, and how flexible your kids are with other people.

Nevertheless I just expected to blob out in front of the telly - and not have to get involved in another set of bedtime routines!!

I think the key here is communication Unicorn. Basically, you signed up for something different to what you got, which is why you're feeling a bit put out by it. I agree with whoever said parents need to tell babysitters what the routine will be, so that there aren't any unpleasant shocks! Of course, children waking up unexpectedly is always a possibility, but otherwise, babysitters should vaguely know what to expect before they come to the house.

Sorry, I think it's perfectly reasonable and would have no problem with that having level of involvement as a babysitter.

Funnily enough, when I was a teenage babysitter, I fully expected the kids to be up! Depending on the age of the kids and the time I arrived, I'd help with homework, supervise toothbrushing, hairbrushing, pjs etc, read lots of stories, build lego models, redecorate dolls houses, change the bed & child if they had an accident. Sometimes I'd cook and give supper. Then I'd flop on the sofa and eat my bodyweight in chocolate digestives.
Now I always get ds in bed and asleep before the babysitter arrives!

yes, definitely think you should have been told what to expect, Unicorn, especially as you were babysitting for a friend.

IMHO, if you wanted just to sit in front of the TV all night you shouldn't have agreed to babysit. Babysitting involves taking care of the children in the house. That's why people get paid to do it. If you got there an hour before the kids' bedtime you can't expect them to be in bed already.

I don't think your friend took advantage of you. (If she'd had the kids stay up late while you were there so that she could get a bit of a lie-in in the morning that would be a different story!)

bit harsh kate??...
I agreed to babysit - not childmind...I also got there at that time anticipating the kids would have been put to bed.
If I ask someone to babysit for me as a favour, I make it as easy and as comfortable as possible for them.
I don't expect them to get involved in my childrens nightime routines.
Of course if there are problems I would deal with them, but what's so wrong with expecting to sit and watch the telly?

If I agreed to babysit for a friend I would just do whatever they normal bedtime routine is ... I mean, what are friends for?
If I came at 7pm and the children don't normally go to bed till 8 I wouldn't expect them to put them to bed just for me ...
It all depends on what time I arrived and what time they normally do their stuff but it is no big deal to read to them and put them to bed is it??
On the other hand, when we go out (which is not often) we try to arrange to go out after DD is in bed (she goes down at 7pm) to make life easier for our friends. I will normally make sure that DS is ready in his pjs by the time they come so all that they need to do is tell him to go to bed when they want him to.
I have 3 good friends that babysit for me (I baby sit for them too) and all three are so lovely to DS, they love him to sit up with them and read to him and let him go to bed when he is ready.

I always make sure that DS is in his bed reading or room playing lego if we had a friend babysitting.

He will come down to say hello when friend arrives.

One tip, I would like to pass on from when I was a teenager and babysitting for a new family down the road. Anyway the little boy was about 2 years old he got very upset because I didn't know what his snuggly toy was and couldn't find it. Luckily he had an older brother that came home and he found it.

Moral of story is:

If your child has a favourite toy or blanket or cuddly then give it to the babysitter before leaving the house,

An upset toddler is not very easy to understand when talking about a toy by name which may not be an obvious name. eg. calling an elephant = FRED. I mean if it was Ellie the elephant that would be easier but how is the babysitter supposed to know who or what FRED is????