Fed up with friend trying to copy my life, what do I do?

[singlewhitefemale]

I have changed my name for this post as my 'friend' also posts on here.

I need advice as I don't know if I am making a meal out of this, honest advice please.

I met a girl through work 2 years ago and for the next 18 months we became really good friends.

Then 6 months ago she started to copy me, at first it was funny and flattering and now its really annoying me and I want to scream, GET YOUR OWN LIFE.

I am happily married with 2 ds's and she is married with 2 dd's. My Dh is loving and supportive and great with our boys etc etc, and her DH is not so great, rather be up the pub then do things for his girls, he does nothing around the house and expects friend to do everything.

6 months ago I had my hair cut and coloured, 5 days later friend had exactly the same colour from exactly the same shop.

I then started selling on ebay to try and make some extra money for xmas, she asked me about it and took an interest, she then bought exactly the same items as me and started selling herself on ebay. She even goes into my listing and lets me know if I made a puncuation error etc etc, and I also have bought a few things on ebay and she comments on them, it makes me feel uncomfortable that she checks up on me.

She has also bought exactly the same clothes as me, and I feel as though whenever I talk to her she is trying to get info out of me.

I also got a part time job 2 days a week, and guess what, she has gone to the same place and got the same job.

I feel sad for her in a way as I know she is unhappy and sees that I am very happy in my life. My boys are well mannered and mostly well behaved, whereas her girls are extrememly naughty, but they are always great when I have them to look after and friend goes out. i tried to talk to friend about the way she speak to her girls, all goby saying do that again and I'll whallop you etc etc, she has even hit her eldest round the head which made me feel sick and I told her so.

She came round this morning and I had a new cardy on and she admired it and asked where I got it from, I lied and said that I had it ages ago and cant remember, I later took it off and when I went upstairs I could see her through the door crack looking at the label.

What should I do, we used to be really close, but now she gives me the creaps.

If she doesn't take any notice of your pleas, or ignoring of her, then you may have to go down a legal route to stop her. How awful for you, I hope she gets the hint.

Haven't read all the posts but I think she sees you as inspirational, the perfect role model for her and admires you so copies you. Normal to feel flattered initially but claustrophobic now.

Obviously a friendship is a two way thing, you both have to get something out of it. It sounds as though she has low self-esteem which can be so draining. Are you getting anything out of the friendship? What do you want to do? If she is now so irritating and you know that everything you do is being observed so as to copy you can either say something or start avoiding her. I don't know how you could avoid her at work though, are you working the same days?

Do you feel any sympathy for her?

Maybe a return note saying you value your friendship but are currently a little claustrophobic as you feel that there are too many things she has copied. Ask for space and suggest a meet-up for coffee in a few weeks maybe?

sorry but even though weird I think she probably relies on you a lot and is now feeling very very bad .. if you like her deep down maybe you could help buck her up a little

Are you really sure she hasn't/won't see this?

(No it's not me by the way)

I must admit this sounds very odd, have you heard anymore today?

As far as the Ebay thing goes why not re-register in DH's name using his email address. That way it won't show a change of name. That will get her off your trail.

It depends whether you want to keep seeing her in the future or not, I'd suggest telling her you are v. busy and you can get together in the new year but not before Christmas.

Why not suggest she starts to buy a few magazines then she can get her own ideas for decorating or what to wear. Either that or start cutting out your labels!

Oh yes I have heard from her today. She has emailed twice and called just once.

But she has gone round to my best mates house saying she doesn't know what she has done blah blah, now my best friend is not known for her tact, told her the reason is because she feels like you are trying to take over her life, then told her she is creepy and needs to sort her life out as she is coming across as a real sado.

Since then I have not heard nothing, and in fact feel a little annoyed how my friend had talked to her and hope she is ok, I am in 2 minds wether to call or not, but think if I do it will all start over again.

SHR ~ good suggestion, but I have worked hard doing my ebay and have feedback 100% positive for over 500 transactions and loathed to change it.

Can you email ebay and tell them what's happening? Talk of restraining orders and things - make them think it's serious enough to warrant an anonymous change of name (iyswim).

I wonder if this woman hearing it from your best friend will make her realise that she is indeed being a saddo. It would almost be worth emailing her a link to this thread if she still doesn't get it!

xxx

swf - don't contact her, I think it would make things worse, now let the dust settle and see what move your 'friend' makes next.

She obviously needs some help and is not happy in her life - After my first DS was born I met someone similar. After a number of problems I realised things were not quite right, I talked to a mutual friend about her and discovered some other things had been going on. I immediately severed all contact with her - even though I knew she needed help and support I was not in the position to provide it.

So my advice is talk to a mutual friend if their is one

I REALLY don't think you should answer the letter, any emails or texts or contact her. If you do, you will be giving her the wrong message and she will interpret any more brush offs as you being unreasonable. In behavioural terms you need to "put her on extinction"!!

What a bizarre situation - and I see you are not the only one who's had this happen.

Whatever is going on with this friend, things seem pretty extreme now. Given what you've said so far, I think there's a really strong chance she will find this thread. Even if you have changed your name, the thread title does give the story away a bit Now your friend has told her you feel she is copying you, she must realise what you think! All she has to do is browse mumsnet and it's easy for her to put two and two together. Unless you really don't mind her reading this thread I think you should get it deleted.

FWIW, I think reading this thread could hurt her a lot and that might make her more of a threat to you in real life - hassle best avoided.

Sorry you are going through this - sorry for your friend, too.

SWF this sounds much more extreme than my own situation was. I strongly think you should do NOTHING now, Like Davros and Munzieb are recommending. Def don't email a link to this thread. Any attention at all from you now, even negative/or "back off"/or"see you after Christmas" is going to be like oxygen blasted at a fire. If things don't sttle down you may then need to think about outside help, but if you stay calm and TOTALLY INCOMMUNICADO you may shake her off without further ado.

Don't contact her please. She seems a bit dangerous. I have a friend who had a problem similar to yours, the woman in questiond didn't copy her but she was asfixiting to a point that if my friend made excuses not to see her she would answer things in the likes of "I know you were at home, I was outside your house and never saw you leave". It was very creepy. One day her DH decided that they were changing so many plans just to avoid her that sent her a letter asking her to understand they needed some space from her and the horrid woman answered by telling all their mutual friends that my friend's husband was trying to take advantage of her (in terms of he trying to have an affair with her!!!) MY friend was so worried about their security that change her DD to another nursery and explained the staff about the problem. Two weeks later the nursery contacted her to tell her the woman had sneaked into the new nursery to talk to her DD, they had to ring the police to convince her to leave.

At the end, she had to put a report, it was not a serious report to the police but something you do to leave evidence of what was going on in case something worse happens in the future. Stay away of her, every single thing you do to make her feel better can be easily misunderstood.

i agree, absolutely don't contact her. I know it's a different senario 7 that Eastenders isn't RL, but did you see the whole thing with Martin 7 that girl - Sarah? Everytime he told her to back off etc, every time he spoke to her it just spurred her on. He said the nicest things & the nastiest things, but nothing made any difference. It sounds like things have gone so far that you'd never return to a normal friendship anyway, so best to cut it off completely & she does sound derranged. so many letters/phone calls/ emails are not normal.

Any contact from you will have the opposite desired effect. You need to try & get her out of your head. What youir friend said to her isn't your fault & you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Please just try & avoid anything further to do with her. Bets wishes, it all sounds very stressful.

Thank god your other friend was blunt like that. I know you feel sorry for her and don't want to hurt her, who does want to deliberately hurt a friend, but she was a bit much. I would leave it at least a few days before you speak to her, otherwise you will have more unwelcome attantion

She's not by any chance in love with you?? You never know...
How creepy.

how are you getting on SWF?

Reading through this there is obviously something seriously wrong with your friend. For some reason I do feel quite sorry for her as she must have issues of some degree. Although I also agree it must be very scary for you too. Awful situation and hope it resolves its self soon.

Well I carried on getting texts and emails the following day, then her dh came round to speak to me and I had it out with him, he was totally nice and said that she 'does this' to kind of make the friendship stronger, he agreed she has gone way over the top (he only knew the tip of it) I told him that to salvage anything from the friendship then I needed space until at least after xmas, I have decided that the friendship is over, but hopefully as I said I will get in touch, and probably wont, things will just die a death.

Since then nothing, peace and quiet.

good, looks like she got the message from her DH!