India Knight: "Wives feel like chattels, scared to leave in case they find themselves on the breadline"

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here

Does anyone feel like this? I remember an old thread called something like "SAHMS, what if he leaves you?" - what do sahps/sah women in this position feel? (I can see that it applies to men and women so sahps not just sahms but let's face it, the majority are women)

Btw, I have no issue with anyone being a sahp if that's what they want or a being wothp, interested to know what people think.

marriage sp - I always get that wrong.

cornsilk - yes, I agree about IK having a bee in her bonnet about women who marry rich men... she's jealous .

Divorce often causes financial suffering. The only exception is when both parties find new partners quickly who are in similar (or better) financial circumstances to their previous partners.

LOL - I didn't marry a rich man by the way! Have definitely noticed her have a dig at women who do in past articles.

nametaken - I manage to support my family and pay childcare costs for dd whilst dh is a sahp. It's hard but just doable. We get about the equivalent of 8 pounds a week of ctc.
We have to pay childcare costs as we wanted to keep dd at her nursery which is an expensive one after dh gave up work.

Iota - at those figures. Is that really true??

i was a working mum.

when i left my abusive partner i was forced to leave my joba dn become a single parent living on benefits.

my son has SN and without the support network of his family i just couldn't go to work.

its not just the women that marry into money. leaving a partner is a financial time bomb no matter what.

Nametaken - there are a lot of women who can support themselves financially, without recourse to benefits (no shame in benefits, just making a financial point) trust me. India is having a go at women who choose not to.

mb

hercules - these figures were on the TV programme what Britain earns:

The average British salary is £24,907, but two-thirds of the population still earn under the national average, while fewer than 5,000 earn more than £1m.

And to be in the top 10% of earners, you need to be on a salary of just £46,000. The findings were revealed last night on the BBC2 TV programme What Britain Earns.

see herewww.thisismoney.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=429134&in_page_id=2

well i drummed this into my daughters heads

its exacyly what happened to me...sahm and unemployable

It never fails to make me laugh when rich men marry pretty bimbos. They probably think their children will have her looks and his brains but big lol when the reverse happens.

"What first attracted you to the millionaire ......?"

I know the thread has deviated a little from OP but can I just say I am SAHM, Dh has always made the lions share of our income, but financially - we have almost everything in joint names and the majority of his shares are in my name for tax reasons.
I feel it is important for our finances to be intertwined I find that helps me feel that I am not some little kept woman (like my Mum) getting £100 housekeeping to run the house when the rest is kept and dealt with by my Dad.

I never want to be as ignorant about finances as my Mum is and I never want to be frightened of discussing money, I think this is the route to not feeling partners in the relationship.

If it came to us splitting up (God forbid) I have enough of my own to be able to start again, it must be horrific for those poor ladies who financially are trapped between a rock and a hard place.

Thing is, you may get your assets split 50/50 but you'd still need to spend them on somewhere to live. So unless you are talking £££ you'd need to work to pay for everything else.

This is the sort of thing that terrifies me about ever getting into some sort of cohabiting arrangement ever again - even if you marry and get some of his money, that's not exactly financial independence is it?

Have also made a point of encouraging my daughters to be sure they can support themselves before they bring extra people into the world to support, it's not good to rely on another person for everything. They might die, the life insurance might not pay out for some reason, lose their income somehow, the pension might never materialise. It's so important to make your own arrangements, have your own savings and so on.

My mum always said she wanted all her children to be able to be financially self-sufficient, if we needed to be.
It is wise advice.
I agree with IK, 'game old bird'

My mother gave up a budding career when she married my dad. She had my brothers and me in quick succession and was then 'stuck' as she put it years later. I went to university to train as a teacher and know that, should the worse happen in any marriage I went into, I could support myself. I am now married and although I have given up my career for the forseeable future I am still wanting to train further starting next year so I am abe to return to work when the time is right. My main problem should anything go wrong with my marriage is that even though I have made myself as equal as I possibly could before I got married, the housing market has rocketed to an extent I couldn't buy a house on my wage along anyway. I would say this is a major problem for 'stuck' women, especially those with children.

As my mother always said, 'Marry a man for money and you'll earn every penny.'

The best quote on the back of a loo stall I saw was in the university's aerospace engineering department. It read: 'For women who foresake their career for a man, poverty is a divorce away.'

at expat

Presumably there are social and cultural issues which can make a significant difference. Islamic and Catholic wives are relatively less likely to divorce anyway, for instance.

MI - I am sure you are more fragrant than gamey

I read the column in today's Times, Quattro .

Message withdrawn

I think it's just WOHM looking for validation of their choices.

I only know women who would be able to support their families in this situation. This is because I work and all my friends work, I suppose, so it is not indicative of anything other than there is a whole world out there of which Nametaken is unaware.

Not responding to original post but rather some of the misconceptions raised in other posts.

Loving the idea that splitting assets 50/50 is somehow going to leave either partner financially ok compared to before. Sometimes its worth stating the obvious - you then have to run 2 houses (not only mortgages but water, phone, leccy bills etc) with 1/2 as much money. For many this is impossible.

I was one of those who thought I was in a great relationship which was forever until dp left me with the kids out of the blue. Fortunately, we're on the road to recovery and reconcilliation now but if I hadn't carried on working after kids I would have been ruined financially as would he especially as we're not married. However generous dp could have been and was he could not afford to continue to pay for the mortgage on the family house (our arrangement since I paid the childcare) and buy a new house (or flat) for himself. Selling the family house (which we'd been trying unsuccessfully to do anyway) would not have generated enough money to buy 2 smaller houses and I could not have even contributed towards a mortgage as well as paying for childcare.

We both have much better reasons for getting back together BUT our financial situation would have been a jolly good reason even if there hadn't been other better ones.

And was a good reason even though I am a WOHM and not a SAHM.

I read this today too - and definitely agreed with IK. I work part time, but definitely have less financial stability than I would have done had I continued on my original career path, but working in my current job means I haven't abandoned that career altogether if I do become single.

I went back to work last year as I believe it is important for a woman to have some degree of financial independence - i will also teach my daughters this. I would be interested in reading the book mentioned in the article linked to below too.

I always think IK writes from her lovely position of freelancing writer living in lovely Primrose Hill house though - most of us have to sacrifice more time with our children if we go back to work, the reality is different for most of us.

I feel like that. Not scared he will leave - have spent the last year hoping, nay, asking him to!

Now have plans to get old job, some money so I can leave - hopefully before other people come on teh scene and make it impossible to be good about it.