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Original poster

So angry and feel like s**t

62 replies

iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:10

Have namechanged for this as I'm ashamed of the whole bloody thing and feel so farking stupid and fed up and blah.

I've had a man (friend but have been sleeping together) staying for the last week while dd was at her dad's. She came back yesterday and I asked him to sleep on the sofa so as not to confuse dd (she's 4).

So at two in the morning he came and woke me up to ask if he could sleep with me after all - I said no and he got really arsey, accused me of letting my life be ruled by my kid and all sorts. He went downstairs but half an hour later his bloody dog came upstairs and threw up in dd's room

I shouted for him to come and deal with it, and got dd into my bed. He came upstairs effing and blinding, accusing me of feeding the dog crap that had made it sick. I followed him downstairs and asked him not to shout in my house as it would frighten dd, to which he told me she was a 'spoilt fucking brat' and he'd shout all he liked. So I told him to get out as I will not be shouted at like that in my own home. He carried on shouting at me so I slapped him in the face. I know what a shit thing it was to do but I was so furious and he was standing in my kitchen shouting abuse at me (that I was mental etc) and refusing to leave. I can't believe what I did, its so unlike me.

He did leave after that but I feel so crap about it all, yet again I have had some twat of a man think they can trample on me and I just feel like crying. Can't cos dd is here and I don't want her to see me upset.

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 07/01/2008 11:03

LOL at dinosaur on the roof.

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 11:06

Yes she can be funny - it makes me feel so fantastic to have her, she is the best thing in my life.

The bollocks to any man who thinks he should be more important! She is my child and he is an adult. Doesn't take much to work out who I will always put first!

OP posts:
Flllightattendant · 07/01/2008 11:12

I wish I had given my ex less of a chance than I did, you have obviously got your priorities very clear which was more than I had (I thought I could see him 'just for me' despite him not being 'into' kids, ha ha ha)
It took me longer and I had a baby on the way by the time I realised, though he was less evidently a git than your 'friend'. Good for you

captainmummy · 07/01/2008 11:20

You would be a weak women if you a) let him sleep with you, having said no previously. b) cleaned up after the damn dog, so as to not inconvienience him. c) let him call your dd names and be rude about her, so as to keep him as a friend. d) not chucked him out after all this, because it's the easiest thing to do.
There are so many women out there who would put up with it, for years, because they love him.
WELL DONE, I say!

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 11:23

Er, I did end up clearing up after the damn dog in the end. But not to avoid inconveniencing him - only because I'd thrown him out at 3am.

God only knows what he did til the trains started running - he lives about 80 miles away. But hopefully will have taught hima lesson.

OP posts:
captainmummy · 07/01/2008 11:26

Oh OK. Still the point is that you are cross (it says so in your name) and you should be holding onto that anger, at him, not you.

Flllightattendant · 07/01/2008 11:28

I think that is a minor detail - the point is you recognised his appalling behaviour for what it was, and instantly made sure he left the house where he was possibly going to wake or disturb your daughter. You got him out. Don't underestimate the courage and strength that took. It was quite a dangerous situation and I expect partly you are afraid by that idea, as part of the aftermath/shock thing. He could have done anything given that he was already being unpredictable. You got away unhurt but your brain is trying to learn from it to protect you next time something might happen...trouble is it is hard to read the situation for advance warning signs as there were none. That is why it is making you doubt yourself and feel so shit.
It was a violation a bit like when someone mugs you - you start blaming yourself as you can't find a way to prepare your defences in future, as there was no way to predict it.

The only way to feel better is kindness to yourself and to give it some time.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 07/01/2008 11:35

You stood up for yourself and dd - well done.

You are right to feel angry with him but he is the one who should feel like shit. I think this is one friendship you don't need at all.

OrmIrian · 07/01/2008 11:40

Sorry you feel like sht. You shouldn't. Your DD comes first and anyone who doesn't realise that is childish and horribly needy and is due a rude awakening such as you gave this twt! I don't suppose he's beating himself up for shouting abuse at you in the middle of the night - not to mention letting his damn dog puke up in your child's room.

Well rid.

clareyooo · 07/01/2008 12:08

You are a great mother because you put your dd first . If anyone said that about any of my three then I think I would do more than slap them, honestly! ( And I'm not violent , either). You responded as most mothers would and should feel proud of yourself for getting shot of this idiot man. Move on there are better people out there for you.

HairyIrene · 07/01/2008 12:40

sounds fine imareallycross
he is arsey arse and you are better off, at this juncture to be rid etc..

dont beat yourself up
you might feel a bit of a div however for a day or so
this too will pass
fogettaboutit!......

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 19:28

Well he has not shown his face (or apologised) and yes, I am well rid.

Was just so shocked at myself and the strength of my anger this morning, also I think a little bit freaked out by the whole thing. Didn't occur to me that I could've been hurt until afterwards - when i think about it I realise I am lucky he didn't hit me back as he is a big bloke.

And no, I doubt he feels even slightly bad about it all - he was telling me I was crazy/mad/mental and has evidently convinced himself that I am the one at fault and he is an injured party.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 07/01/2008 19:35

Could I hazard a guess that the dog was a pit bull?

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 19:43

Nah it was a collie cross puppy. Very sweet actually but I still hate farking dog puke

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colditz · 07/01/2008 19:45

What? What on Earth are you ashamed of?

You dealt with him, and when he became unreasonable, you asked him to leave, and when he refused you took steps to convince him to remove himself.

You didn't do anything bad to anyone, you simply stood up for yourself and your daughter! You did great!

You are not responsible for the cunt-like tendencies of others.

Wisteria · 07/01/2008 19:46

I think you were absolutely right to slap him. Glad you got rid - keep being the strong woman you clearly are and don't let him back in.

Evening Desi x

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 20:34

I am ashamed of my own stupidity for (yet again) allowing someone into my home and my life who was a total arse. I don't feel like I can tell anyone I know in RL as they are all going to think I am an idiot for it.

The things he said about me being mad etc really hurt and brought up feelings that I try to keep buried - I had pnd after dd was born and her dad used to accuse me of being mad when I couldn't cope. It really got to me and I spent the rest of the night awake wondering if he was right and I am demented and crazy.

And I know everyone has said I was 'right' to hit him but I actually think it was an appalling thing to do, to let your fury spill out of you like that is scary and he had not done anything that bad. Yes he was being an arse but really the only excuse for what I did would be in self defence, which it was not. It was just sheer rage that he would stand there and shout at me like that - it made me feel helpless as I didn't want to shout back.

OP posts:
Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 20:37

If he had slapped me then everyone would be horrified and think he was a violent arse.

OP posts:
colditz · 07/01/2008 20:44

He was shouting at you and about your daughter, in the middle of the night, refusing to clear up after his own dog, having demanded sexual intercourse, and refusing to leave.

Your reaction was mild, believe me, because I'd have broken a fucking dinner set over his head.

Spoilt twat!

colditz · 07/01/2008 20:46

Would you have behaved in the manner he behaved? Clearly you are having great difficulty believing you can actually do anything right, i think you are being irrationally hard on yourself.

Imagine your daughter in 30 years time ... imagine she is being treated as he treated you ... now what do you want to tell her to do?

partypiece · 07/01/2008 20:47

Well done!

colditz · 07/01/2008 20:48

I think you have the utter RIGHT to be angry, he has treated you appallingly. But he has treated you appallingly because he is a spoilt fudgerutter, not because you in any way deserve it. My boyfriend told me when I was 15 that if I didn't give him a blowjob he'd ask my best mate to. I didn't deserve that, any more than you deserve what Spoilt Fudgerutter did.

NorthernLurker · 07/01/2008 20:50

you slapped him so he would leave you and daughter alone. You were trying to keep your daughter safe and happy. Ok - so viewed isolation the slap wasn't the best thing but it was a lousy situation. That man is plainly a total arse - don't let him over the threshold again will you?

Original poster
iamsocross · 07/01/2008 20:52

'spoilt fudgerutter'

Nice bit of female solidarity is making it seem a lot better.

OP posts:
colditz · 07/01/2008 20:56

we are right, you know we are.

Come on, this is not BabyCentre, if you had been even slightly at fault, this would have been pointed out by now. You know this.

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