who else suffered abuse as a child?

[thegrassisgreener]

im asking because i want to know how you think it has affected you as a person and as a parent? do you think you are parinoid about who cares for your own kids because of your past? would be great to talk about this and see how others cope.

I know, NotAnOtter, but like I say, I can tell people it happened, I just can't go into detail.

i dont go into detail
dont want to 'go there' myself
none of my family are worthy of knowing 'details' they can ask him if they want to
disowning my scum of a 'family' has helped me
abuse tears families apart.
sorry to rant

You aren't ranting, we all know how you feel.

Sounds harsh (to some, not to me) but my grandfather committing suicide helped me. I still have nightmares, but at least I don't have to deal with the real him anymore.

And yes, it does tear families apart. But I feel sad that there is a whole load of family who my boys don't know.

My uncle doesn't believe it happened (although my grandfather committing suicide should have maybe made him think a little) but like I say he has never spoken to me about it. I'm an adult, I was when I made my statement to the police, I knew what I was doing. He seems to think my mother engineered it all, but he needs to know I have my own mind and always have and could never be engineered by my mother!

i empathise so much with those feelings

sounds cliched but for me it was a lot about becoming the adult and taking control of the situation in a way i was unable to do as a teenager and as an adult who was 'keeping quiet'
telling the police gave me 'some' control over myself and my future mental health in a way i had denied myself before

it helped a lot

I'm sending you a great big {{{{hug}}}

It's awful this has happened to us, but in lots of way it has made us stronger and made us appreciate, love and care for our children so much more. We won't let hstory repeat itself, NO WAY!!

Yes, as an adult you can take control. You can't as a child. These people mustn't get away with what they do!!

{{hug}} its nice not to feel alone!

You certainly aren't alone

But on that note I better go to bed My small boys just lurve to get up v. early!!

goodnight x

I was sexually abused by my next door neighbour when I was 6.

I spent a lot of time working through and coming to terms with the impact of my abuse when I was in my 20s.

I would say that it HAS had an affect upon my parenting of my children, particularly my DDs, and especially when they were/ are coming to the age I was when I was abused.
Mostly it is in my own thought processes.

The long term impact of the abuse, now I am in my 30s, is less prevalent but still there. I am overly sensitive to... power dynamics, of not being listened to, of sexualisation of young women, objectification of women, how I still relate primarily and initially to men.

There, said it! otherwise am ok...!

Could I just say that I think telling someone about your abuse is not necessarily healing or positive. Sometimes people decide not to because they feel, for whatever reason, its best for them.

Squirboodle, dont feel bad about cocking up your name change. Many an MNer has fallen foul of it.

It actually ends up being quite liberating.

I feel very strongly about people reclaiming back the power by talking openly about it. It's the one thing an abuser counts on you not doing.

I hope you all get enough peace to sleep tonight.

yes vvvqv that is true...never thought of it like that

Back again, should really be asleeping!

VVV, I am actually alright with, it does surprise me to say that.

My feelings on people knowing are funny. I'm not ashamed it happened to me, I had no control over it, I guess I worry more about other peoples feelings when they find out about it. It's not an easy thing for friends to know either I guess.

I'm still me though

I guarantee they arent funny - they are quite common.

It can feel like admitting a weakness to people that they hadnt seen before, or that you will feel people will think you arent strong, when perhaps you are now.

But actually, its not the case at all. It's an innate self-preservation tactic that tends to kick in.

That's exactly it! I don't want people to start seeing me as a different person just because of this. I AM a stronger person because of it!

And yes the self preservation thing features very much in my life!

hi, sorry i missed out on the conersation last night. very interesting to hear how you have all dealt with the past.

tbh i could excuse my dad for not remembering the one time i had contact with this man, he was simply a guy he knew from work who he met up with on occation to fishing with- dont think my mum or anyone else in my family ever met him. like i say by the time the police were involved i was 14 and it happened years before that.

i feel resopnsible for the other person(s) who suffered because of him....if i had spoked up they may well not have gone thro the same thing. but lots of ifs and buts.

i think about what happned to me evrey day, and if i read something or hear something on the news about peodophiles, thats my day out the window. if i tell my dad then thats TWO of us that have to go through that, whats the point in that?

But your dad won't feel the same way about it as you do. He didn't experience it like you did and I am sure given the choice he would prefer to know and support you than not. It is incredibly difficult taking that first step and telling someone, but it really does help. You just need to say to your dad that you know he didn't know anything about it, that you don't hold him responsible in any way.

It's not your fault others went through it after you. If that was the case then it is my fault my sister and cousin went through the same, but I am full aware that I was only a child and I was terrified of him. The only person to blame is the abuser!