just written a suicide note

[crazycoward]

been depressed for ages so why wont anyone believe me

Am absolutely CRAP at writing what I want to say, but DONT. Life is always rubbish in varying degrees. What has happened to push you to this point?

Crazycoward, the Samaritans will be able to talk to you if you feel you need someone to listen.
Who is not taking you seriously?

By the way, I believe you. I have been to the brink, no-one knew then how close I was.

Are you still there? Do you want to tell us about it?

(I have to go out soon but will be here for a bit)

OverRated, got to go out? have you got a life or something??
PLEASE crazycoward talk to us

my midwife knows more about me than anyone else but she doesnt realise how bad.

i moved house 2 weeks before having my baby, planned a home birth didnt have one and am gutted about that, and have no friends or family here, dont feel i will ever settle here, my daughter has development problems and requires therapy so i cant move house again as it will mess that up and unsettle her, altho seeing me like this cant be good for her, my baby who was doing really well and getting fat has dropped a centile, my other daughter is very difficult and stroppy atm

am new but fairly regular poster BTW but done a cowardly name change

please believe a complete stranger when she says that other people out there care and will listen, and will believe. here i am, a total stranger who has 2 more lesson plans to write for an ofsted inspection in the morning, willing to listen because I care.

give yourself the opportunity to find them.

talk so maybe someone here can help you open new doors to find those listeners.

hope this doesn't read trite.

How old are your DC? I had really bad PND after DD1, and rue the day I had DD2. It really does help to talk. Mums have such a bad time of it, all of us do. PLEASE talk more

3.5, 2.5 and 5 months

{{HUG}} crazycoward. No, Sarah, sadly I have to go to work. I wish it were something more exciting!

There are other MNers who have been through this and are still here to tell the tale. It feels impossible now, I know, but things will get better. It might be slow and hard, but honestly, things will improve.

Are you on medication?

Don't envy you, kiskidee

I have felt what you are feeling now and I can say that it won't always feel like this.

There are people who care and will believe you, perhaps the people you are taling to just don't know what to say.

No wonder you are feeling shit. What a handful. Do you have a DP? You need help with three kids those ages. But good thing is in a couple of years they should all be reliant on each other, giving you a well earned break I have one aged 2 and one aged 6 1/2. Sometimes (often) feel like walking out so can't imagine pressure you are under, but I do feel for you sooooooooo much. Sometimes (often) I feel like leaving and not coming back. DH works away all week so feel it is just me bringing up OUR kids!!!

Another insomniac teacher here who has left her planning because she cares

We all care, that's why we are still up at this hour tell us you are still ok

CRAZYCOWARD!! WHERE ARE YOU????????

Am not going to bed 'til I hear from you. Believe me, I need sleep too. Have an overly active two year old to deal with in the morning, but that is not as important as knowing you are OK.

he leaves me then comes back then walks out again, if i try and leave him, he says hes coming to get children, or i can go but they stay with him altho i think that may be a good idea anyway, to just walk out and never come back

This is making me remember what I didn't like about teaching! I loved it and miss it terribly but lesson planning in the middle of the night? Can't say I miss that!

thank you everyone, sorry my computer is very slow

Having 3 under 5 is very difficult without relationship problems as well. Is there a homestart near you who can offer support and help as well as a way of meeting other mums and making friends?

It is never a good idea to leave your kids, crazycoward (I think your name is unfair btw, you are not being at all cowardly and feeling depressed is not crazy)

They need you - no matter how bad you feel now and how you rationalise leaving, they need you.

Your relationship sounds very traumatic though.

NO NO NO. You are a fantastic mum, you have given birth to three kids, and worked to support them. What the FUCK has he done??? If any one walks away, should be an unsupportive father, not an amazing mum like you

It is the one thing I don't like Overrated, like the planning but hate the length of time it takes.

yes meant to have first visit on friday, am just so unhappy here in thi house, this area

husband problems, awful landlord, had no hot water for ages. rough neighbourhood, nowhere much to go, and if i manage to venture into town, cant get back in time for nursery, i just want to move back to where i was

better go now and let you all get some rest, thanks so much i just wish there were people like you i could talk face to face with