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Original poster

So angry and feel like s**t

62 replies

iamsocross · 07/01/2008 10:10

Have namechanged for this as I'm ashamed of the whole bloody thing and feel so farking stupid and fed up and blah.

I've had a man (friend but have been sleeping together) staying for the last week while dd was at her dad's. She came back yesterday and I asked him to sleep on the sofa so as not to confuse dd (she's 4).

So at two in the morning he came and woke me up to ask if he could sleep with me after all - I said no and he got really arsey, accused me of letting my life be ruled by my kid and all sorts. He went downstairs but half an hour later his bloody dog came upstairs and threw up in dd's room

I shouted for him to come and deal with it, and got dd into my bed. He came upstairs effing and blinding, accusing me of feeding the dog crap that had made it sick. I followed him downstairs and asked him not to shout in my house as it would frighten dd, to which he told me she was a 'spoilt fucking brat' and he'd shout all he liked. So I told him to get out as I will not be shouted at like that in my own home. He carried on shouting at me so I slapped him in the face. I know what a shit thing it was to do but I was so furious and he was standing in my kitchen shouting abuse at me (that I was mental etc) and refusing to leave. I can't believe what I did, its so unlike me.

He did leave after that but I feel so crap about it all, yet again I have had some twat of a man think they can trample on me and I just feel like crying. Can't cos dd is here and I don't want her to see me upset.

OP posts:

Original poster

iamsocross · 07/01/2008 21:01

Yes MN is always painfully refreshingly honest! Thats why I'm incognito as I was worried about being told I was bang out of order and violent and deranged etc.

OP posts:

geekymummy · 07/01/2008 21:06

I agree with everyone else, that "man" sounds like a right tosser

bubblepop · 07/01/2008 21:19

good god. you did the right thing luvvie

stripeymama · 07/01/2008 21:57

Spoilt childish selfish abusive egocentric wankerish neanderfuck behaviour.

Just be glad that he is gone now, rather than getting his feet under the table and making your lives hell in the future.

partypiece · 07/01/2008 22:52

Not only is he gone, but he had a sore face and hours to wait for a train on a winter night. Fantastic.

partypiece · 07/01/2008 22:52

If your life was a film, that would be the bit in the cinema where the whole audience erupts into wild cheers and applause, I think.

Original poster

iamsocross · 07/01/2008 23:04

That is possibly a bit ott! But I do feel justified (I think - sort of - on and off) especially after seeing what you all have said.

DD said at bedtime that she wasn't scared when she heard shouting "beacause my mummy doesn't let baddies come here" which just melted my heart.

OP posts:

partypiece · 07/01/2008 23:06

And that would be the bit which would make them cry!

colditz · 07/01/2008 23:13

Well there you are - you have done more for your daughter's faith in you (and her ability to realise when a man is mistreating her) in one fell slap than years of talking to her about why you let him stay would have done

Original poster

iamsocross · 07/01/2008 23:26

It was incredible to realise just how powerful dd thinks I am - she really does think that I can protect her, that she has nothing to be scared of and that makes me feel, well, a bit scared in a way. But wonderful and proud and better too.

OP posts:

Flllightattendant · 08/01/2008 07:02

Please don't make the mistake of letting someone you encountered define who you are.

I understand exactly how you feel it is all a reflection on you. That's what happens when you're a single mum on your own and therefore in a slightly isolated and vulnerable situation - you can easily start to feel that anyone nasty whom you have t deal with says something about what/who you are.

It's not true.

By the way what he did was that bad. And your reaction was entirely appropriate, it was self defence and we are taught it, that when attacked, to attack back if it does the trick. He was attacking you verbally without any doubt, your assertive requests to leave were also attacked, so force was imo very much required and nobody would compare it to him hitting you, because you weren't towering over him being a neanderthal thug. In which case I would have thought him sensible to slap you

Flllightattendant · 08/01/2008 07:06

...you had no choice imo but to lash out. Think about all those leaflets/courses for women on defending themselves in a violent situation, which this was, if only verbally (it could have turned physical at any point). You were in danger, you are supposed to do all sorts of things like the old knee in the balls trick, or stamping on his foot, or anything like that. It was self defence and most of us are proud of you for doing it!

I only hope I have the quick thinking sense to do the same if faced with a bully like that one day.

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