"Crap your HV told you"

[colditzmum]

I don't like health visiters in general. Could all the other MNers back me up on this one?

My HV is a star, really kind, honest and helpful - comes to the house if that's easier for you and doesn't believe in too much weighing & measuring. My DS has a huge head and I worried & worried until she pointed out that I had the same charming feature! Really sorry to hear about so many useless ones - perhaps we can hire ours out to go on tour. I think it's yet another example of where you live dictating the type of care you get, sadly. We've told ours there's no point retiring - we'll turn up at her house.

that I wasn't an instinctive mother, but not to feel too bad about it, as the sort of people who were instinctive mothers were the ones who had lots of previous experience round children

that notwithstanding DOH guidance about weaning at six months, there were real developmental advantages to weaning by 5 months so you shouldn't wait any longer

that urinary retention after childbirth was caused by diamorphine in labour [anaesthetist acquaintance put me right on that one!]

i am sure there are plenty of good HVs - just the ones I have dealt with have been so undermining and authoritarian, and have never once said "you are doing a good job".

Well of course you're not, you're a mother! Everyone knows that just about anybody is better at looking after children than their mothers are! It's amazing the human race has survived, really!

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Caligulia most of the HV's I know could tell you a thing or two about the appalling advice they have heard their colleagues give out so probably realise everyone is justified.

My HV is fabulous by the way. Her breastfeeding support is fantastic and if she isn't sure of something, admits to it and does her best to find out for you.

my HV tried to force me to say that ds says 6 words. this was at his 18 month check. He doesn't, he only says brum and gone. she still wrote down that he says 6 words . Am worried about ds's speech anyway, I don't need it to be glossed over!

Mine told me that it was impossible to combine breast & formula feeding & that I would make DD ill.She then told me that she would come back in a week to see how we were & that I had better decide one way or another,whether it was to be breast or formula.She also put in my notes that I was soley b/feeding,which wasn't true.

I've been through a few HVs. I reckon they are grown in a lab far away from human contact... Having said that my first one was a sweetie, but not terribly helpful. Wanted ds to start taking a bottle of formula at 4 weeks (even though he and I were doing absolutely fine with breastfeeding) and, on her first visit to me, refused the cup of tea I offered her because she thought 'it reminded parents not to have hot drinks when around young children.' Right, so, are you saying that I can't have another cup of tea until he hits puberty??

The second one actually yelped in horror when I showed her ds's green poo nappies, and said 'Oh my god! I've never seen anything like that!' Great, thanks. As if I wasn't out of my mind with worry already.

And the third actually reduced me to tearsat one appointment after giving me entirely conflicting advice about ds's feeding every single time I went to see her. In the end I just screamed 'You told me the COMPLETE OPPOSITE last week!'...and never went back!

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I know, Socci To be fair, she was nice enough. Perhaps she'd just come from seeing a new mother who merrily flung cups of tea around their 3-day-old baby? I did end up thinking - 'Wow, I know my post-baby brain is pretty shot, but even I know not to pour boiling water on a child...'

TBH I thought that the midwives were much worse than the hvs. It started when I was struggling to b/feed dd in hospital and not getting much help. The woman in the next bed had her baby constantly latched on and every time the midwives came through they made a big thing out of it "my goodness, is he STILL feeding?". Eventually one of them frightened me into putting dd on the bottle by marching up to me and saying in a loud voice "This baby has got to have some milk NOW!" I thought she was about to starve to death!

I tried again to b/feed her when I got her home but I saw a different midwife every day and each one gave me different advice. In the end it was so bad dh threatened to ban them from the house. I ended up expressing into a bottle for a month which wasn't much fun.

When I had ds they promised I would see the same midwife but I still never saw the same one twice and they still gave conflicting advice! Luckily this time I saw a breastfeeding counseller and after watching me struggle to feed ds she told me I was doing everything right. That one visit was enough to boost my confidence enough for me to carry on (and become a bit of an expert if I say so myself!)

It would be so nice if midwives and hvs had the same attitude instead of trying to make you feel that you aren't quite up to scratch. A bit of encouragement goes a long way!

Now then my favourite subject............

First baby........two weeks over....three if not four rounds of prostaglandin.........those of you out there and you know who you are ....know what I am talking about........I went from nothing to labour in no time....nothing to every four minutes...had what some people call back labour ( in the loo on and off for about an hour)came out feeling shaky and said I don't feel so good to MW (and I use the term loosely)......reply was you will be fine and walked off.............. I have to say the staff in delivery unit were outstanding.........

Ah yes, I had back labour with my first. The main thing I remember through the haze is the gas and air mask coming apart and the midwife sitting sipping her coffee while dh had to run out of the room to find another one!

After reading this thread i feel a bit embarrased to say i am a student health visitor (blush) so please be gentle with me!I am also mum to 19,18 and 11month old.
Just to explain that all hv's are required to have a first level health qualification i.e. RGN or Midwife. No we're not grown in petri dishes (shock) and believe it or not we're human and have feelings too (wink). My HV training is a BScHons public health course,12 month training.I have six modules to pass and also have to train to be a nurse prescriber.We also have to satisfy the Nursing&Midwifery Council long list of competencies before we can call ourselves HV's, (quite intense) in fact, before long we wont be called HV's(which is a very outdated title) we will be public Health advisors/nurses.

In defence of HVs, it is very difficult to please all of the people all of the time. Some people complain when they havent seen a HV and others complain when they see too much of them. At the end of the day wouldnt u rather be empowered than 'nannied'.

Most primary care trusts expect the HV's to be pro-active and do more health promotion with families now, rather than just child surveillance. I have to say i have come across many hv's in the past few months and like all professionals, some are better than others. We certainly cant know everything,although we should know about the more usual stuff ie. breastfeeding, weaning, child development.

Without wanting to sound patronising, you are all intelligent women and will often know more than the HV in some areas, because, if you have a problem you will go and research it at the library or the internet etc. i often think people know the answers to the questions they are asking but are canvassing opinion of HV for reassurance. I hope one day to be a good HV but i'll need a lot more experience than the 12 months in university can give me. (hey, did anyone see how the HV was portraid (?Spelling) in Eastenders the other night! Snotty or what!)

Hope know one is offended by anything i have said, now i will quietly crawl back under the stone i came from!!(grin)

Help emoticons not working !! but hopefully u get my drift!

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I could take or leave HVs until one of them went behind my back and wrote something on my records that she promised faithfully she wouldn't (it was about DH's health condition and I was momentarily upset by it in front of her .. it was totally irrelevant to DS) .. I know because she retired 3 months later and the new HV called me up and asked me how DH was

so even though there may be good ones out there, I'm afraid being categorically lied to, and IMHO patronised in this way made me lose all respect for HVs (that and all the crap advice I hear being given out here)

Shevi... my tongue was very firmly in my cheek when I said I thought HVs were grown in a lab

After all...I do have an interview for a midwifery degree on Tuesday, so I can't say too much, can I?! It'll be me in the firing line in a few years time (fingers crossed)

But my experience with HVs has given me a few ideas about how not to treat new (and more experienced) mothers if I am lucky enough to join the ranks...

God, I really overuse emoticons.

completely agree moomina, goodluck for tuesday i will be thinking of u and sending lots of positive vibes

My H.V came and saw dd at about 2.6 i think. DD said ALL the colours, (including purple), made block towers, finished a nursery ryhme..........she was always and still is amazingly articulate and yet in the midst of a very long coversation between H.V and dd , dd said cool instead of School and the H.V said she'd see me in 6 months to check her speech because of it!!!

I beleive it was cause she doesn't like me, (I had a conversation about writing batch numbers on dd's records which she didn't do and think i pissed her off- Oh deary me!!)

Mind you, she's just got me the vaccinations i want ,(should i decide to go ahead with boosters) so is good for something i suppose!
Twiglett, can you really just tell them not to come?? (My good old Northern nana hated them!!![grin} and never let them in)

Forgot to say, i told H.V in no uncertain terms that i was not at all concerned about dd's speech and didn't need to see her again!

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