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Original poster

Fed up with friend trying to copy my life, what do I do?

71 replies

singlewhitefemale · 23/11/2004 12:10

I have changed my name for this post as my 'friend' also posts on here.

I need advice as I don't know if I am making a meal out of this, honest advice please.

I met a girl through work 2 years ago and for the next 18 months we became really good friends.

Then 6 months ago she started to copy me, at first it was funny and flattering and now its really annoying me and I want to scream, GET YOUR OWN LIFE.

I am happily married with 2 ds's and she is married with 2 dd's. My Dh is loving and supportive and great with our boys etc etc, and her DH is not so great, rather be up the pub then do things for his girls, he does nothing around the house and expects friend to do everything.

6 months ago I had my hair cut and coloured, 5 days later friend had exactly the same colour from exactly the same shop.

I then started selling on ebay to try and make some extra money for xmas, she asked me about it and took an interest, she then bought exactly the same items as me and started selling herself on ebay. She even goes into my listing and lets me know if I made a puncuation error etc etc, and I also have bought a few things on ebay and she comments on them, it makes me feel uncomfortable that she checks up on me.

She has also bought exactly the same clothes as me, and I feel as though whenever I talk to her she is trying to get info out of me.

I also got a part time job 2 days a week, and guess what, she has gone to the same place and got the same job.

I feel sad for her in a way as I know she is unhappy and sees that I am very happy in my life. My boys are well mannered and mostly well behaved, whereas her girls are extrememly naughty, but they are always great when I have them to look after and friend goes out. i tried to talk to friend about the way she speak to her girls, all goby saying do that again and I'll whallop you etc etc, she has even hit her eldest round the head which made me feel sick and I told her so.

She came round this morning and I had a new cardy on and she admired it and asked where I got it from, I lied and said that I had it ages ago and cant remember, I later took it off and when I went upstairs I could see her through the door crack looking at the label.

What should I do, we used to be really close, but now she gives me the creaps.

OP posts:
popsycal · 23/11/2004 12:11

Won't she realise now....?

SpringChicken · 23/11/2004 12:19

THink if she posts on here she will know now.
Not sure there aere many people who were peeping at their mates labels this morning!

At leaast if she does see it you've let her know in a way without either of you having to know or feel awkward about it.

Original poster
singlewhitefemale · 23/11/2004 12:19

I bet she only comes on mumsnet and does a search for my name, I did change it once and she asked why I had changed it to , so she must have spent ages looking. I am sure a one off thread might go unnoticed, although it might sort the problem out, well if I dont hear from her again i'll know

OP posts:
Tessiebear · 23/11/2004 12:19

If it were me i would either confront her about it or slowly phase out the friendship or make it more of a casual, only see her once a fortnight kind of f/ship??

Original poster
singlewhitefemale · 23/11/2004 12:22

It does get me down because when I noticed that she only posted on the threads that I either started or posted. I actually did a search for her name and no other threads came up.

OP posts:
Thomcat · 23/11/2004 12:23

That crack in the door,looking at label thing freaked my out! It all sounds a bit mad.

PeckaRollover · 23/11/2004 12:24

It must be very hard this situation - but I cant help but feel REALLY sorry for her when she stumbles across this thread

SpringChicken · 23/11/2004 12:25

Come on tell us who it is?

Or CAT us and let us know her username and we will tell her to leave you alone

suzywong · 23/11/2004 12:27

invite her over for the evening and rent the video SWF

or give us some more clues and we'll track her down on here

nailpolish · 23/11/2004 12:28

she must have very low self esteem. i dont know if there is much you can do, she will probably get fed up and stop sooner or later. or you can tell her honestly! she may then try for your sympathies.

Original poster
singlewhitefemale · 23/11/2004 12:29

springchicken

I honestly would bet my house that she wont see this thread.

I have written this because this morning's label incident really took the biscuit, but I can name at least 20 other strange things that she has done.

She also has started getting weird if other friends are mentioned, and tries to run them down, even though they have done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 23/11/2004 12:30

This can't be so - you're having us on aren't you? Surely it only happens in the movies???? - doesn't it????

If not, then I'm sorry for you. It would freak me out too....(although I can't imagine many people wanting to emulate either my lifestyle or my dress sense ). Think you have to cease contact with her.

Chandra · 23/11/2004 12:34

I would also try to cool down the friendship a bit. It should be very suffocating to have a friend like her!

Original poster
singlewhitefemale · 23/11/2004 12:34

HMC,

I must admit now I am sitting down and remembering all these things it does sound quite unbelieveable, but these have happened over a 6 month period. She does have a lot of good points, but I must admit that I will phase out the friendship (if I can). My DH thinks it is funny and everytime she phones or visits he does the physco shower scene.

OP posts:
clairabelle · 23/11/2004 12:36

I tink it's really sad, as someone said she must have really low self esteem and obviously think you are someone worth copying however it must be quite scarey for you. Can you not just talk to her about it?

SoupDragon · 23/11/2004 12:37

Invent a load of bizarre things you're doing, buying, wearing or going to.

beachyhead · 23/11/2004 12:39

I'm not sure I would bother to talk about it - I would just downscale it a bit and she'll go and find someone else to copy. She'll soon realise that your moving on when you start talking about other friends you've seen or had over. I do feel sorry for her, but I think if you try and carry on, you are only going to feed her dependancy on you.....

suzywong · 23/11/2004 12:41

that's what I was going to say too Soupy

Test her determination by doing something really obvious for her to copy that you know she'll hate

What did you say her name was again?

woodpops · 23/11/2004 12:41

You're not the firend are you beachyhead?

beachyhead · 23/11/2004 12:42

Bugger off - am original and wunderbar and have noooo friends to copy!!!!!!

Thomcat · 23/11/2004 12:42

so are you actually going t be working with her now then?

bundle · 23/11/2004 12:42

could you try copying her? is there anything in her life she hasn't cribbed from you? but she probably wouldn't cotton on...hi suzy btw, are you well? will remember that b**y pattern soon

woodpops · 23/11/2004 12:44

LOL beachy, as long as we've got that sorted

saintshar · 23/11/2004 12:49

Isn't it going to be difficult phasing out the friendship, if she has a job in the same place as you?

What about if you mention that you have noticed that she has been getting her hair done the same/getting some 'similar' clothes to you. You understand that maybe she wants to change her look - but what suits you doesn't suit her because you are different height/colouring/shapes etc?

Then maybe suggest that you could help her choose some clothes, and a new hair style that would suit her.

If nothing else at least she would get the message!

PotPourri · 23/11/2004 12:50

SWF, I think you only have 2 options. Confront her and tell her that you find it unnerving and no longer flattering that she copies everything you do (mention a few specific incidents - but try to keep it factual and not personal IYSWIM). Try to open her up to why she feels she has to do this, and get her to think about how uncomfortable it makes you feel. This may mean that you lose her forever if she is very offended, but it could build a stronger relationship if you are able to support her in what is clearly very low self esteem.

The other option is as others have said, phase out the friendship. Just become unavailable. This is tricky if you really do care about her and her DDs, but is the only way to stop it all without confrontation. It is likely to get worse before it gets better though as she will probably try even harder to get back into your life.

On the practical things, stop telling her stuff (like where you went for your job, that you are getting a job at all, where you got your clothes etc) and change your username on eBay and mumsnet and any other sites that she can look you up on.

And don't dis her with other friends in common as that is hurtful and if she finds out via someone else it is just not fair on her.

Good luck with this. I had a mild situation like this about 10 years ago with a friend, but fortunately I could take option 2 at that time. You may be too tied in, or care too much about her to do that, as it doesn't address the underlying problems she has.

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