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Original poster

who else suffered abuse as a child?

71 replies

thegrassisgreener · 08/10/2007 16:51

im asking because i want to know how you think it has affected you as a person and as a parent? do you think you are parinoid about who cares for your own kids because of your past? would be great to talk about this and see how others cope.

OP posts:
sKerryMum · 08/10/2007 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

totalyfreaky · 08/10/2007 16:54

Why the skeptical face?

kitsandbits · 08/10/2007 16:55

why the kerrymum,

dont think thats called for.

Original poster
thegrassisgreener · 08/10/2007 16:55

yeah i dont get it? did i say something wrong?

OP posts:
totalyfreaky · 08/10/2007 16:55

Are you ok thegrassisgreener?

Original poster
thegrassisgreener · 08/10/2007 16:56

yeah although a bit confused..... obviously im posting under another name, dont want the whole world knowing u know?

OP posts:
kitsandbits · 08/10/2007 16:57

I suffered a bit of physical abuse as a child - only just been able to admit that recently. I convinced myself it was normal, but it wasn't.

Im scared I will be that way towards my kids, buti dont think i will, im just scared i could,

omeN666 · 08/10/2007 16:57

thegrassisgreener..I did, have posted on it here a few times and yes it has affected my parenting, my DC are rarely looked after by others if ever. I am paranoid about who looks after them and what would be going on with them, for a while I was even paranoid about dh looking after them

kitsandbits · 08/10/2007 16:58

Have to go put tea out, chin up grassisgreener

Original poster
thegrassisgreener · 08/10/2007 16:58

do you mind me asking kitsandbits- have you ever confronted the adult in question?

OP posts:
Original poster
thegrassisgreener · 08/10/2007 17:01

omnn666- thank you for your honesty, i think i am very paranoid about who i leave my lo with...i think i have got away with it so far but i just hope no one ever confronts me over it....never spoken about my past face to face with anyone.

OP posts:
Jazzicatz · 08/10/2007 17:05

I was abused, and no it has not affected how I parent, I give my children the freedom suitable for their ages. I have not confronted my abuser, he abused myself and I only found out recently my younger brother, and we are considering taking the matter forward, but atm my db is not strong enough emotionally to handle it, but I would like too.

Cowardice · 08/10/2007 17:09

Hi there.

I am a regular poster also & use this name to post under this subject.

I was sexually abused as a child, by my father. He abused my sisters also. We never confronted him, but as an adult I have chosen to undergo counselling.

The birth of my first child & the fact that she was a girl triggered something in me & I had what I will class as a breakdown. I was in bits. I went through 18months of intense counselling accumulating in my counsellor/psychiatrist trying to convince me to take my father to court.

First of all, I couldn't do this for various reasons. Least of all being that out of my abused sisters only 1 said she would support me.

I found trust to be the hardest thing with others. I eben mistrusted my ILs. Although I did tell my SIL I was abused as a child, as she had an experience with a friends father & I thought it would help her get through it if she knew we shared the same thing.

I also find myself being incredibly jealous when dd is having a normal conversation/play session with dh. I mourn for the childhood I never had, as I spent so long hiding away from the man who should have loved me, but didn't, or else too much.

If there's anything else you want me to tell you, please feel free to ask, I will answer any of your questions.

KM, if you didn't like or understand the question, why post? I have seen you do things like that before... it's very unsettling when it may have taken the OP a long time to build up to asking the question.

sKerryMum · 08/10/2007 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

totalyfreaky · 08/10/2007 17:23

Its not a game of tit for tat, no-one is abliged to answer, and some people cant bring themselves to even type/talk about thier own experiences, and besides she did'nt ask for details of thier abuse, just how it affected thier parenting.

sKerryMum · 08/10/2007 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

totalyfreaky · 08/10/2007 17:29

I'll bow out too, am sure this is not helpful to the OP.

NAB3 · 08/10/2007 17:39

Could do without this today.

Have just emailed the daily mail (I know) to conplain about a letter

Am I the only person who was not sexually abused as a child says Sandy Pratt from Surrey.

Fireflyfairy2 · 08/10/2007 17:45

I don't have that paper, but what did Sandy Pratt mean when she said that, NAB?

Original poster
thegrassisgreener · 08/10/2007 17:46

will be back in an hour after ds has gone to bed....have lots to say!

OP posts:
NotSomethingIWantToMakePublic · 08/10/2007 17:50

I have named changed, simply because it is a very difficult thing to talk about and I'm not sure I want everyone to know iyswim.

I was abused by my grandfather from the age of 10 until I was 16. My sister and cousin also were, to a lesser extent. I told my parents when I was 16, but not a lot was done about it. He was still allowed to visit (hence my leaving home at 17). My cousin reported her abuse to the police when I was 24 (she and my sister would have been 18) and I made a statement. He was charged with some of the things he had done to me and subsequently committed suicide.

In answer to your questions, I do carefully choose who cares for my children, but I am also determined that he will not play a part in ruining/affecting my childrens lives. When DS1 was young I was very scared of what may happen to him, but this was when my grandfather was still around. When he was gone, it really helped.

I didn't confront him, I was terrified of him (even as an adult) but I would kind of like to confront my grandmother, who knows what happened, but has told others that it is utter rubbish. As a consequence my mother has a difficult relationship with her family and I would like to put that right. They seem to think my mother had something to do with the police charges etc...which she didn't.

This still affects my life greatly and I find it incredibly difficult to talk about.

totalyfreaky · 08/10/2007 17:50

Dont feel pressured into saying anything you are not comfortable, most people dont need to hear the details to be able to help, or equally say as much as you like, whatever suits you

I was abused too btw, did'nt mention it further down as only poppping back every now and again for a few minutes, in between sorting the kids out

NAB3 · 08/10/2007 17:53

FFF2 I have no idea but what was the point of it? It seems like she was making a point that everyone seems to be claiming to have suffered, almost like it is the current trendy thing.

NotSomethingIWantToMakePublic · 08/10/2007 17:53

I also think you will find that people won't be telling all, simply because they can't. I can tell you it happened, but there is no way I could tell you what happened, that would be too difficult. Not even DH knows everything and he knows the most!

Jazzicatz · 08/10/2007 18:11

I am always surprised why people that have suffered abuse keep it bottled up, it feels like a continuation of the power relationship that the abuser has. I certianly do not go around telling everyone about what happened to me, but if asked will open up, it is important too for yourself, but also those around who gain glean more of an understanding of who you are.