India Knight: "Wives feel like chattels, scared to leave in case they find themselves on the breadline"

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here

Does anyone feel like this? I remember an old thread called something like "SAHMS, what if he leaves you?" - what do sahps/sah women in this position feel? (I can see that it applies to men and women so sahps not just sahms but let's face it, the majority are women)

Btw, I have no issue with anyone being a sahp if that's what they want or a being wothp, interested to know what people think.

Once again IK has put the cat amongst the pigeons hasn't she? I don't agree with the majority of the article myself. She is not talking about abusive relationships, which is completely different, she is talking about mundane family life and people not choosing to spend time raising their children because they need to earn money they might need one day when either they or their husbands decide to leave.

If women who have the choice decide not to stay at home to raise their children simply for the reason that their husbands may leave them then it's a sad world that we live in. If the marriage does fail then at least the divorce laws are on the side of the women who have stayed at home and raised the family and I for one am grateful for that for people out there whose families fall apart after years of sacrifice.

"If the marriage does fail then at least the divorce laws are on the side of the women who have stayed at home and raised the family and I for one am grateful for that for people out there whose families fall apart after years of sacrifice."

Please don't believe that, whatever you do, because it simply isn't true. Most people simply don't earn enough to maintain two households comfortably. This isn't a doomsday scenario, a staggeringly high proportion of marriages end up in divorce.

"If women who have the choice decide not to stay at home to raise their children simply for the reason that their husbands may leave them then it's a sad world that we live in."

Could not agree more with this statement.

Ah, but to stay at home does not mean a parent (mother or father) is not "raising their children"

not to stay at home

Puzzled

blueshoes - I know you defend tooth and nail the idea that delegating childcare for a large part of the working week is not (necessarily) the same as an abnegation of parental responsibility, and I quite agree with you on that point

However, delegating childcare to a third party for 40+ hours a week is not a choice that all parents wish to make or feel is in the best interest of their family.

Re-reading this article - I wonder why India only picked up on the stuff about women lacking financial independence?

I was more saddened by the statistic that 30% of fathers would like to leave but are scared of losing their children . Because that's what happens to you, if you're the WOH parent and your other half is a sponger SAHP - getting out of a crap marriage means losing your children .

chin up dino sweetie xxx

when is your new job starting?

Good point, MrsPG.

UK custody laws currently greatly favour awarding primary custody to the mother (I don't know enough about those laws as to whether that includes a SAHD). The presumption in favour of the mother is to such an extent that it is potentially unfair.

The prospect of losing their children is a huge axe to wield against a father who is thinking of leaving an unhappy marriage. I can imagine fathers staying together for the sake of remaining in contact with their children. I also know fathers who have divorced the mothers of their children but who pay almost everything over to keep their ex-wives sweet and not poison the relationship between the children and their father or limit contact.

Sorry to have read about your problems Dino Picked it up on another thread - can't be easy.

Oh god that was meant to be a sad face - sorry - typing at speed and lefthandedly - sorry

Quattrocento I totally agree with you in terms of 2 households living in the standards you are accustomed to (whatever that standard is). I think that is a major point IK is making - that people stay married because they do not want to lose their standard of living. So apparently we have record levels of divorce aswell as huge numbers of unhappy marriages! What's going on? Does it all come down to money?

Also, blueshoes I wouldn't dream of making the opposite statement that parents that work are not raising their children, (I work p/t myself) I just think that returning to work for the simple reason of ensuring you have some money to fall back in case you need it is such a shame.

BTW (and this is a question as I don't know the answer) - are more Dads not getting custody in the situation that both parents work in equal measures? Or joint custody at least? There is less justification for the mum to always get custody when both parents work, surely?

braveandcrazy - well, a large part of the point of marriage economics and economies of scale - a point that is often overlooked/ignored in discussions on MN and elsewhere .

is economics