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Original poster

Tammybear's quite upset

76 replies

tammybear · 01/11/2004 16:37

Im half upset and disappointed and feel like i could cry, the other half is so angry that Ive been walking around with my fists clenched and felt like hitting the next person that p*ed me off.

to the point: dp said to me today he's having his doubts about us living together next year. he doesnt think we can really afford it, plus he would rather us living "comfortably" and not "struggling" like i am now (i added that like i am now bit!) Im so annoyed. Only saturday he was saying his parents are trying to change his mind but hes not having it and is definetly going to move in. but i knew they'd get to him, and tbh i have been thinking we'll probably be a bit tight with money, but at least we'd be together (cheesy i know!)

We were originally going to live together when he's done his third year which he was going to do here, so looks like we're going back to that plan (but havent really spoken to dp as ive been too angry/upset to talk to him so maybe i can change his mind...) but who says his parents wont change his mind then as well. oh poo!

OP posts:
Tortington · 01/11/2004 17:01

do you want to keep fighting for hs "brain" from his parents. i think this issue needs to be discussed with him. sorry its all a bit shitty tammybear

jnbsmum · 01/11/2004 17:04

Im sorry as i really dont know what to say. Just sendin {{{hugs}}}. Get yourself a good strong drink and make yourself feel a little calmer. I know its difficult living apart. I lived 250miles away from dh for 2 years. It was so hard but worth it in the end. Just be strong and try and talk to him. Hth. oh and more {{{hugs}}}x

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 17:40

thanks you two. will see what he has to say properly later. texted him saying we need to talk. havent heard from him since earlier as i told him to leave me alone (partly cos i was angry, partly cos i was at doctors) I hope I can change his mind, as Ill be so disappointed if I have to wait nearly 2 years now!

OP posts:
doziduck · 01/11/2004 17:40

sorry you are upset tammybear. Would you be much worse off living together? It must be so frustrating that he is letting his parents influence him but maybe after you have a good talk things might be different. Do you know why they are trying to talk him out of it?
hope you feel a little more cheery soon

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 17:44

he lives about a 2 hour train journey away, and he still lives at his parents and i know his mum is really close to him and would miss him loads if he left as shes a SAHM. i can understand it from her POV, especially since her eldest is still living at home, and probably will be for years. and that they're worried we wont manage. but i was working it out saturday from how i am now, and with dp's current wage, we would be better off than i am now. i said to him about it as well. the thing is he has one last year of his degree left, which he can do here which is why we thought it would be a great idea to do it then. we were going to move into a new house and all.

OP posts:
KateandtheGirls · 01/11/2004 17:47

Jnbsmum, I got you beat. I lived 3000 miles away from my husband for 2 years before we were married!

Sorry you're feeling bad Tammybear.

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 17:49

thanks, keep fingers crossed for me that we're still on.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 01/11/2004 17:52

sorry to hear you feel so upset / angry, see what he has to say later, why would his mum talk him out of moving in?

JoolsToo · 01/11/2004 17:57

sorry to hear this Tammybear you were ecstatic when he ageed to move in weren't you? - Perhaps his parents are worried about him moving Uni's so close the end of his course? I DO understand how you're feeling but I think's its great that you can see his mums point of view as well! I know a year seems ages but if push comes to shove and you both decide to leave it til then - in the great scheme of things its not long. Hope you get it resolved so everyone is happy! Big hug to you!

PuffTheMagicDragon · 01/11/2004 18:27

to hear this Tammybear. It can be very difficult when there's a parent (ie his Mum) with seemingly a lot of influence over his decision making.

Before I married dp, I was with a partner who I had similar problems with.

From what you have said, it sounds like it will be better all round if you live together, even financially, which seemed to be the sticking point before.

Good luck, hope you get it sorted out.

lavender2 · 01/11/2004 18:45

hi Tammybear if you want to talk about it more on Yahoo then please feel free to e-mail me any time and I'll try and get back to you asap (sorry it's not better news for you...hope you're okay)

jnbsmum · 01/11/2004 18:50

Tammybear im keeping fingers and toes crossed for you. Really hope you sort things out.

Kateandthegirls I thought it was bad enough spening 7hrs on the national express but jetting 3000 miles must have been long and tireing and expensive too

joanneg · 01/11/2004 18:51

Tammybear, how annoying and disappointing. Do you think that this is just gitters and he will change his mind? There is always a way around the finances - like you say at least you would be together.

I think that you should keep your cool and see what he says. He may well change his mind. You poor thing - I am gutted for you - but I am sure that it will work out (sending positive thoughts!) ((hugs))

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 22:53

just spoken to him, and his minds made up

OP posts:
fairydust · 01/11/2004 22:55

hope things work out for you

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 22:56

doesnt look like it fairydust

OP posts:
fairydust · 01/11/2004 22:56

oh no - is he not moving in then?

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 22:57

no

OP posts:
fairydust · 01/11/2004 22:58

oh i'm so sorry for you

moomina · 01/11/2004 22:58

oh, tammy, am really sorry. is he still saying it's about money etc?

cab · 01/11/2004 22:59

Sorry it's not working out how you hoped Tammybear - but from a positive point of view it will probably mean less smelly socks and cooking for you - if he's busy at exam times especially he might not be much help anyway! In the meantime you can make sure his mother teaches him how to cook etc. (Nothing worse than getting a man straight from an adoring mum - maybe he should live on his own for a while to get him house trained?) Might keep the 'mystery' of the romance going for longer too .
But I am sorry - honest.

JoolsToo · 01/11/2004 23:00

all I can say is - he's changed his mind once .....

bet you feel like pooh! - don't let it get you down - you're still 'friends' aren't you?

cardigan · 01/11/2004 23:00

Could you move in with him at his parents? Or could you talk to his mother about this. His future is you and your child.

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 23:14

he's not dd's father. he doesnt want the responsibility and to survive on nothing

OP posts:
alexsmum · 01/11/2004 23:15

aaoow, tammybear I know this is really hard for you but without being unsupportive, i can see his mum's point of view.His third year at uni is the hardest and the most important.To uproot and move uni's at this stage would be SO hard for him and studying for finals is tough.I imagine doing with a child around would be awful.And he would end up being narky with you and you would end up fighting.I think it would be better for him to get alll that out of the way and then rethink.Then it would be like a totally fresh start for you both?
I know what long distance relationships are like .Dh and I lived a 2 hour journey away from each other for 3 years and could only see each other on weekends.It's horrible when you want a hug but it's only wednesday.But you'll get through it like we did and be stronger for it.
Sorry this is so long and rambly.