"Crap your HV told you"

[colditzmum]

I don't like health visiters in general. Could all the other MNers back me up on this one?

Hmmm, that would be everything that she said to me. I have to say that our local nursery nurses (part of the HV team) are fantastic though. I don't think I'll bother with the HV this time.

I remember in particular that she said that I was starving the baby because he was on the 25th centile and then 3 weeks later I was overfeeding him apparently despite the fact that he was still on - you guessed it - the 25th centile.

"You really should go back to work at least a couple of days a week or you'll lose your skills"

DD was a week old at the time and who was HV to decide what's best for me. Grrrr. At same time Doctor prescribed combined pill for me despite me telling him I was breastfeeding, questioning his choice and stating that the maternity hospital had specifically said I had to go on the mini pill. He still insisted it was OK so when I got the packets and read the instructions the first line under DO NOT TAKE IF was if breastfeeding!!!

Our current HV is very glamorous, a bit like Babs Windsor crossed with Morticia out of the Addams Family. But she's really dippy. If I raise a concern she just beams a lipstick beam and shrugs her padded shoulders.

Hmmm. Is she a health visitor at all, I wonder?

I've had a succession - all perfectly sweet but some definitely more on the ball than others - one didn't recognise breast thrush but though Lansinoh lanolin cream might be causing my sore nippples (eh?!) Another told me I should get a safety gate put across my kitchen door - and where is DS supposed to be while I'm chained to stove prey tell?? I think they have a tough time because it can be hard not to feel you're being checked up on - particulary in your first few months of parenthood. I reckon you should treat all advice in the same way - smile sweetly thank them and then add it to the pile to sift through when you get a chance to make up your own mind. I've always found Mumsnet a much more reliable source..

If I mention a concern to our HV, I end up telling her what I think I should do, and she agrees...actually come to think of it - that's quite clever of her isn't it? Getting me to work out my own solution...Never thought of it that way before

DD, scanned at 36 weeks because I was so small, on the 0.whatever centile from birth for weight and 25th for height, needed referred to a paediatrician according to my HV. Paed. looked at dd, then notes, then me, and asked 'why am I seeing this child?' Absolutely nothing wrong with dd of course. We are all tiny in my family -I was never going to produce anything big.

I wonder what the qualifications for being a HV are? I'm sure my MIL could be one.

I had great hv's for dd1, none for dd2 and ds1, and a useless one for ds2 on and off until he was 18m old. Then we moved and i have another fantastic one. Leaves me alone most of the time, calls up occasionally to see how I am, visits when I need her. Knows all the info I need, or will find someone who does. Exactly how it should be

although she does sound like sybil fawlty

When I didn't introduce solids until 6 months, and then DD wasn't really interested (but fine on all the charts), HV said this meant that her development was too slow, sent me to the hospital to appear before a four-person panel comprising two paeds, a speech therapist and a physiotherapist so that dd could be assessed.

DD was 11 months old, walked in and said "Hello!" to this panel who 'assessed' her (watched her eat a biscuit (?)) and then sent me home, saying she was fine.

How much money did that cost the NHS? After that I didn't go back to the HVs again. I always either (a) left worried sick or (b) burst into tears in the car on the way home.

Paolosgirl: I think Health Visitors and Mothers-in-Law train in the same college.

Message withdrawn

What is her place then?

What are they actually sposed to do? Does anyone know? (I never see mine. Can't be arsed to go to the clinic, you have to leave your buggy outside and carry all your stuff in with you. Just doesn't seem worth the effort anymore!)

LOL Socci! That's fab!

Lou trying to work out who your hv is! (smile)

Mine is good too (Lou - does your hv's name start with a B or a C?)

The one that runs our local bfing support group is absolutely super- she's been a hv for a while and is fairly commonsensical about things.

The hv I have is scary in the crap that she tells me- one eg- don't feed spaghetti hoops to 9 monthold as too full of salt- on the one hand. On the other hand she told me to give her weetabix- which is so loaded with salt.

I use common sense, research and MN when it comes to salt and stuff.

Also told me I HAD to do cc to get dd to start sleeping through NOW or she'd never go all night for me

I too have been sent to the doctor by the hv because my dd was 'underweight'. Arrived worried sick to be told 'well, she's hardly wasting away is she?'

Luckily the hv I have now is fantastic. She listens attentively to me rambling on about things I have seen on the internet and doesn't just dismiss them. For example when I wanted to try the GFCF diet she was interested and supportive, unlike other 'professionals'.

One day she turned up armed with a load of information about free nappies, major buggy and blue badge and then she helped me fill in the forms. It's thanks to her that I got them all straight away with no bother at all.

I'm moving soon and it's only occurred to me since seeing this thread that I'll most probably lose my hv!!

her initials are bl, merlot.

This thread has made me so happy. My HV is a complete bint who comes to my house EVERY WEEK without fail and chats about her homelife for half an hour and then buggers off.

Sometimes I am told off for not going to a mums' group and then I am told how well I seem to be coping (I am not)and other times she tells me I look depressed and that I should get out more. Grrrrrr.

She likes to cuddle each of my twins in turn (nearly dropped dd today) and then I have to remind her of some of the additional checks our GP has asked her today - minor stuff eg monitor worrying ds head size which she forgot to do for the first few weeks until GP kicked her arse.

Today I queried dd white spots on tongue which came and went over the weekend and she said probably nothing, forget it and then within 10 minutes said actually why not go and see your GP just in case.

Complete chuffing waste of space.

Oh yeah, and sod those bloody percentile charts. Every single week she weighs both babies and sucks in her teeth and tells me they have put on too much weight or not enough weight. Every single time.

I understand that to be a HV you just have to patronising, unpunctual and have a moderate and passing interest in babies.

My first HV are good, though din't listen to me when I said something was wrong with DS (he was born early, remember??) but when he was diagnosed with CP she came round the following day and helped me do the DLA form. I moved soon after, and had DD1 10 days later. Haven't registered the family with the doctors so my old HV got all the onfo on DD1 being born early. She phoned me up and asid she couldn't come out as we were out the area but to register us straight away, which I did. Got the HV I have now, who loved my tiny tots, but doesn't come out much now, she phones me about every 2-3 months and comes to see "how we are coping" When I phne her for advice she doesn't really help me much.
She did annoy me about two years ago, as I was asking for advice on SN things and she didn't the answers, so when I went for DD1 child development check I asked if we could be put in touch with the SN HV, and when I saw the SN HV at a christmas party for SN kids, I asked her if she was going to help us, she said that X had said that we didn't need her, and that X was able to help us in all areas!!! I said I wanted to see the SN one and she came out to see us. She (SN)actually is a really lovely lady and she helps in every way. There is no "I'll go and found out about that for you" because she knows!!

Had a wonderful one when DS was first born. Really supportive and rational lady. Actually suggested I give up breatfeeding that was going terribly badly which was absolutely the best decision for us but one I was dithering over. Said things like 'No one knows your baby as well as you do'.

Totally different story when we moved and had to change HVs. The ones here are of the yes-you're-baby-is-unhappy-and-it's-all-your-fault variety. Our clinic is all open plan everyone can hear your consult with the HV. I actually overheard one new mum who was obviously at her wits end with a colicky baby. She asked the HV if it was acceptable to put the baby in her cot and let her cry alone for five minutes so that the mum could have a cup of tea. The HV's reply - If you can't give her 100% now, when will you? What utter bollocks! The poor mum looked as if she was going to cry.

Just read back through the thread a bit and wanted to say that the HV who suggested I give up breastfeeding wasn't basing that on any weight chart. DS was fine, I was the one handling it badly. Developed mastitis three times in three weeks, did not like being the only one who could feed DS and now looking back think I was on a downward spiral towards PND. I thought it was great that she recognised this and was able to help me make a decision that was very difficult but made the most positive difference to my first few months of motherhood.

When she found out I was not b/f my HV said to me

what a lazy girl you are

just the thing to say to someone feeling guilty about forumla