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Original poster

She doesn't want to talk to me on the phone/voice..why?

60 replies

Overjoyedd · 13/02/2021 21:42

Hi all

I have this female FB friend who I've known almost 10 yrs (she is in her 30's, married, no kids)

We talk (by wiring on Messenger I mean) things quite openly.
health, finance, hobby, family etc,. but we've never talked on the phone/voice before.

I've seen her pics w/ her husband, her work, even her online resume she recently created so there's no way she lies about her being woman etc,

In late 2020, I was having a little issue with something Sad and I really wanted to talk (voice chat) to her about it as I've told her about the issue previously, briefly.

but she basically said : I don't really do phone calls :

-she doesn't like talking on the phone and only talk to her mother on the phone, or at work when she really had to.

  • not huge fun of talking on the phone
  • it give her anxiety she chooses not to do it
  • it's general anxiety of not wanting to feel stupid

I don't think she dislike me and such, as she almost always sends me Messenger message first (even what she's told me above)
and when I reply, she always comes back to me like within 5 minutes . so she is clearly likes keeping in touch with me though?

I am obviously a bit sad that she didn't want to talk with me when I needed her, but also trying to understand what is making her in that way Sad

OP posts:
FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 13/02/2021 21:43

I think some people just find it enormously difficult to soak in the phone due to anxiety. Don't take it personally!

Angel2702 · 13/02/2021 21:45

I hate speaking to people on the phone, there are very few people I will willingly speak to on the phone.

Seafog · 13/02/2021 21:45

She told you, it's because it's really uncomfortable for her, and she is left feeling anxious that she will say the wrong thing. In writing, she is able to check what she says , before she sends it.
It was good of her to be so honest and open with you, so you were not left this king it was about you.

TigerDroveAgain · 13/02/2021 21:45

I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time.

I’m just like your friend though - I really really don’t like speaking on the phone. In fact in the old days I’d disconnect the landline to avoid it! I’m not anti social at all but just prefer to engage by text not speaking ol

BlueTimes · 13/02/2021 21:45

She told you why she didn’t want to talk to you:

-she doesn't like talking on the phone and only talk to her mother on the phone, or at work when she really had to.
- not huge fun of talking on the phone
- it give her anxiety she chooses not to do it
- it's general anxiety of not wanting to feel stupid

Listen to her and believe her. Just because it’s not how you feel with regards to phone calls doesn’t stop it being how she feels. Your wants don’t override her wants.

Seafog · 13/02/2021 21:46

This king / thinking

DameCelia · 13/02/2021 21:46

I've had times when I don't want to talk on the phone because I can't see the other person and guage silences, and it can make me feel awkward.
Don't take it personally, she sounds like a good friend, and so do you.

TigerDroveAgain · 13/02/2021 21:46

No idea what “ol” is!

TitusPullo · 13/02/2021 21:49

Have you ever met her in person? I would honestly be suspicious that they may not be who they say they are. It is pretty easy to fake a whole life online. They may just be uncomfortable, but I would be suspicious.

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/02/2021 21:49

Hi op

Are you absolutely sure she's a she? That all the pictures are of her and her family?

TryingNotToPanicOverCovid · 13/02/2021 21:53

Im like this. Far easier to communicate by text and have time to rephrase my sentences

Original poster
Overjoyedd · 13/02/2021 21:54

@Guiltypleasures001

Hi op

Are you absolutely sure she's a she? That all the pictures are of her and her family?

Haha, I knew someone's gonn ask.

I've sent/received Paypal payment to send items each other and I am sure she is she.

OP posts:
SomersetHamlyn · 13/02/2021 21:54

You have no idea who 'she' really is. I don't like speaking on the phone either, but you've literally never met 'her'.

Comefromaway · 13/02/2021 21:55

My son has auditory processing issues which makes talking on the phone incredibly difficult.

Since I had a burst eardrum a couple of years ago I now find it harder too.

Some people don’t like being overheard.

TitusPullo · 13/02/2021 21:57

@Overjoyedd - why does sending PayPal payments prove anything other than they have access to a PayPal account with a female name? PayPal is used in scams a lot. I just think after knowing someone for 10 years there is more than feeling uncomfortable stopping them from speaking on the phone. I appreciate it’s not a possibility you want to consider but it’s a very real one.

Original poster
Overjoyedd · 13/02/2021 22:02

[quote TitusPullo]@Overjoyedd - why does sending PayPal payments prove anything other than they have access to a PayPal account with a female name? PayPal is used in scams a lot. I just think after knowing someone for 10 years there is more than feeling uncomfortable stopping them from speaking on the phone. I appreciate it’s not a possibility you want to consider but it’s a very real one.[/quote]
what? do you mean you can open up Paypal accont with a fake name?
I didn't know if that was possible..?!

the reason I mentioned Paypal is, it's matches her name and her business website (she put the pic of the item i sent to her)

OP posts:
SuperHighway · 13/02/2021 22:02

It's highly unlikely that this person is who you think they are, but if you can suspend disbelief for 10 years then the relationship is probably giving you some kind of comfort/support, so just carry on as you are, but just don't invest too much in a relationship that may well be a fiction.

wellthatsunusual · 13/02/2021 22:06

Your wants don’t override her wants.

But the friend's wants are overriding the OPs wants. Why is that different?

I hate talking on the phone too, and I never ring anyone. But if someone really wanted to talk to me and they contacted me, I would accept that it's important to them.

TitusPullo · 13/02/2021 22:06

@Overjoyedd - it’s pretty easy to do, people put guides online on how to withdraw money from PayPal’s with fake names. Have a quick google.

I am not saying this is what they have done but with today’s technology, having not seen someone on video or spoken to them on the phone in 10 years would ring real alarm bells with me.

Andi2020 · 13/02/2021 22:10

I have a friend we message all the time about everything.
Rarely speak in person or on phone.
I prefer messanger.

ScrapThatThen · 13/02/2021 22:10

Could be using partners PayPal. But its probably not that, she just doesn't do the phone.

Alonelonelyloner · 13/02/2021 22:11

I absolutely hate talking on the phone and avoid it whenever possible. Now I'm used to video calls I find it so much easier. I get very anxious about phone calls so I think it's marvellous she has been so honest with you.

Also I have friends I have met online (and some I then went on to meet in person) and they all were exactly who they said they were.

Original poster
Overjoyedd · 13/02/2021 22:12

@Comefromaway

My son has auditory processing issues which makes talking on the phone incredibly difficult.

Since I had a burst eardrum a couple of years ago I now find it harder too.

Some people don’t like being overheard.

Thank you, that could be case for her... At this point I won't ask her (it's quite personal) so I suppose I will wait her to open up :)
OP posts:
TitusPullo · 13/02/2021 22:14

@Andi2020 have you met that friend in person or have other friends who know the friend in person? I don’t think primarily using messenger to communicate is unusual, but I think after a decade never having laid eyes on someone or heard their voice is unusual.

NailsNeedDoing · 13/02/2021 22:14

If you’ve only ever communicated with her over FB/messenger, then she only considers you to be a friend that exists in her phone. She has you in a box and she doesn’t want to open it and get closer to thinking if you as a real person.

Plus the reasons she’s has already told you, which you need to believe.