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Original poster

Should I move and give us all a fresh start ?

80 replies

nutcracker · 20/01/2008 22:11

I registered on a HA exchange site and someone is very very interested in swaping homes with me.

Basically i'd be swapping from a 4 bed to a 12mth old 3 bed about 20/30 min away by car. It is in a place that I know (roughly) and have always wanted to live. Trouble is, I don't drive so it actually makes it more like an hour away on public transport. That doesn't bother me, but I know it would upset my mum and annoy xp, who has literally just moved 2 min away from us.

As I said, I would be moving away from my mum who is currently my only family support, and also xp who I have nothing nice to say about at the moment, but he is the kids dad obviously.

I feel really really selfish for even considering it but at the same time I feel like I need to do it, I need a fresh start and 2 get some independance. Plus the house needs nothing at all doing to it, whereas mine needs lots doing, which I just cannot afford to do.

If I only had to consider myself then i'd not think twice but obviously I have the kids to think about.

I need to decide wether to take this any further and view the house ( have seen pics), and let the other person view mine. I don't want to mess anyone around.

OP posts:
lazarou · 20/01/2008 22:26

Yes, do it! It sounds like you need it.

ArmadilloDaMan · 20/01/2008 22:28

Make a list of every single positive and negative.

And remember you do what is best for you adn the kids. Your xp and mum are both adults.

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/01/2008 22:32

Tbh I couldn't give a monkeys what xp thinks.

I do worry that my mum will feel like I am being difficult and making things harder for me and the kids by being further away from any help, should I need it. She helps out alot with my kids, which she loves doing.

I do intend on learning to drive, and this would be made a priority if I did move.

I will make a list i think, that sounds like a good idea.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/01/2008 22:34

You've been thinking about this a long, long while, nutty.

So in your case, I'd say it might be a good thing for you IF you think you can manage w/o your mother's support so close by.

Has she got a car?

Will a lower rent mean you can take some driving lessons?

Remember, everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you.

Scramble · 20/01/2008 22:39

You say you wouldn't think twice but you are thinking about the kids. So think about the positives and negatives for them then and weigh them up. Think about the practical implications for them, it might not be that bad, and if you feel you need a fresh start I am sure if you are feeling better this will benefit them too. .

Go and view it, check out bus times and all the practical stuff, like where the kids would play, where are the shops, school etc Tru out journey times and generaly walk around the area, especially late evening to see where the dodgy teenagers hang out .

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:20

Might have hit a hitch with the one I posted about. The lady only has 2 kids, and then her partners 2, who stay of a weekend. I don't think my HA will allow them to have a 4 bed unless there is children of opposite sexes and large age gaps, so I am waiting for her to get back to me about that.

I have however just spotted another one which is in the same area I am in now but in the opposite direction of the kids school to our current house (roughly same distance), so a nice distance away from xp, but at the same time,not a huge distance from my mum.

I have sent them a message expressing my interest so it's a case of wait and see.

I personally would be pleased with either, but as you say, I need to weight up the pros and cons.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:21

Meant to add, my mum doesn't drive, and the rent on the further away one, is the same as what I pay now.

OP posts:
DontCallMeHun · 21/01/2008 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:29

I didn't for one moment think that moving would make my problens dissapear.

I am having driving lessons off all of my family for my 30th. Obviously not enough to pass, but enough to get me on my way. Hopefully by then I will be working and be able to afford to carry them on.

I personally wouldn't mind being an hour away from my mum because I don'tmind train/bus travel, but I know she would mind.

OP posts:
DontCallMeHun · 21/01/2008 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magnolia74 · 21/01/2008 13:37

I am in exactly the same position Nutty

We have a 3 bed H/A house and are looking to Exchange down to Sussex. My mum lives 2 roads from me and I haven't had the guts to tell her yet that we may move
But me and dh have been through so much a fresh start is desperately needed for us and the kids.

We have listed all good and bad points and its pretty even which doesn;t help

I don't drive either and am having my 1st driving lesson (in 12 years) so I will hopefully be driving by the time we find an exchange.

Anyway enough of my waffling I say go for it

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:40

Yep travel is expensive, I agree, but I don't think that is a good enough reason to discount moving all together.

The house I first posted about has alot more to do in the surrounding area than where I am now, that is one of the resons I am interested in it.It is within walking distance of the town centre, which would save on travel costs, and has a lovely park on the doorstep.

It is a place that we went to alot on days out, so I do know it quite well.

OP posts:
posieflump · 21/01/2008 13:41

Are your kids schoolage?
Is it near enough to their school if so? And their friends?
i think you have to consult your mum and your ex but if you think it is a good move then go for it.

FluffyMummy123 · 21/01/2008 13:42

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FluffyMummy123 · 21/01/2008 13:42

Message withdrawn

lazarou · 21/01/2008 13:42

nutcracker, that other house sounds promising. Are there houses coming up quite frequently?

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:43

I think it would be pretty even with my list too magnolia.

Thing is, it has been on my mind for a while now, and I know that if I don't at least give it a go, i'll always wonder if I should of.

It is out of my hands for the moment anyway, as I am waiting for replies from owners of both places.

The only thing in my way really, is that my house needs a fair bit of work doing to it which might put people off a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:46

ROFL @ Cod

No it's not Tamworth, it's Lichfield.

Lazarou, the frequency of the properties that come up is really dependable on which area you are in tbh. If you are downsizing then you stand more chance of a swap I think.

My kids are school age yes, they are 10,8 and 5. I would consult my mum and listen to her opinions but to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't be consulting xp, id be telling him.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:47

Actually, i've just realised, that the second house, that is still in this area, is right by where my mum plans to move to soon.

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 21/01/2008 13:49

We are about to do exactly this, we are moving away to hapshire about 40-1 hr from where we are now.

We need change, ds is going to have to move schools & dp commute to work, i am also leaving my mum who is my support but she will visit us.

I am scared shitless but know it is for the best.

I would say really think about it, would you be happy there? will your kids need to change schools? will they be happy? don't just do it because of the house think of all areas.

We have been accepted today & we are moving on the 15th feb

magnolia74 · 21/01/2008 13:51

Scoobydoo, been accepted? Are you house swapping or did you apply for housing in a certain area?
The only reason I ask is that we are looking to exchange but not having much luck, just wondered if it's possible to get housed in a different area without exchanging?

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:51

Yay thats fab news Scooby, really pleased for you

If we move to Lichfield then yep the kids would have to move schools. Dd1 would not be happy about this, however she is a very confident, popular and chatty child with loads of friends and so I know that once settled in she would be fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 21/01/2008 13:52

Which sites are you on Magnolia ??

OP posts:
magnolia74 · 21/01/2008 13:55

www.exchangeforum.co.uk/index.php

www.ukhomeswap.co.uk/portal.php

www.homeswapper.co.uk/

www.council-exchange.org/

www.exchangeuk.co.uk/

www.1homeswap.co.uk/index.php

Some are crap some are great but I need a 4 bed so someone wanting mine would need to downsize

FluffyMummy123 · 21/01/2008 13:56

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