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Original poster

So angry and feel like s**t

62 replies

iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:10

Have namechanged for this as I'm ashamed of the whole bloody thing and feel so farking stupid and fed up and blah.

I've had a man (friend but have been sleeping together) staying for the last week while dd was at her dad's. She came back yesterday and I asked him to sleep on the sofa so as not to confuse dd (she's 4).

So at two in the morning he came and woke me up to ask if he could sleep with me after all - I said no and he got really arsey, accused me of letting my life be ruled by my kid and all sorts. He went downstairs but half an hour later his bloody dog came upstairs and threw up in dd's room

I shouted for him to come and deal with it, and got dd into my bed. He came upstairs effing and blinding, accusing me of feeding the dog crap that had made it sick. I followed him downstairs and asked him not to shout in my house as it would frighten dd, to which he told me she was a 'spoilt fucking brat' and he'd shout all he liked. So I told him to get out as I will not be shouted at like that in my own home. He carried on shouting at me so I slapped him in the face. I know what a shit thing it was to do but I was so furious and he was standing in my kitchen shouting abuse at me (that I was mental etc) and refusing to leave. I can't believe what I did, its so unlike me.

He did leave after that but I feel so crap about it all, yet again I have had some twat of a man think they can trample on me and I just feel like crying. Can't cos dd is here and I don't want her to see me upset.

OP posts:
crokky · 07/01/2008 10:13

Why are you ashamed? You put your DD first as you should. This man sounds like a twat.

Flllightattendant · 07/01/2008 10:14

You absolutely did the right thing. Be glad dd didn't witness it.

I remember feeling like this with ex. Bastards thinking they can treat us like this. Tell me you don't ever intend to speak to him again, please?

claricebeansmum · 07/01/2008 10:16

Second crokky.

Sounds like thie "friend" only wants you - for sex? - but not the "whole package"...

Get shot of him

Flllightattendant · 07/01/2008 10:16

Ashamed at misjudgment of man, I would imagine, which is NOT your fault!

It's Ok. She didn't see it. You got rid of him. He was completely out of order and I can't believe someone could behave like that to you, big hugs from me...

08aGreatYearForCarmenere · 07/01/2008 10:16

I think you did the right thing, you got rid of an nasty bully. Now DO NOT let him back in.

yaddayah · 07/01/2008 10:16

Sorry you're upset, but you did the right thing (ok perhaps not with the slap but hey ho) he sounds like an arse and you're well rid.

ConnorTraceptive · 07/01/2008 10:21

Not normally one to condone hitting but think I would have done the same if a man who has no rights to my home refused to leave it and was giving me verbal abuse.

Well done for putting your dd first and not taking crap off this waster.

Now just don't have any further contact with him - even if he grovels

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:22

Thanks for the support - it makes me feel a lot better.

I haven't been so angry for years and I never hit anyone - never. I absolutely won't let him back in don't worry, I was furious with him and still am. My child is the most important thing in my world - thats right, thats how it should be, surely?

I have so many problems with my self esteem and with struggling to parent well already that this has really shaken me. I didn't know I still had that level of anger in me.

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 07/01/2008 10:24

Actually I think you should rephrase that to "I didn't know I had that level of strenth in me"

Ok hitting not ideal but you stood up for your dd, yourself and your home and you didn't back down. There are a lot of positive things to see about yourself from this situation

kittylouise · 07/01/2008 10:25

Don't feel ashamed of yourself (easier said than done I know). Just feel bloody pleased and glad that you discovered what an arse this man is before he got his feet under the table too much, and before your dd recognised him as your boyfriend. It is easier to get shot of him now than say in 3 or 5 years.

Calling your daughter a spoilt fucking brat - what, because you are a responsible and carinf mother. This man sounds like he is the spoilt brat. Feel thankfull that you are well rid.

Ther are men out there who behave normally, believe me.

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:26

Yes ashamed of my own bad judgement yet again as well as of slapping him.

He owes me money too (only £20 but is a lot to us) which I don't think I'll ever see again.

Feel like such a bloody idiot and a weak stupid woman for letting this happen.

OP posts:
Buda · 07/01/2008 10:26

You did exactly the right thing. Maybe not the slap but he was being a sod.

If he is like this now in the early days imagine what he would be like if not on early days best behaviour. Doesn't bear thinking about.

Take a huge pat on the back for doing the right thing by your DD. And you are right. She SHOULD be the most important thing in your world.

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:29

I feel so weak not strong at all. I feel like I'm just going to carry on making the same mistakes for ever, and it makes me feel like I am going to have to resign myself to us being alone.

I do feel a bit better for everyone saying I was right - thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Buda · 07/01/2008 10:30

But you haven't made a mistake. The mistake would have been letting him sleep with you although you didn't want to and then putting up with the shouting etc.

Flllightattendant · 07/01/2008 10:31

Oh god. You could have been me talking. It takes a while to get over a shock like this but please don't think less of yourself for not seeing it coming - how could you have? Many of us have been there, believe me, I know just how horrible it feels - the fact someone drove you to extreme measures like the slap you gave him, is just dreadful and you will feel very angry about that. It was not your fault that he did this to you and your daughter. Some men seem to think single mothers are vulnerable enough to take any shit, which we are not, and you have shown him that. Most of us would have slapped him I think - I've never hit a man but I would if he was talking about my child like that and refusing to leave. I would also have called the police I think, just to report the incident.

Whjat an unbelievable w*nker. You did exactly the right thing and DD is unscathed. You are shaken but you will be fine in a while.

If he starts pestering you, ignore and if necessary threaten to and do call the police.

Flllightattendant · 07/01/2008 10:34

I feel similar about trusting my judgment again, too - but better that than end up with someone who is not good. I have a feeling that when the right man comes along, he will not be put off by my lack of trust - rather he will try harder as he will see past that. Anyone who runs a mile seeing I have caution and high standards, is not worth having.

(I am still waiting by the way, but I have faith!)

HairyIrene · 07/01/2008 10:36

i think you dealt with it etc like the others
he was acting like an ass
but

why didnt he leave before your daughter came home?
that would have been much less likely to confuse her...?

i think i would have got rid before, and not prolong it...he obviously didnt realise that your dd is top priority for you...

hope you are okay

kittywise · 07/01/2008 10:37

Well think of it this way
1)) you absolutely did the right thing by your dd
2) You stood up for yourself
3) you found what a infantile tosser he was before it caused ant distress to your dd and any further distress to you.

I'm sure you feel disappointed and let down and so you should but you have done the right thing.

hope the next blokes a proper grown up

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:39

He was someone that I thought was a friend - have known him for a couple of years and so has dd, just never had him to stay so not realised what a twat he could be.

See your point re him leaving before dd came home but we often have friends to stay on the sofa and I had no idea he was going to turn nasty like that.

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 07/01/2008 10:41

Ah but you didn't "let" it happen did you - you stopped it in it's tracks and kicked him out.

Men don't come with a sign that says "I'm a prick" unfortunately you have to wait for them to show signs of it. He has and you've dealt with it.

kittylouise · 07/01/2008 10:43

You think you are a weak womean - no, absolutely not, If you were a weak woman, you would have been steamrollered by him into letting him sleep in your room, slag off your dd etc. The fact that you stood up for yourself and dd and didn't stand for any shit shows how strong you are. A lor of women would have put the man first in this situation in the desperate hope to cling on to a boyfriend. Be proud that you are not like that.

kittylouise · 07/01/2008 10:43

Please excuse all the crap spelling!

Flllightattendant · 07/01/2008 10:45

My ex was like this, to a lesser degree...he brought his dog, then shouted at my cat for hissing...told me my child was spoilt, etc etc. He had huge self esteem issues and could not bear it if he wasn't 'head of the house', despite it being my house!

He was also nice before you got to know him. It is scary isn't it, how they can turn?

Glad he showed his true colours before he was more involved with you. That is a blessing...

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:49

No man is worth being spoken to like that for. I know that and I told him that.

I just can't quite believe that anyone could have the cheek to do that to someone in their own home. And to complain when told to get out - I warned him first that he'd have to leave if he carried on.

I hope he doesn't try to come back to give me the money - we do need it back but I'd rather do without it than see him again.

Poor dd this morning is all tired and looks a bit confused - she heard the door slam in the night (shouting seems to have gone over her head thank god) and asked if it was a dinosaur on the roof

OP posts:
elesbells · 07/01/2008 10:57

agree with everyone else. Well done to you. Being a single parent is hard sometimes and there are plenty of women out there that would put up with a hell of a lot more for the sake of company.

See it as a strength - not a weakness.

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