Do you think there's room on here for diametrically opposing opinions?

[Twiglett]

When I first joined (oh yes indeedy, those halcyon days) there seemed to be a wider spread of opinions. And a greater respect for others.

Now it feels sometimes that there is an area of thinking that is deemed ok (in terms of parenting or social or political view), and it gets more and more narrowly defined as posters reinforce each other's views. Then there are extreme personalities who are seen as trolls for disagreeing with this established 'range of normality'. And possibly there are a lot of voices who just don't bother to comment because of the strength of the agreeing posters.

There have been times when someone will post a dissenting opinion and all of a sudden a huge group emerges from gawd-knows where seemingly relieved that their own sense of 'normality' is being raised.

I wonder whether respect for others is diminishing. I am certainly probably guilty of this, of posting an opposing position because the status quo seems to have swung too far away from my sense of 'normality' and 'correctness'. I'm certain I had more respect in the early days.

Of course it might just be me, I might be making no sense, or I may just be in a twonkish mood .. but anyhoo .. shall I post this?

"If you go on a thread and someone has already said exactly what you would have said, why bother commenting!!!"

Exactly!

er...I needn't have posted that, need i?

StarryNight - but I think it is important to challenge unhelpful and unkind mockery (freindly and consensual mockery being altogether different, of course!), either by doing something differnt or saying so. Otherwise it will be the end of Civilisation As We Know It!

I think one of the other things that took me by surprise when i first joined was how people can be incredibly rude about really unimportant stuff without any attempt to question or clarify your thoughts.
I was (almost) prepared for the snide and aggresive reply I got on a thread about private schools but for people to be aggressive about whether your kid has a DS or what books you are reading seems a bit . I tend to just assume that they are having a bad day or have 'issues' but it does make one hesitate.
I can't think of any reason why I would be angry about what another parent reads to their kid unless it was potentially damaging - isn't life a bit too short?

Ahh Blu - 'for the sport'. Yes I have wondered about that.
Do you thnk it a vicarious thrill for some. Like watching Jeremy Kyle but being allowed to be one of the audience actually stiring things up.
The judge ref'd to him as a bear baiter and some posts do make you wonder about their intent.

I have been on here a while and sometimes it feels like an old boys club

Someone who is new can say something and it is ignored but a 'regular/known person' will say the same thing and it is acknowledged sometime fawned over

On the same nanny thread, someone came on just to defend a friend, what's the point in that? The friend was holding her own and didn't need any help

And please I have a question (and ready to be flamed in a huge way) Why does cod get away with insulting, flaming and mocking people and bad typing??? I really don't understand that one and have been scared to ask!!

gess- have had a quick look at that thread you mentioned......im utterly shocked that people can be so quick to judge others...and the tone of it all, like, 'look at her'. it reminds me of playground bullies. i looked after a young girl who was staffed 3;1 in the home and 4;1 in public. some people have no idea...... anyway getting off the point.good on you tho for speaking up!

I think there's room for diametric opinions, providing those that hold them have got the balls to reason them out, .

I think the punch ups debates can make for interesting reading, but there's certainly a predictability about them. The MN dictionary of acceptable words, for instance, seems to be diminishing all the time ...., as does the list of acceptable newspapers.

One thread that really sticks in my mind was about books: a poster wanted a definitive list of brilliant books to read. I posted my favourite, and got an instant sneer in the style of "Jeez, that was crap. How could you possibly think that was a good book ...??"

That sort of response stinks, imo.

Yes, not only is it difficult to disagree with pple without being sworn at, but there is a distinct lack of empathy/sympathy.

I've really been quite shocked lately. Ancedotal I know but I never usually ask for advice/moan on MN but I have done this twice recently and been completley poleaxed by the responses. Its not even that supportive anymore I think unless you have a major major. I really won't be asking for advice again.

Theres also an element of 'my problem is far worse than yours so you don't know what youre talking about'.....Its not a parenting competition.

Sorry am rambling too.

And sometimes, one even ends up liking the diametrically opposing person!..though you disagree fundamentally with their pov.

3:1 in the home? 4:1 outside. Gosh that must be incredibly difficult. We were 2:1 outside at all times last Easter but things have improved dramatically (makes such a big difference). Still need 2:1 for shopping, eating out etc- anything which involves waiting, but can access free walking places 1:1 now. Thank goodness. How easy was it to get SS to agree to those funding levels?

At least nobody on here says "Quoted For Truth" or "QFT"!

minor - i am fairly new, on one thread i had someone tell me my stupid question had been answered and then pass me over to her 'mate' for her to deal with.

I found it very funny, dont take anything personally. MN is the school playground for some adults

ps. who is cod??

Well, she doesn't always get away with it ... as has just been proven!

UQD - QFT???

Not come across that - clearly I do not spend enough time on a variety of internet fora! I should do a tour. Is that an american habit?

gess-she recieved a huge amount of money from ss, in fact i looked after her in her in a cre home....a house specially designed for her...no other residents. she was living with her parents and siblings but due to her being a huge risk to herself and others they told her parents they HAD to put her in care...she wasnt allowed to have home visits... they had to come to visit her....totally fantasic girl to look after, despite the regular black eyes i recieved!!!

I believe it is an American thing, yes. These things usually tend to spread beyond geographical boundaries though - witness "What-ev-err" and "24/7".

mimi03 - is that cod you are talking about??

no sorry im talking to gess... we got sidetracked and of the point!

I'm new to this, did post once ( got positively thrashed by the wolves with lots of congratulatory back slapping). Its been really enlightening to read your posts on here cos it makes me feel that there is still some compassion for people. over the weekend there has been a post that became very aggressive and in the end lost the whole reason for it. (whether the op put things in a "right or wrong" way surely they deserve their opinion and don't deserve all this baying for blood attitude and pointless critiscm of spelling and punctuation.
Was listening to a realy interesting debate on radio 4 today all about cyber bullying. the idea that the annonimity of the web allows people to behave so badly was one of the things highlighted.

gosh thanks mimi. I started a thread about a year or so ago asking "just what do you do when they become unmanageable?' so its good to hear that there are caring solutions available. We were visited by the manager of a care home that looks fantastic (run by the Priory) and they said that they would have very high ratios where needed (but the home itself is expensive so again its the funding difficulties).

I know. 'twas a joke re coddy..should have ed it.

gess we should start a thread so we can chat properly.....cant send a private message to u as it wants me to subscribe!

lecrusetpan- forgive my 'durhhhh' ness.

Oh yes, perhaps in SN- others will be interested as well.

I'm interested in how you used the 4 people to manage behaviours as well (especially with a ferry trip looming shudder..... )

Have to go and sort out therapy now- will be back on later.

some people are not as articulate as others they cannot word or spell etc the way that others can.

So shall we send out the lynch mob to get the aggresive people!!!

Having balls to reason things out is one thing - but when so many of the challenges to do so come in a very aggressive tone or language, the willingness to do so is undermined - especially as people come on MN to enjoy the discussion - not as some form of self flagellation for sins in past life. presumably.